Brenna was standing in front of her future. Once she entered the King's grand room, her life would be irreversibly changed. Instead of being known as a girl from a rich family, she would become a true noble of her kingdom, and receive her title. Other girls from all over Koreth Kingdom would be coming, most of them from prominent families. Brenna was descended directly from two of the seven Ancients, the founders of Koreth. Her father was a lord and considered one of Koreth’s greatest generals. Her mother was a lady, but she was also a fierce fighter, even though she preferred to work helping the poor. Brenna would most likely receive the title of Lady as well, and would be eligible for many jobs.
Her white gown trembled as she shifted in front on the entryway. Two guards stood to either side, wearing the customary green and white uniform with Koreth’s embalm on the chest. Each held a spear, sharp and shiny. Brenna knew from her tutors that all guards were highly trained and probably had knives hidden in their sleeves, ready for an attack at all times.
She tried to ignore the pointy objects and serious guards and focused instead on what lay ahead. Just beyond the large doors, she knew the grand hall would be waiting. Her parents would be there, as well as the King, the crown Prince, and the other girls. This was the only thing separating Brenna from adulthood. Once she was inside, childhood was officially over. Brenna would be allowed to date, marry, and receive a job when she so chooses. It was an exciting and prosperous world for someone of her standing, but that didn't make her any less nervous. She laid her hand on the wood, feeling its smooth solidity, and mentally prepared herself for the next chapter in her life.
She thought of all the lessons she had as a child. Several years of regular subjects, like math and english and history, but also many extra courses. Brenna had learned etiquette, horseback riding, sewing, and even the basics of many languages. Her father had also taught her to be skilled in combat, with and without weapons. Over the years, it had become her favorite class and her favorite way to spend time with her father. She was reminded of all this as she stared down the only barrier to the grand hall.
Brenna also remembered the months leading up to her sixteenth birthday. They were so chaotic, party planning, fittings for dresses and lessons all at once. Brenna remembered the panic that had set in when her dress hadn't arrived on time. It eventually got there, and she was presented as a future member of the Koreth court in wispy blue silk. The dress fitted perfectly with her pale skin, amber eyes, and soft blonde hair. She had looked just as a future lady should.
But what would she do, once she received recognition from the court? Brenna knew she wanted to help people, but also wanted to be free to run and make her own choices. She was independent, but knew she wanted to have a companion to spend the rest of her life with. Brenna realized she had never really thought about the after part of the ceremony. All her life, she had never thought beyond her ceremony. Nothing specific came to mind when she thought about her choices as an adult, and she began to regret not thinking about it before.
Brenna was pulled out of her worried thoughts suddenly as one of the guards addressed her.
“Are you alright, miss,” he asked, still facing straight ahead. To Brenna, he looked to not have moved at all, even though she knew it was him who spoke.
“I-I'm fine. Just nervous. It's silly, really, after all this time I took to prepare.” Brenna looked down at her white-gloved hands as she spoke, embarrassed.
“You know, girl, some people think that that door there is magic. Good luck,” the guard remarked. “It might calm your nerves if you wish for something. Also, it might be wise to stop hanging onto the metal like that.”
Brenna realized she had wrapped a hand onto the metal decorations so tightly the blood had drained from her hand. But she couldn't let go. It was solid, and kept her shaking knees from dropping her to the floor. It was also her barrier. Keeping her from entering, and allowing her to cling onto childhood for just a few short, precious moments.
Maybe it would do some good to whisper something to it. It had certainly helped her arrange her jumbled thoughts, almost a miracle on its own. She had been so nervous, thoughts in a whirlwind all day until she came to the grand hall. Yes, she thought, even if the wood isn't lucky, it will help me calm down. Brenna thought for a moment, phrasing her wish carefully. Feeling a bit foolish, Brenna rested her forehead on the wood, closed her eyes, and took a breath.
“Please, door, if you really are magic or lucky, grant my wish. I know many of the fairy tales we are told as children involve wish making, and often times, the people turn greedy, or don't get what they want. They have horrid lives, all because they tampered with fate and changed their path. All I ask of you is that you give me confidence and courage tonight, and that my fate and destiny go down the right path for me. Help me achieve my dreams.”
Almost immediately, Brenna felt a cool rush of air in her face. It gently lifted the loose strands of hair from her forehead, and Brenna felt calm settle over her. She let go of a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and raised her head. The guard who spoke to her hadn't moved. Even so, she moved in his line of vision and thanked him for his wise words. For the first time, she saw expression on his face. A slight smile curved on his face like a sliver of the moon, but it was quickly replaced with the blank look from before. The other guard never moved. Not a word, not a twitch, and barely even a breath.
Brenna finally felt ready to leave. Not just the corridor in which she was standing, but also her childhood, which she could almost feel clinging to her like a cloak. She shed her cloak and moved to face her future. Her eyes glowed, her hair and dress were impeccable, and she radiated an aura of peace, happiness, and maturity. A few faint whispers of childhood still clung to her, but now it was mixed with the feeling of being an adult. The mixture felt right to Brenna, and she extended a hand to push the barrier forward, into her new life. Brenna was as beautiful as a swan, and held her head high, stepping in a way that made her gown swish elegantly all around her.
As she was swallowed by the celebration, the guard who had given her the advice listened as the court herald announced her entrance. “Honorable Brenna, blood of the ancients, noble citizen of Koreth, here to be named as one of our own. We welcome you to your future.”
The guard relaxed his position, though the other one remained still. Glancing at him, the guard snapped his fingers and pointed. Almost immediately, the frozen guard reached up and cradled his forehead in his hands, obviously in pain.
“That came on suddenly. Hey, mind if I go back to my room? I just got the worst headache. Weird it came on so quick, huh?” The frozen guard had finally spoken. The other man pasted a look of concern on his face and waved him away. The one with the headache briskly walked down the hall and disappeared around the corner. Finally, the man was alone.
He was not an ordinary man. He was really not a man at all. He was an idea with a human form. Some people called him Fate, some Destiny, and others called him imaginary. He always had preferred Fate. It seemed a whimsical word to him, filled with mist and uncertainty. Fate’s job was to keep order, and create pathways, choices, many of which nobody but he could control. Sometimes he liked to mess with his power. Fate would visit a lucky victim, and they would stupidly change their fate, normally resulting in a very unpleasant turnout. But to the smart ones, fortune shined upon them. There hadn't been a smart one in a long time.
Until this girl. Brenna. She had been interesting. He could sense, feel, her panic as the ceremony went on. How she struggled with her choices. There were only really two. Run, or face her destiny. Brenna had chosen the latter. He had helped of course, as was his job, but he had also thrown in a chance for her to change her path. However, she made the wise choice, a surprise in someone so young. Fate knew his power would grant whatever choice she chose to make, and she was heading towards a bright, happy future. As he mentally strolled down her future path, he grew to like this acquaintance of his. Brenna would go on to help many people, becoming a shining beacon of light for others. She would eventually marry a handsome man, the prince’s brother, in fact. Then she would adopt two children, and birth one. Brenna would lead Koreth down a path of peace, for even a country had a pathway of fate. Later, she would die peacefully, with a life well lived. And they would meet again, Brenna and Fate. He was surprised to see this, but pleasantly so. Satisfied with his excursion, Fate retreated back into his mortal body.
He led his vessel into the twisting corridors, made it to the barracks the guards sleep in, and settled the body down in a bed. It was time for Fate to leave. He became an invisible mist and slowly rose out of the human’s body. Fate looked like a wispy smoke, with different sparks of color floating gently on white tendrils of mist, but he was the only one who could see that. Though nobody could see him, many sleeping guards shifted in their sleep, sensing his presence as he left. He floated through a small window out into the open. The wind caught him as soon as he got outside, taking him on the draft. As Fate floated away from the castle, he thought one last time of the strange girl, and realized he was very much looking forward to the next time he would meet Brenna of Koreth. It was strange to think the girl with the brain would never have spoken to him at all if it hadn't been for a door and a clever trick on his part. A small half-truth was all it took for her to whisper her wish to a piece of oak, and all it took for Fate to find a new friend.
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Canary word: Present
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Hello again Firelight, here for a review!
So this time we have a mix between fantasy and spiritualty. It is a really sweet and peaceful story about life choices and how they affect us in the future.
The fact you humanized and used Fate as the one to tell us about Brenna's future was really smart, because it clearly relates to the theme of decisions and what they might reserve us. I have to say, though, and I don't know if it was your intention, that when Brenna made her choice she did have a little help from Fate. And it is this part that bothers me a little, because in the end the reader gets the feeling that after all we are not entirely our own. That someway somehow there is this 'force' which leads us to choose a certain path. Of course in life all that surronds us lead us to the choices we all make but, in this story, is more like if Fate hadn't interfered, Brenna would have turned around and walk away.
Still, this is a very beautiful piece and your description an flow in writing enpathize that peaceful feeling the story brings out.
Hope to keep seeing your work!
Keep writing!
Hey firelight,
Cool short story, I like the humanisation of Fate and the fantasy/ medieval world you slipped into. There are a few things that I think would make it even better, as there is with pretty much every piece of writing.
The beginning is a good hook
But you may consider changing ‘was standing’ to the present tense ‘stood’ as you switch to present in the next paragraph.
Here would also be a good place to put in some grounding imagery and descriptions. Describing the door would link it to the prompt, or the differences of the guards here would set it up for the rest of the story.
The rest of this first paragraph bears a resemblance to an info dump, which is telling as opposed to showing. While it is not too serious here, I think you should be aware of it. It could be cut out and replaced with a simple ‘Waiting for her coming of age ceremony.’ Read it and see what you think. Reply to the review if you need more clarification.
I’m one to talk because I have just been called out on my dialog punctuation, which is probably why I noticed that; “Are you alright, miss,” should have a question mark.
I really like this paragraph and the description and metaphor you have written.
It is probably just me but I couldn’t tell which guard stayed and which left. Saying ‘the friendly guard snapped’ here would fix that.
I also like how you end it; to me it had a peaceful, blissful feel.
Keep Writing, Ferran