Young Writers Society

Hello Ferruccio, it's outvaders here.

This is a cute little poem. It's short, catchy and most of all, it talks about friendship. Or love. It's debatable, but it's more of friendship. Fite me if you think otherwise. But either way, it touches the heart a little bit.

However, I'm not going to sing the same praises as everyone else. You see, for me, this poem doesn't feel original. I mean, this work doesn't feel like a unique poem specially made by a unique person, but rather it feels like a meme that you'll spot in the internet on Valentine's day, or a jingle some gaming channel on YouTube came up with, or a catchphrase that you could find on some random guy's t-shirt. It just feels so easily reproducible. There's also pretty much no trace of you that I see in this poem. I'll try to explain my thoughts.

So starting the poem off is the "Roses are Red" poem format. It's four lines, one stanza, and a famous format for love poems because it's short, catchy and sweet. Its popularity also makes it a good choice to implement it in the poem, because it resonates with a lot of people easily. So, that's two lines out of four down. But wait, there's still the motif of gaming. What are two things that are red and blue, yet are still related to gaming? Oh, what about Mario and Sonic, two of the most iconic video game characters ever? Now that that's out of the way, we have only have half of the poem left.

Let's skip over to the last line. In the internet, the "Player 2" is a widespread and common symbolism of having someone to play with. In other words, love or friendship. I mean, it makes sense, right? It's also convenient that it rhymes with "blue," which helps the poem stay loyal to the format of the "Roses are Red" poem. Another line down, easy-peasy.

Just fill out the third line with another common allusion to gaming (Wii U), then you're all set. Easy-peasy.

Here, I just showed how easy it was to make this poem and how generic it is. You simply used a common poem format (Roses are Red), used common allusions to gaming (Mario, Sonic and Wii U), and used a common symbolism for love or friendship (Player 2). From the first line to the last, this poem is nothing new.

Perhaps the most damning thing I have against this poem is this photo I found on the internet.

https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=play ... gGWjDli2jM:

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/380835712212554699/

I looked up "player 2 love poem" on Google, and look what I found:

"Plumbers are Red,
Hedgehogs are Blue
Press Start to join
And be my Player Two."

Look how similar your poem is to this one I found off a mere Google search. Your poem makes references to the essentially the same things as this one, uses the same poem format as this one, and ends off exactly the same way as this one. It feels as if you just took this poem on the internet and slightly paraphrased it. I wouldn't go as far to say that you committed plagiarism because I don't have evidence of that, but the closeness of your poem and this poem on the internet just gives off that vibe. Do you see why I think this is poem is unoriginal?

Anyways, that's the end of the review. I'm not entirely sure how the other reviewers didn't spot these out. Next time, add traces of yourself into your future poems. Maybe you can base your poem on your feelings on love or something like that. Anything to make it feel like it's something special made by Ferruccio1234567, and not a meme that has already circulated the internet a thousand times over.

Despite all that was said, I actually have no ill will towards you. Just keep writing, I hope I'll be able to meet you again soon.

-outvaders

I'm not really what you would call a gamer, but I know enough that I know who sonic an mario are. This is so awesome. It's short but sweet; keep up the good work!

Good for a quick laugh, something I could most definitely relate to (only problem is, I'm not all that good with women, and I'm a PC gamer). If that was your intent, good work! I personally found it quite enjoyable!

Of course, if it's meant to be something more... Well, too short to be meaningful! But I liked it anyway, which can't be said for most poetry. Anyway, I'll review everything that you did write. I'll try to squeeze as much review quality from this as I possibly can, so bear with me man!

I'll get technicalities out of the way first, then I'll state what I think about your work. It's missing punctuation, and the capitals shouldn't really be capitals. That's about it. Can't judge how well you've mastered grammar, as the poem is very short, but those are the only flaws I found.

Mario is red, you're right. But are you implying that he is a communist by nature? If so, then you'd probably also be right. No matter. First part seems good. I might place a comma after the first line myself.

Sonic is blue, that is also correct. Are you, however, implying that he is a police officer? If so, you are incorrect. Blue lives are still important though, so no complaints there. Keep up the good work, officer.

Now, here's where I've got a personal issue with your poem. Why the Wii U? Sure, you could say that it's a Nintendo product, and Murioh comes from that company, but Sanic is from SEGA! How do you explain that? How on Earth will you justify this act of heresy?

Last part is touching. Honest to God it is touching. I shed a tear. Mate, you triggered an emotional reaction in me, and that's what poems are good for, so goddammit you did a good job on that last line. Sure, call me biased, but even so few words can mean so very much!

I suppose it's blatantly obvious that my review is a product of sheer irony and hyperbole. Still, I stand by my point! This was absolutely great for a quick laugh, and that last line really did affect me more than it should have... Odd, I hope I'm not becoming unnecessarily emotional. Who would then take my post as the cynical reviewer?

You have a lot of nerve (in a good way), you know, and that's exciting. It's always very nice to see an author who fearlessly breaks expectations. Not necessarily exceeds, but utterly destroys them. Can't say I ever would have posted something like this, and the fact that you did makes me reconsider my stance on the topic.

Anyway, as Michael Rosen would say: "Noice!"

Edit: BlueSunset is correct. Third line is too long and breaks the flow/rhythm. Didn't notice that, but I second that criticism.

Hello there, @Ferruccio1234567! What a cute little poem you have here.

I will be reviewing this, but it may be a short review for there isn't a whole lot to review aha. I really only had one issue, and that was the use of rhyming/syllables. This is very important to poems, especially short ones, because if it isn't done all the way correctly, then things can get worse than expected.

Please pick up the Wii U

This is great, but one quick comment. I know this is modelled after Roses are Red, but there is one difference that for some reason I can't shake. Roses are Red has a rhyme pattern of ABCB, but you have ABBB. My suggestion is make Wii U into just Wii, or some other console, maybe the Switch.

Overall, I really did enjoy this. This is a short review for a short poem, and I only commented on what I didn't like, but that's really only because if I commented on what I liked too, I would've ended up quoting the whole poem.

Like I said, nice job. Please write more of these!
-Shey

Glitch: Ignore