Published July 19, 2010
Admiring you More And more everyday Realizing my love for you.
Virtually life is Incompossible without Validity Of your love anew.
Causing my Reality to grow Ever more After her,
Feeling like the universe Eventually is pure.
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141,304 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
Hello there FireandIce
I have to commend you, this was a very creative idea. Eventhough, and I will be honest, the words and the meaning are just plain and cliche and nothing special, your idea totally throws that out the window. The way you wrote this adds that twist poetry has over other types of writing, so I'll commend you on originality.
Good job
Hey fire
Love's life creates faith?
So,
I think this poem is cute in its meaning, and the fact that you threw the Spanish acronym in there creates interest. However, I'm not quite feeling this poem, and I understand that changing it would mean [possibly] sabotaging the acronyms in all of their awesomeness. I feel like there are too many "big" words here, because you haven't quite measured the lines, dear, so, there's no sense of rhythm or patterns to the lines. In more ways than one, it kind of detracts from what you're saying in this poem, and what your poem could be.
I think you should structure this a little more, dear. Instead of letting the lines have that free-flow to them, give them some boundaries. While I think your idea is creative, and good, I think a few finishing touches could make this even better.
June
I'm gonna be a bit harsh, sorry.
I commend you for trying something new and different! A man who never made any mistakes never made anything, right? But this seems like one of the mistakes.
The bright blue letters make the whole thing hard to read. I assume those words in the title are from some Latin derived language, but they don't mean much to english speakers. The first two lines rhyme, but the last two don't, which makes it sound sloppy. There is a lack of rhythm. There's also a lot of long words that are forced into the sentence, so they sound awkward and the meanings of the words aren't really right.
In the beginning you use the word 'you,' but in the third line you use the word 'her,' which indicates that there's two people?
As I said, I like that you've tried something new, I just don't think this particular one worked. I hope to see more work from you
Hi, FireandIce. My name is Sol! I think I've never met you before. So "Hi! Nice to meet you."! Lol xD
I personally loved how you used words in Spanish, in this poem.I really like everything in this poem, it was really cute and you are very creative. Keep it on!
~Solvalery<3