Published April 15, 2017
Your opponent is red,
You are blue.
Both have some elixir,
but it's essential too.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Came here because I LOVE clash royale! But what I would recommend is making this poem a little longer. Maybe add in some other elements of Clash Royale such as maybe a formidable push or a strong defense to defend the towers, or you mention the two arena towers and the king tower. Other than that, i can give very little help on your poems because I'm not a poet.
Best wishes and good luck on your poem,
MJ
oh baby
Oh my gosh a Clash Royale poem! I love the game. <33 What level are you at?
Okay, chitchat aside, let's dissect this poem. I think what would help in making it stronger is more length. As of now, the length is too short for me to really focus on what's delivered, and what is already in the poem doesn't pull me in as much as I expected it would.
The reason I said that is, while the first two lines are effective in informing the reader a certain feature of the game (where you are always blue and your opponent at the top will always be red). Those lines don't attract me as much, however, considering I'm looking for more, I can ignore their weak impact. Other readers might lose their interest though if you don't capture their attention right at the beginning.
The other two lines are the weakest ones in this poem. How does the elixir being essential an opposite, a negative to both sides having elixir? Your use of 'but' doesn't seem to be correct here. They have elixir because it is important, not but it's essential. There's also the issue of the usage of 'too'. It indicates there's another info coming up, a different one than the previous, and it doesn't seem to be the case. The elixir being essential is an explanation of why the both sides have it, not as some another addition of the game.
Here's an example of how I'd make it:
* I used 'them' as a singular, gender-neutral pronoun for third person.
As it is, this poem is not to be taken seriously given how the structure of it is intended to make it humorous. Again, I would suggest to explore more and give more. Perhaps you can add in formidable cards like Giant, Golem, Lava Hound, etc., and give some interaction between them. Perhaps you can add in more emotional words here, or just words that make people want to follow this poem. There are many things you can experiment with a game as complex and fun as Clash Royale is.
And that is all! Keep improving!