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Archmagus-Prologue

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Archmagus

Prologue

The clock strikes 7:00 AM, a new day begins. A regular boy with a slightly above average height and dark hair wakes up at a regular house in the regular town of Summerwoods. The boy gets up, still half-asleep, and stumbles around his quite messy room until the closet. He puts on a black shirt, a red hoodie, a pair of jeans and his shoes.


"Breakfast is on the table!", the boy hears his mom shout from the floor below so he runs down the stairs.
"Did you brush your teeth? Did you wash your face? Did you comb your hair?" Inquired his mother.
"Mooooom, I'm gonna eat now so why brush before?"
"No replies young man! It's your 15 year old birthday and I want you looking as sharp as you can!"


And up he goes again, in the middle of washing his face he takes a good look at his face, his odd-eyes were bright blue on his right eye and deep green on his left eye. Getting his personal hygiene done, back he was again to the table.

"Now, much better, aren't we?"
"Leave the kid be, Candace! Don't suffocate the boy on his big day!"

Once again, his father saved him from what could become a 30-minute long grooming session.


"Fine fine, Eric." His mom stopped, contradicted, but she understood him.
"Here you go, Marco. I made a special B-day launch for you today. Run so you can catch the bus on time!"

So he did, for about 3 to 5 meters, he never was one much for exercise despite his slim build. He knew the bus would not come so soon anyway, so he could stroll down the street covered in orange leaves and catch the bus without a rush, he could enjoy the view of the trees now halfway through losing all their leaves at this point of autumn.

Once in the bus, his two best friends were quick to congratulate him.


"Marco! Happy birthday! 15 years, eh? When you gonna find a girlfriend?"

Marco got embarrassed although he tried to hide it. He still couldn't muster the courage to call that one girl out.


"Thanks, Finn! But what about yourself? I don't see your girlfriend!"
"I told you! She lives in another state!"
"Sure she does…"

Marco knew Finn would often make up stories about things like these but at this point he had already learned when to tell them apart from truth.
The event that turned them into inseparable friends was the time Finn was the first to not make fun of Marco's odd-eyes, he found them deeply interesting to tell the truth. In return, Marco would always stand up to the bullies who would make fun of Finn for being short for his age.


"Congratulations, Marco! I wish you much happiness in this day!"

This was Susan. Susan was the child who would sit on the front row for every class and eat her lunch alone on a table. That was until Marco and Fin started calling her to play when they were smaller. They soon discovered she was very smart, they started making many studying sessions together because she could explain very complex concepts in terms anyone could easily understand.
The trip to the Summerwoods High School was bumpy but the trio went chatting about their favourite comics and TV shows.

Classes were usually dull, nothing different happened more than ever so rarely. In fact, that appeared to be the rule for the entire town. Before classes started, Marco would often daydream through the window, pretending there was something out there waiting for him to discover, that would break the boredom and the monotony of the everyday.
During break, the trio was playing outside when the idea struck.


"Hey, Marco!" Said Finn.
"What?"
"After school, let's race to the arcade! The last one there pays tokens for the other two!"
"Man, you're always so energetic, why run?"
"Because it's so fun!"
"I think it's a marvelous idea. We should do so!" Agreed Susan.
"Well, I think it's settled then."
And so, Marco complied and the deal was made.

The clock ticked, the bell rang and the class was over. In 5 minutes, the trio was ready at the school gate.
"On the count of 3!"
Finn started the countdown.
"3... 2... 1... Go!"
And as soon as he said "Go!", all 3 started to run to the arcade.
However, Marco decided to take a detour. Observant as he was, he noticed there was an alley that could cut a significant part of the run for him.


"Ah, I had my eyes on this shortcut for a while now but it always seemed suspicious! But now is an emergency!"

Marco was growing concerned whether or not Finn had already outran him or not, but his concern would soon cease and be replaced by the greatest feeling of confusion of his life.

In the middle of the alley, he froze, his legs just wouldn't move, he felt the air around him become electric, a greenish light started to shine underneath him. Before he could think of calling for help, a sudden lightning struck him where he stood and he was gone. As the dust settled, not a trace was left behind and the thunderclap unheard by everyone.

"Awaken..." Marco heard an unfamiliar voice, very low pitched and deep enough to let him feel a vibration in his chest.


"Am I dead...?" Marco slowly opened his eyes, trying to make sense of his surroundings.
"No... At least I think not... I am at a library... A very big one at that..." Said him to himself, slowly looking up to a roof that seemed to fade away in the distance.

The place had a circular structure, with some glassworks on the windows of symbols that seemed random to him. The place looked ancient, the books too, the architecture was clearly from old times but the cloth changes left around and an old vinyl player made him doubt this notion.


"Come to me..." Marco heard the voice once again. It beckoned him towards it.


Marco, then, stood on the center of a circular mosaic in the middle of some bookshelves near the place he had awoken at. The stones in the borders of such pad began to glow with a sky-blue light, arching energy of the same color between them. The pad began to move, leaving the ground, the sudden motion made Marco fall to his knees and hands as he started to get lift up into the ceiling.
After about one minute of fast ascension, he arrived at a platform way above where he was, but still far from reaching the ceiling. He slowly stood up, looking around and noticing many portraits on the walls of a very wide area, almost like an arena, the ground of bare stone that seemed to have been burnt a long while ago.


"Open your eyes..." Once again, he heard the voice speak to him. This time it was much clearer than it was before, it was closer and louder.
"Who are you?! Why am I here and what happened to me?" Inquired Marco, unsure of what was to follow.
"You need not fret, child... I am an ally... Open your eyes and it shall become clear..." The voice once again instructed him, in a very calm tone.
"My eyes are open. If I open them more they might pop out!" Marco couldn't understand what the voice could mean, he was looking around, searching for the person calling out to him but he couldn't see anyone.
"No, child... You must open your true eyes... Close them, concentrate in your eyes and open them slowly..."

Marco did so. It all appeared ridiculous, as if by magic someone would just appear. However, he had just been lifted meters in the air by a stone pad. It seemed worth trying.


"Well... Here goes nothing..." He thought to himself.

He closed his eyes, focused on them, how they felt in the sockets, where they were in his head and remembered the color each one was... And then he opened them. His eyes had begun to glow, energy emanating from them, as they became glowing balls of blue light on the right and green light in the left. Marco looked to his own hands and feet to see what had become of him.


"Yes...! Good, now raise your head...!" The voice quickly became excited. Marco slowly looked up.
"W-what?! Who- WHAT are you?!" Marco fell on his behind.

The shock of this new sight had struck him too strongly, before him was a giant Dragon with golden light shining bright from symbols written in lined through it's body, it was lying on his belly so it’s front claws were beside it, each easily bigger than a van. It's eyes were lustrous orbs of deep blue, it's fangs were long, it's wings were contracted but even like that they made Marco sure he could stretch them out enough to cover a whole football field, it's scales were of a deep gold hue and seemed almost metallic.

Marco was on the brink of a panic attack but the Dragon began to speak to him with the voice he had been listening so far.


"You need not fear me, Marco... I am Arcandûr, Keeper of the Hidden Spire, Guardian and Loyal servant of the Archmagus..." The dragon lowered his head in reverence to Marco.
"I... I don't understand! What's all this?! Why am I here and who is Archmagus?!" Marco asked while he picked himself up, keeping a defensive pose ready to run.
"Allow me to explain... This story harkens back to a time immemorial to humans...
In the primordial times of the Earth, there was a constant flow of Arcana through the world. This flow served as fuel to magic creatures of many kinds: Ogres, Fairies, Fauns... Even Dragons. There were also pitiful little creatures inhabiting the world: humans. Humans possessed no special feature whatsoever... Until one day, one of them burst with the Arcana, this human's eyes lashed out energy much like yours were just now.
After the initial shock, he learned he had gained the power to harness the flow of the Arcana, he had gained power and so he was revered as a God-sent King to the other humans. Soon, they began to multiply, create big structures, take land and win wars against the other races living on Earth... But, powerful as this human may have been, a human he still were, and as all humans, eventually time takes its toll and the human perished.
With those news, the peoples of the world sighed with relief. However, a big surprise was in store for them. Soon after this human perished, a new one burst with Arcana just as the previous one. A new Archmagus had awakened.

That is what you are, Marco… A human chosen by the Arcana.

This cycle of death and awakening endured on and on until the humans came onto terms with the other races.
But fate has a will of its own and we all dance to its tune. One time, the Arcana chose a new human, a particularly well mentally gifted human, a young boy named Merlin. Merlin had been intrigued by the Arcana for his whole life and had collected many books and scrolls that told legends about and contained writings of the old Archmagi. Fate declared that this boy was to be chosen as the new Archmagus, one of the greatest to ever live. He studied the Arcana his whole life, the entire time it lasted. At one point, his understanding of the Arcana became so fine he created portals to other worlds, worlds he offered the races of the world to inhabit. Many complied with the Great Parting of the Cosmos and received whole worlds to their people, where they could live away from humans and in peace forever. Some remained, and as the humans again spread, their lands were taken and their culture vanished... Merlin came to repent what he caused to the world, he had made it a world without diversity, without the Magic he grew up admiring so much. Merlin built a fortress, then. A Hidden Spire where he stored all the knowledge he managed to compile, written by the Archmagus of old and by himself.


As his final measure to ensure his mistakes not get repeated or worse mistakes not made, he chose a Guardian to keep the Spire. It was I, Arcandûr, at the time known as Darandûr, King of Dragonkind. Merlin came to me once, as humble as he could get himself, he told me his story... Then he offered me the opportunity to guide the future Archmagi through the ages by binding my life to the Spire. 'Idiocy!' Thought me at the time. Why would I even consider doing the will of a human? However, Merlin was a clever one if anything else: He promised me eternal life in exchange for my servitude, the eternal throne of Dragonkind and ensured the world we lived in would be ever prosperous. Thus, I accepted, an eternal alliance between the humans and the magic creatures was forged... Forged with mine his blood in a ritual that bound my soul to the Spire he had created, a place between worlds that cannot be accessed by none other than the Archmagus and myself.


In the Twilight of his life, Merlin made one last Spell, one last enchantment that completely separated this and the other worlds. He cleansed the planet of traces left behind by the other races and made all knowledge about them fall into legend. As the life and the Arcana completely left his body, I took him to the tomb he had designed in life to hide not just his body, but artefacts he forged with his dense magical knowledge he deemed too dangerous left unattended even if left in the Spire.


This is the story of this tower, Marco. The story of the people who built it, lived in it, that came, that went... Your people, Marco. And my story too..."

Marco sat down; this was too much to take in. He looked at his hands again, now a faint smoky energy was swirling around his arms. He looked at Arcandûr, who was looking back at him, patiently and eagerly waiting for a response. He remembered how he would daydream of adventure and new things and now it had found him. Then he stood up.

"So... That means I'm a wizard? What am I supposed to do with this power? What am I supposed to do with all these books? How do I even get away from here? How do you know my name, now that I think about it?" Marco seemed more calmed, restless still but the initial shock had passed. He looked at the Dragon with a confused expression.


"Answering your last question, this place is strongly tied to the Arcana and thus, to the Archmagus. I am linked to you, Marco.
For the others, I have no answer, the Arcana works in mysterious ways that cannot be fully understood. I already had more than a few Archamguses that used these incredible gifts to earn themselves money. Others that tried to change world and had the world turned against them; and others who chose to completely ignore this gift fate imposed on them.
What I advise you to do now is this: leave the Spire, you will return directly to where you left as if nothing happened. Think it through; I will still be here waiting for your response. Take that key over that book behind you whenever you wish to leave." Arcandûr had seen such a scene repeat time and again. He knew by now what was best for a newly awakened Arhmagus.


"I... I guess you are right... I'll be taking my leave now... I really gotta digest all this before I can think this straight..." Marco was obviously shaken by his new reality but he was keeping control of his emotions.
"Very well, then. Farewell, young master Marco." Arcandûr bode him farewell while making another reverence with his head.

Marco used the same mosaic pad to return to the floor he awoke in. Upon arriving there, he realized he got the key, but didn't know what it opened.

"Choose a door and wish to go back where you were, Marco..." Arcandûr's voice echoed again in his mind.


Before he left, though, he looked at the books around him and decided to take one with him, to prove to himself this wasn't all a dream. He chose the one with the most appropriate title he could wish for: "Basic Spells for new Archmagi and Alchemic Circle Creation, By Daniel Jackson. 1942".


Now, Marco was face to face with the first door he could find, he concentrated and mustered his will to go back where he was. He twisted the key and unlocked the door. The door opened and showed the same shady alley he was shortcutting by minutes ago. He jumped out the door and closed the door behind him, as he did, the door shrunk out of existence and there he was. Marco was still emanating power, though. He concentrated to hide it by calming himself and letting it all flow out of his body. It worked; no trace of magic was on his external appearance that could give away his nature.
He put the tome he had found in his backpack and ran to the arcade he almost forgot he was to go.
He ran; ran for all the way until the arcade to discharge some of the adrenaline he had built up just now.
As he arrived, he saw Susan and Finn coming his way running.


"Hey! Marco? How did you get here so fast?" Finn had a surprised look on his face; he didn't see Marco overrun him.

"You used a shortcut, didn't you?"
"Hehe, you got me. I found one in an alley near school." Marco said while drying the sweat on his forehead.
"Marco, is everything alright? You look pale, as if you'd seen a ghost."
"Yeah... Now that she says it..."
Both Susan and Finn start to notice Marco's nervous face.
"Ah! Must be because if the sudden amount of exercise I got!" Marco replied to their comments.
"But what I want to know is how Susan outran you!" Marco had to change the subject quick, he couldn't let them ask anymore or else he would have to explain the whole thing that happened to him.
"Oh, I gave it my all but I think it's mainly because he is always so intense about other things, I ended up having more energy left!" Susan said this with a smile on her face.
"No kidding, man! This girl is fast! And look, she didn't even break a sweat!" Finn was at a total loss in this one.
"Welp, I guess you'll just have to pay us both tokens then!"
"Oh, come on! Can't we agree to something else?"
"No way, rules are the rules! And you made them so follow them!"
Finn was defeated at this point; he honored the agreement and paid tokens for all three of them.


On that afternoon, Marco enjoyed the time with his friends but always seemed to space off, it was hard to take his mind away from the thoughts he was having due to his newfound heritage. They played until the sunset, when the autumn leaves and the sun match in color, and then they each went home. Marco used the walk home to think about what he should do with this ability he had acquired but none of the things he thought seemed to be a good option: Some were too dangerous or would take from him the things he most enjoyed.
Upon arriving home, he met his parents readying their things to go to work, they worked on the night shift.


"Hey mom, dad."
"Oh! Hello, Marco! Mom and dad are getting ready to leave for work but don't think we won't have time for your birthday!" His mother was very glad he had arrived before they left.
"Marcs, let's go to the kitchen and have some of that cake, eh?" His father put his hand on his shoulder and the three of them now were in the kitchen, a beautiful black and white chocolate cake was over the table with fifteen candles spread on it. They sang "Happy Birthday" to him while his mother took a few pictures in the meanwhile.
"Make a wish!" Both said at the same time, as if they had trained for this.
So Marco blew all the candles and made his wish while the smoke rose and it's scent filled the room.
"Heavens! Would you look at the time... Baby, we are gonna get late for work." His mother looked at the clock on the wall behind Marco and kissed his cheek, his father came and gave him a strong hug.
"We have a gift for you! It's on your bed already! Bye Marco, we love you!" They said while already leaving the house to get to work on time.
"Bye Mom, Bye Dad! See you tomorrow morning!" Marco waved at them through the window.

He was excited to see what his parents got him, he threw his backpack on the bed and the tome he took from the Spire fell out of it. He looked at it, thinking, but he decided to leave it be, he wouldn't let that bother him now.
Marco grabbed the present, a long, medium black box with a wrap on it. Marco opened the case and found a note "Happy Bday, Marco! Love, mom & dad." Marco started laughing; he remembered Arcandûr's words saying fate has weird ways for he was holding one of the things he had wanted for quite a long time, a Harry Potter wand replica. Well, irony or not, he was excited to be the proud owner of such an item.


Marco was about ready to go to bed, bath taken and teeth brushed, when curiosity stroke. He decided to take a quick peek at the tome. He opened the book, the cover was old but not quite ancient, old as in books you would find at the local library's history section, the pages were beginning to turn yellow. He turned the pages until he reached the index. There were many chapters indicated there: Understanding the Arcana, Channeling the Arcana, Simple Spells for Beginners, Imbuing Items with the Arcana and Creating Magic Focuses... The list went on and on, Marco decided that it was too late at night to try to study any of that, but now he had got very interested on the book.
He but the book back into the backpack and went to bed, hoping to make sense of it all by then.

As Marco was falling asleep, his parents had already arrived at their workplace on the next town, the Hemmingway Centre of Technological Advancement's Metaphysical Research wing or HCTAMR for short. It was a complex that had great minds working on fields that conventional science had deemed too fantastic to spend resources on. It was on a town named Wanderfield that consisted of a huge research center that could function away from unwanted eyes. There, Marco's parents were the lead scientists on the Metaphysical Research project the Hemmingway Centre began conducting.


"Good night, Dr. Eric and Dr. Candace Smithson." A lab coat wearing man approaches them, looking rather restless.
"Good night, Dr. Johnson. Any news on the Phenomenon?" Marco's father greeted him back, now with a posture different from the laid back father he has at home.
"We got good news indeed! Our sensors detected an entanglement spike on the next city! We can't pinpoint the exact location but it's quite our luck it happened so close!" This scientist was getting progressively more agitated.
"Calm down, Dr. Johnson. Show us where the spike occurred." Marco's mother now seemed to get worried.
"No... Eric, this means... It's right in our city!"
"The new Chosen has awakened... Good, this is what we have been waiting for! If we manage to capture him while he still doesn't learn to control his powers!" Eric and Candace now became as restless as the scientist that came to them.
"Indeed! If we capture this person, we can advance in technology by leaps and bounds; also understand the energy that flows through everything that can barely be detected!"
"Doctor, take us to the Lab!" Now the three of them were running towards the room where their greatest machines and minds were working to determine more facts about the mysterious force that the whole wing was fervently trying to comprehend.

This is the event that completely turned Marco's life around; how his life forever changed and how he had a whole world opened to him, whether he wanted or not. That night, he slept peacefully, unaware of what fate had in store for him, for his friends and for his family.

Comments & reviews · 3
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I think your story has a lot of potential. It's a really cool concept, but there are some things you can improve on. You should avoid describing characters as regular, I know it's tempting, but they aren't regular, that's why you're writing a story about them. There is also the deal with there is really no such thing as regular, every human is different and calling a character a single word can come off as lazy. Not that you are, your just a better writer than that I'm sure.
Another thing I would suggest is, don't give the history all at once. You need to spread it out or it's overwhelming and we don't get the full impact behind those words. Emotional impact is really something to focus on, you need to have meaning behind ever word you write or you lose a lot of great storytelling power.
Try to avoid you using words like but, and, and so. I get sometimes you have to use them, ex: the two times I used but in this review. You should really avoid them, they weaken sentences and take away description power. Remember you are above these words, they don't need to be used, they are a crutch and you're better than that. What I do is I go back and read my first draft while crossing out every and I can. Maybe you would benefit from the same thing.

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Gummy
Review
Gummy wrote a review · Mon Sep 05, 2016 1:23 pm

Hey-o! My name is Gummy and I'm here to review your work! As custom dictates, I'll be looking at the good points first before jumping into what I think leaves room for improvement. With that said, let's begin this review:

First off, I have to congratulate you for giving these characters a unique personality with their own backstory. I also loved the manner in which you described the dragon. Each character feels like their own separate being that can be identified out of the mass simply by their characterization and dialogue.

As for the less-than-stellar parts of this story, I'll try not to overwhelm you... Not that there's much to overwhelm with in the first place, though! For starters, this is a huge prologue. If I were to split this "prologue" into two, I'd set the dividing line after the following line:

"You need not fear me, Marco... I am Arcandûr, Keeper of the Hidden Spire, Guardian and Loyal servant of the Archmagus..." The dragon lowered his head in reverence to Marco."

There's way too much backstory for the Prologue. The prologue for any story is made to set the tone and give the reader a hint as to the entire rest of the story waiting for them. By placing so much backstory at the very beginning of the story, you'd be alienating the readers... You're establishing a huge chunk of the plot before the readers get the chance to even remember the character's names. In short, I would simply take it easy on those backstories and leave the prologue as just a tool to set the mood for the rest of the story.

Even though it's a rather long read, I actually enjoyed this piece. You give great descriptions and provide interesting characters to the mix. I would SO read any continuation to this submission. With that said, I say good-bye for now. I really hope to review another one of your works someday, because I really like your style. Best of luck in your future endeavors!

~Gummy

Thank you so much, Gummy! I'll fix the down sides and make sure the future parts are improved and exciting!

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tigeraye
Review


The clock strikes 7:00 AM, a new day begins. A regular boy with a slightly above average height and dark hair wakes up at a regular house in the regular town of Summerwoods.


When it comes to describing a character's physical features, I think you should integrate what he looks like during the storytelling. You do it well when you introduce Finn later on, so just do it with Marco as well. When I pull a book off the library shelf and read the first paragraph, I have to be hooked right away or else I'm putting it right back. Describing how tall this boy is doesn't really do that for me.
] But fate has a will of its own and we all dance to its tune. One time, the Arcana chose a new human, a particularly well mentally gifted human, a young boy named Merlin. Merlin had been intrigued by the Arcana for his whole life and had collected many books and scrolls that told legends about and contained writings of the old Archmagi. Fate declared that this boy was to be chosen as the new Archmagus, one of the greatest to ever live. He studied the Arcana his whole life, the entire time it lasted. At one point, his understanding of the Arcana became so fine he created portals to other worlds, worlds he offered the races of the world to inhabit. Many complied with the Great Parting of the Cosmos and received whole worlds to their people, where they could live away from humans and in peace forever. Some remained, and as the humans again spread, their lands were taken and their culture vanished... Merlin came to repent what he caused to the world, he had made it a world without diversity, without the Magic he grew up admiring so much. Merlin built a fortress, then. A Hidden Spire where he stored all the knowledge he managed to compile, written by the Archmagus of old and by himself.


This is a lot of information you're trusting your readers to remember. It's cool that you've thought of this whole intricate world with it's own incredible backstory, but huge info dumps like this aren't always the most interesting thing to read. Instead of having this huge monologue, one option you could take is to split it up into dialogue, or just tell the reader what's happening now and give more of the backstory later on.

So... That means I'm a wizard?


That's all we really needed to know right now -- he found a dragon, he's now a wizard. You want to give your readers questions so that they want to keep reading, and the how and why he became a wizard can be one of those questions.

Character-wise, I think Finn is probably my favorite, the nice guy who is unfortunately bullied and Marco stands up for him. Though I'm unsure about their names -- Finn just reads "epic adventure hero" to me, and Marco sounds like the name of a best friend. I personally would've swapped them.

Description-wise, I think you're pretty good at, I really adore your description of the dragon. Plot-wise it's a bit hard to understand, but the bits that are easy to understand are very interesting. The mother didn't seem like that interesting of a character at first, but the parents trying their best to capture the "chosen one", not knowing that it's their son is very interesting to me.

This is quite heavy for a prologue, which is normally just background information pertaining to the story itself. The question you need to ask yourself is; will your reader be okay if they skip the prologue and just start with chapter one? If the answer is no, then your prologue should actually be chapter one.

This is a nice effort -- the story is interesting, and it's obvious a lot of thought and inspiration went into devising the backstory for the plot. I'd like to see the characters fleshed out more and the vital information spread out so it's not as overwhelming. This is a really nice effort, I hope to see you share more.

Wow! Thanks a lot! I'll make sure fix these issues.



Who knows anything about anyone, let alone themselves.
— Hank Green