Hey!
Great first poem! I'm going to give you a bit of general poetry writing advice since this is a great job as a first poem.
Firstly, I suggest you read poetry. Read all kinds of poetry. Read wildly and bravely and vastly. Read from all cultures and time periods and genres and forms! The Poetry Foundation has a lot of really good poems that you can read from many diverse authors, as does poets.org. A good resource for forms of poetry is Shadow Poetry.
Secondly, I'd suggest you start to write poems that involve concrete images and other sensory details. What can you see and touch and smell and taste and hear? Put those kinds of details into a poem! Using this strategy can really ground your poetry and make your readers connect to it. When you read poetry (step one, right? haha), take note of your favorite lines and favorite poems, and then look for the imagery in them. See what very specific sensory details that the poet uses, and try to do things like that in your poetry!
This poem that you've shared with us is lacking sensory images, so it feels just abstract, and it's not very memorable to the reader.
Thirdly, in addition to forms of poetry (like sonnet, haiku, villanelle, pantoum, etc.), learn about all of the poetic devices you can use in your poetry! In this poem here, you use repetition/refrain, which can be a very powerful device, though I think the way you use it here isn't quite the way it's meant to be used. I think that almost all great poems make use of metaphor, and rhyme and rhythm can be great tools, although they're very easy to misuse and mess up. I recommend practicing with rhythm and rhyme, but they take a really long time to figure out how to get them to sound natural and not forced. Practice makes passable though! I also love assonance (repetition of vowel sound, like in the sentence "Born in the morgue, George was forlorn when his orange porridge spilled on the floor." That's a bit overkill, but you see what I mean.) and consonance, or alliteration (peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers). There's a bunch of other poetic devices, and I'm sure there's a good list of them somewhere online if you look!
Fourthly, and this is as important as the first part, keep writing! This is just your first poem, and I'll be straight with you, it's not very good. But as a first poem? It's great! My first poems were also terrible. No one has ever written a good first poem. So how do you get better? Keep writing! See what works for you. Share it with others and see what they like. Take helpful feedback and learn how you write poetry. You're gonna be great, so keep at it! I believe in you
All my faith and enthusiasm,
fortis
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