Published February 12, 2009
[i]L'amour est enfant de boheme,
Il n'a jamais jamais connu de loi...[/i]
She was a master puppeteer:
Chiseling out men's hearts as if from wood,
Stringing them up and suspending them like marionettes,
Manipulating them at whim, setting them dancing when the curtains rose-
Love was but a show to her.
How she reveled in the dance of spindly strings and fragile puppets,
The romance and the chaos,
The irony and tragedy,
She felt like Aphrodite
But they called her [i]viper, wayward woman,
Whore.[/i]
They couldn't see that it was her only art,
That it was all she knew to do.
[i]...Si tu ne m'aimes pas, je t'aime.
Si je t'aime, prends garde a toi![/i]
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141,311 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this and I definitely agree with the fact that this would make an amazing story if written well. I can really envision a very early 1900's setting in Paris. But the french incorporation was an amazing idea in deed though I'm no good at French it still, in idea, seems sort of sultry.
I'm in agreement with the others about the last line, it just seems to have lost the tone of the poem and the sound of it lacks the seductive tone of the rest of the poem.
This was a really nice poem. The rhythm was a bit off, but I'll excuse that (hey, it's my fatal flaw too!). The story is interesting; I'd never really thought of it like that. xD
I agree with dreaming.inTROY about the last line; it seemed like a really abrupt way to end. Try a stronger line. Endings should be strong and slap you in the face. The beginning was really strong, but the end lacked. I'd like you to keep that strength throughout the whole poem, and then double it at the end. If that makes sense.
I'm only learning French. I know the last part means something like "You don't like me, I like you." But the rest I'm lost on. If you could just clear that up for me, that'd be great. Thanks.
Hello!
Your poem was really interesting! I enjoyed it, I really like how you incorporated the french in along with the english. It was very unique. I think you could make a great story out of this poem! The one thing I wasn't the biggest fan of was one of the last lines;
I didn't really like how the poem ended just like that. Maybe if you added another line to end it?
One more thing;
I think the "a" should have the accent on it. Alt 133.
Other than that great job!
-Avery. (: