Published October 13, 2010
Choices are all we have.
They are all we are.
Every second of every day we decide to breathe in.
We breathe in to expel lies.
We know not what we decide
When we have to. The time it takes
To know we’re wrong is forfeited
By those judgments we make too swift.
What if we’re wrong? No.
What do we do when we’re wrong?
Defeat is impossible to admit.
So we breathe in and expel more lies.
Still, you are wrong. How long can it last?
This feeling of immorality they heap on you.
Too fast you decided. Too slow you waver.
You are stuck now. But you don’t have to be.
They tell you what to believe.
You’re told how to think.
But I don’t agree. I can’t and won’t.
Sometimes, I just need to yell,
Damn.
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141,376 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
There needs to be concrete imagery. Tangible sounds, images, feelings. It's good, but it feels too general without specific images.
I think silent1 is wrong, new members deserve to have their works reviewed too!
I'll start with the good. Your diction and word flow were excellent, your stanza breaks were in a good order. You were very organized in your thought progression, and I was impressed with you word choice. The word "waver" got this poem into my heart (it's strange, but so is everything else).
Have you considered making more obvious, dramatic poetic devices? A good poem deserves a simile every now and then.
Also, I had a hard time deciding your point and audience. People are filled with choices, but they are told what to do and think? How is being told what to do a choice. Who are you trying to get the message to? A parent, a teacher? An authortiative figure? A decision?
Overall, this poem was a very strong choice for your first post to the site! Great job!
You should do a couple reviews first. Then I'll take a look at your poem. And welcome to the site.