Published February 13, 2008
OPENING NIGHT
twisting
tangled
up to my neck in curtains
listen: I’m up to my neck
and drowning in threads
pulleys
levers
the house quiets, show begins
the house cheers, show ends
I cry alone in a mirror
and so we fade to black
and so we fade to black
lipstick
powder
the spotlight will hide me
the darkness will love me
tonight I’ll die once more
I’ll breathe my last
and get up again
and so we fade to black
and so we fade to black
come, come darling
now is your cue
to run on stage and
save me from this
but i’ll get up again
and it won’t be just a stage kiss
this time
tonight
we’ll slowly fade to black
and so we fade to black
tonight only
we’ll all just fade to black
we’ll all just fade to black
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141,455 Literary Works • 674,468 Reviews
I like this, but I hate the repetition. It kills the poem, so I highly suggest you figure out what you are doing with it.
I really loved this stanza, so from the start I liked it. The rest didn't do as much for me. This was beautiful, the curtains, the threads, it worked really well.
then there was this, right after. The last line got my goat. Does that have anything to do with the poem?
This has some great lines, but the problem is it is so scattered. I can't tell what you want me to feel or think, it just looks like you're lining up words and phrases and setting them in stone and saying, "There, poem" but poetry doesn't work like that. What message are you trying to get across to your reader? Because I'm feeling nothing...
I think it is a good place to start, but you'll want to work on the central theme, and the rest of the poem. Seriously, though, knock the repetition. It does nothing for the piece. If it meant something more, or symbolized something, or made sense, than I would be fine with it.
Wow. I actually really like this.
Hi btw, I'm a newbie. Lol.
Anyway, I like the urgency. I love the third stanza:
It sort of encompasses the theatrical idea, imo. I also liked the repetition.
Nice piece.
Oooh! Lovely. I like the repitition, as Eimear said. Really good though. I love theater and it made me feel like I was back stage. Dunno about the acting part, I'm typically stage crew. Haha! But great feeling expressed here. I think my favorite was the first stanza. It really caught my attention and was the most vivid for me. Awesome!
~Yoyo
This piece really interested me.
I liked they way you ahd a good idea and put it to good use.
Please make all the beginings of your sentences capitals. It's really essential.
Other than that, it was really good!
Keep it up, shanan-cat!
This is totally unlike anything I've read before. I guess that's why I like it so much.
The repitition is good, as well as the expressionistic methods we'd usually relate to a play writer, rather than poet.
This is orginal and I loved it! Can't really critque much because I wouldn't really know what to do! You got my vote, so well done.
Eimearxx