Cover art for Steelheart: Forged by Fate, Chapter 1

Steelheart: Forged by Fate, Chapter 1

by Feonex

Published July 16, 2024

16+ Language Violence

In Steelheart: Forged by Fate

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

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Novel Description:

Long ago, three extraordinary hats existed, each imbued with unique powers. The most formidable and ominous among them was the red hat, a symbol of unparalleled strength. This hat was entrusted to a global scientific consortium known as the Crown, dedicated to exploring and harnessing its potential. However, during one fateful experiment, a senior scientist succumbed to the corrupting influence of the red hat, unleashing chaos and leading to the Crown's catastrophic downfall.

In the wake of this destruction, two rival organizations emerged from the ashes: The Regal Nexus and The Phoenix Watch. Both factions became obsessed with locating and controlling the lost hats, each striving to gain an upper hand in a hidden war. Over the decades, the red hat transformed into a legend, whispered about only within the inner circles of these secretive groups. The other two hats are still believed to be concealed somewhere in the world, waiting to be found.


Character Background:

Phil grew up in an orphanage. His legal guardian is Ms. Mary Alves, who is suffering from cancer and admitted to a hospital. Phil has a few close friends and harbors affection for a girl named Penny. He is currently a college student and supports himself through part-time work as a delivery boy. Phil wears a pendant that holds sentimental value as it is believed to be a gift from his unknown parents.

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Steelheart: Forged by Fate

Chapter 1

Stench of Shadows

"Coming!" a muffled voice calls from inside. The sound of a deadbolt unlocking follows, and a woman appears at the door, her hair hastily pulled back. "Yes?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Hi, I’ve got a package for Mr. Miller. Is he home?" Phil asks, glancing around the doorway.

"No, he's not. I’m his wife. I can take it," she replies, extending her hand.

"Alright," he says, pulling out a clipboard. "I just need a signature here, ma’am."

She quickly scribbles her name and takes the package. "Thanks," she says, closing the door.

"Thank you. Have a good day," he replies as the door shuts.

He lets out a big sigh, "Okay, just one more. Cail Street... Tone Martin Apartment, 543/C/31.”

He mounts his motorbike and revs the engine, heading towards his last delivery point.

Arriving at the address, he parks and walks up to the door, pressing the doorbell. After a few moments of silence, he knocks, "Delivery for Mr. Johnson."

A couple of minutes later, the door creaks open, revealing a dishevelled man clutching a half-empty bottle of whiskey. "What do you want?" he slurs, his eyes bloodshot.

"Delivery for Mr. Johnson. Are you Mr. Johnson?"

"Yeah. That’s me. Just give it here," the man grumbles.

"Sir, you need to sign here first," Phil says, holding out the clipboard.

"Ah, fuck off! Just give me the package," the man snaps, his grip tightening on the bottle.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't hand it over without a signature."

The man glares at him, raising the bottle threateningly. "I said, give it to me, or I'll smash this on your head."

Phil swallows hard, handing over the package quickly. "Okay, okay, here it is. Have a good day, sir," he says, stepping back.

As Phil turns to leave, the man calls after him, "Wait! How much for the chain?" he demands, pointing around Phil's neck.

"It's not for sale, sir. I really need to go now," Phil replies, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I said wait!" The man lunges, grabbing Phil by the collar. "How much, or you get nothing."

"S-sorry, but I can't give y-you this—"

Without warning, he punches Phil in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground. Just then, a woman’s screams from inside, "Baby! There’s a spider behind the sofa!"

The man grunts in annoyance, letting go of Phil and heading back inside. Phil scrambles to his feet and bolts to his bike, his heart pounding.

*

Phil walks into the office, weary. He approaches Lane, who’s busy at the computer. "Hey, here’s the list. All deliveries are done, except for Ms. Hemwood. No one answered there."

Lane glances up briefly, taking the list. "Good job. Wait, a signature is missing. What happened this time?"

Phil, frazzled, gestures to his bruised face, "You care to look at me?"

Lane finally takes a proper look at Phil's face. "Oh... rough day, huh?"

Phil sighs deeply. "The guy wouldn’t sign! He threatened to break a bottle over my head. I barely got out in one piece."

Lane shakes his head. "Why do these things keep happening to you?"

Phil gives a faint smile. "Guess I’m just lucky."

Lane counts out some bills and hands them to Phil. "Anyway, here’s your forty-six dollars. Go get yourself some ice."

Phil tucks the money into his wallet and heads towards the door. His phone starts ringing. "Frank, what’s up?" he answers.

"Hey, man, can we meet today?" Frank appeals; his voice is shaky.

"Yeah... but why do you sound so down?"

"I’ll tell you when we meet. Can you come over to my place?"

Phil rolls his eyes. "Let me guess—she broke up with you? Again?"

Frank’s voice cracks. "Bruh, she just expects so much from me! You got to help me one last time."

Phil sighs, "Fine, fine. But I’ve got work to do. Meet me at the hospital cafeteria at 7:30, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. I’m coming."

"See ya."

He walks to his bike and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. Putting on his helmet, he rides towards the hospital.

*

Phil arrives at the hospital and parks his bike in the crowded lot. He walks to the reception, where the air buzzes with the sound of conversations and footsteps. “Hello, I’m here for Ms. Mary Alves in room 622. Is she available for visitors?”

The receptionist quickly types on her keyboard. “State your name, reason for visit, and relation to the patient,” she asks without looking up.

“Phil Pathrose. She’s my legal guardian, and it’s a routine visit.”

She prints a visitor’s card and hands it to Phil. “Take this and—”

“Head to the seventh floor. Mrs. Jones, right? I know the drill.”

The receptionist nods, a bit taken aback. “Okay... here’s your card.”

“Thanks.” Phil pockets the card and heads to the elevator. He waits as a group of people exit, including a girl in a wheelchair, her legs seemingly a distant memory of mobility. Phil steps in with a few others and presses the button for the seventh floor.

Upon reaching the seventh floor, he searches for Mrs. Jones. “Hi, I’m here to see Ms. Mary. Here’s my visitor’s card,” Phil says, handing it to her.

“Oh, Phil. Make it quick; she needs her rest,” Mrs. Jones replies, signing the card.

“Thanks. How is she doing?”

“She’s stable. The medications are keeping her cancer under control for now, but Dr. Brown says she’s not out of the woods yet. We’ve got her under intensive monitoring, so try not to worry too much.”

Phil nods. “I just hope she gets better soon,” he speaks softly.

“We all do. Now go on, cheer her up.”

Phil steps into a room filled with the sharp odour of antiseptics and medicines, the faint glow of sunset filtering through the curtains. Ms. Mary lies on the bed, her eyes sunken and her hands snaked with tubes. A bouquet of flowers sits on the bedside table, which is cluttered with various pill bottles. Monitors beep steadily, recording her every heartbeat. She calls Phil with a feeble gesture.

“Hey, Sister. How are you feeling?” Phil asks, trying to muster a cheerful smile.

“Hi, dear. Can you take my mask off?” she asks, her voice muffled.

“No, no, no. The nurse will be really upset with me. You need to rest,” he says gently, settling himself on a couch.

“I’m fine, son. This mask just feels heavy,” she says, pausing for a bit. “Tell me, how was your day?”

“It was good. Had a lot of fun at college today. Life’s going great.”

“What happened to your face? I see it's blackened...”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a soccer ball hit me yesterday. Anyway, you tell me about your day?”

“Ah... I’m in my fifties. What interesting things do you expect?” she says with a weak chuckle.

Phil smiles warmly. “There are still plenty of things you can do, Sister.”

“Can you bring me some snacks? It’s been weeks since I’ve had anything tasty,” she pleads.

“Sister... you know I can’t. Just a few more days, and the doctor will discharge you. Then you can eat anything you want.”

Mary sighs, her eyes reflecting her longing.

The nurse enters the room, giving Phil a nod. “Phil, it’s time for her sleep. You should head out.”

“Alright. Get some rest now, and tell the nurses if you need anything,” Phil says, standing up.

“Sweetheart, you need to eat well. You’re getting thin and pale.”

“I will, Sister. Bye now; I’ll visit you again soon. Good night,” Phil says as he leaves the room.

Okay, now I need to finish that mechanics project. Oh no... Frank’s going to show up soon.

Phil makes his way to the hospital cafeteria, observing the world around him. He passes a young girl on a stretcher, being rushed to the emergency room, her small frame covered in blood. A young man bids farewell to his family. An elderly blind man navigates the hallways alone, while a couple cradles their newborn baby, their faces radiating pure joy and excitement.

*

The hospital cafeteria is a bustling hub of activity, with people coming and going all day long. The air is filled with a variety of smells, from the savoury aroma of freshly cooked food to the antiseptic scent of disinfectant.

Phil peeks around unknown figures to search for his friend. Unable to find him, he pulls out his phone and dials.

“Bro, where are you? It’s 7:45,” Phil says, checking the time on his watch.

“There’s too much traffic. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” Frank responds, blaring horns audible in his background

“Ugh... why did I tell you to come here...” Phil mutters under his breath. “Fine, just drive safe.”

In need of some fresh air, Phil steps out of the cafeteria and finds a spot on the stairs, gazing up at the night sky. The stars twinkle softly, and he pulls out a girl’s photo from his wallet, lost in thought. “I love you, Penny,” he whispers to the picture. “Just give me a little more time to build a future for us.”

A metallic clatter from the quieter side of the road grabs his attention. Initially, he dismisses it, but he soon hears a man’s frantic screams emanating from the same direction.

Does someone need help out there? He wonders, cautiously making his way towards the sound. The noises grow more distinct with each step. He arrives at a dimly lit alley, filled with dumpsters.

He pinches his nose in disgust at the putrid stench. “Ugh... why would anyone come here?” he mutters. Despite the foul odour, he continues further into the alley.

His heart skips a beat as he witnesses two shadowy figures engaged in deadly combat. The distant sounds of their muted grunts send a shiver down Phil’s spine. He quickly seeks cover behind a nearby dumpster.

His fingers tremble against the cool metal. He steals cautious glances, his instincts urge him to remain hidden. His gaze darts across the ground—a black briefcase and two pistols lay scattered.

As the fight continues, one of them—a slim, athletic guy—launches a swift punch on the other—a muscular man. He skilfully evades the punch and twists his hand with a sickening crack. Undeterred, the muscular man retaliates with a series of blows to his midsection. With a final vicious kick to the face, the agile sparrow crumples to the ground, groaning.

Shit man! That’s quite lethal. What should I do?

Seizing the advantage, the hulking brute looms over his fallen adversary. His fingers curled into a deadly grip around his throat. He convulses in a desperate attempt to free himself.

Phil’s heart hammers against his ribs, he freezes. Despite the lean fighter’s valiant efforts, the brute keeps his hold, and slowly the guttural noises come to a stop.

Phil’s phone suddenly rings, giving away his position. He answers the call in fright, his hands running cold.

“Yo, I’m here already. I can’t find you,” Frank’s voice cackles on the call. “Hello...? Phil...?”

The beast immediately scans his surroundings. Peering with suspicion, he spots Phil by the dumpster. He breaks away from the fallen figure and strides towards Phil.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Phil mumbles.

Before Phil could even comprehend his next move, the man is upon him. He grabs Phil by the throat and lifts him off the ground. Phil flails and struggles with his distorted attempts to speak. His phone falls to the ground in a clatter. But, in that instant, a muffled gunshot cracks. It pierces the behemoth’s ear, jolting both of them.

Comments & reviews · 3
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canopy
Review
canopy wrote a review Review · Aug 24, 2024

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Hello @Feonex, Detective Ira here, I have apparently stumbled upon your manuscript while searching for clues in the Devil’s Library, which is where I believe the ancient magical book of Toramu is hidden. Since I’m already here, I shall give my opinion on this piece of yours.

Though I have to say it is very strange that I should find your writing here…. hmmm…..

What I can see


I really enjoyed reading this first installment of yours, it's very intriguing, and I really like this concept of magic hats imbued with special powers. It sounds fantastically interesting, the backdrop of the two rival agencies has the potential for tremendous world building and this can take a very exciting fantasy adventure turn.

Since the downfall of The Crown happened, I'm assuming, a long time ago, I have a feeling that this might turn out to be a Chosen One type of situation, especially with Phil's necklace and unknown parents. Suffice to say, I'm very interested to see where this goes :D



Under the magnifying glass


One minor thing that I noticed was the there is a lack of setting here, I'm having a little trouble visualising everything. Not to worry, this isn't a very big issue, it can be very easily fixed with some more detail. Consider adding some detail as to where the story is set, which city? Which part of the world? Some detail about the surroundings, How is the sky? How is the weather? How is Phil feeling? Is his black eye stinging?

Maybe some detail about how the people he is delivering packages to look like, just some amount of detail which will really bring everything to life. Description is key. Describe the setting, surroundings a little more, so that the reader has a clear vision of how everything is, otherwise there is a chance that things get muddled up a little bit.


Another thing I noticed is a slight discrepancy in the way Phil talks, he shifts rather starkly with slang to slightly formal speech, again, not a big issue, so don't worry about it, he could just be that type of a person. However I have to admit that I would like a little more backstory here. I get that you want to keep everything about his life a touch vague to really keep that sense of mystery, but I personally would have liked a touch more information either related to the hospital visit or his secret love Penny, just to keep things interesting and the pacing tight.


Closing the case


Overall, it was a smashing beginning to your story, I got a good sense of what type of character Phil can be, and am looking forward to further chapters! It was lovely going through this manuscript of yours. Everything expressed was my opinion, feel free to accept or reject whatever you want.

If you have any clues relating to the book of Toramu or anything you want to clarify feel free to contact my alias, ahem, my dear friend @khushi17bansal.

Until next time!

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"This man was poisoned! Oh, wait, is that blood? That is blood. This man was poisoned in the chest with a knife!"
—Hercule Poirot, “The Murdertime Murders,” by Agatha Christie

Feonex replied · Aug 25, 2024

Thanks a lot for your extremely helpful insights.

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niclee373 Comment
niclee373 commented Comment · Jul 18, 2024

Hi, I'll say the good stuff first. I love you ended the story with a cliffhanger so that the reader is interested in a follow up story, it's definitely the right way to go. I like how you showed different sides of Phil from caring for his sister and thinking about his girlfriend to being curious about a fight.

The only thing about the short story is that there are a few parts of dialogue that took me out of the flow of reading the story. One part I was definitely confused on is why Phil calls his sister, "sister". I just found this kind of weird because usually people don't call their siblings by "sister", at least not in most areas, I think. I can also see that you're trying to show that the character is a young teenager because they use gen z or millennial slang "bro/bruh/yo". But I also think that there are some pieces of dialogue or thoughts that can be adjusted to fit a young person more. For example, when Phil was thinking "Shit Man! That's quite lethal. What should I do?", it kind of seemed different from the other pieces of dialogue.

On the whole, I think your short story is great as it's interesting and I would definitely want a follow up story. Maybe a few touch-ups would be great too, I hope my review helped and made sense. Good luck on improving your writing!

Feonex replied · Jul 18, 2024

Hello, thanks for your valuable feedback. I really appreciate the points you made out. It's not a short story actually, its the first chapter of a novel.

AigeEmmanuel00 wrote a review Review · Jul 17, 2024

Hey there! I just finished reading Chapter 1 of "Steelheart: Forged by Fate," and it's got a lot going for it. The opening scene with Phil making his deliveries gives a gritty, real-world vibe that immediately drew me in. The dialogue flows naturally, especially in the interactions with Mrs. Miller and Mr. Johnson, adding a sense of authenticity to the characters.

The pacing is spot-on; it keeps the tension building, especially when Phil encounters the hostile Mr. Johnson. This scene really amps up the stakes and shows Phil's determination and composure under pressure, which I found compelling.

One suggestion I have is to perhaps tighten up the transitions between scenes a bit more. While each scene is engaging, smoothing out the shifts from one setting to another could enhance the overall flow of the narrative.

Overall, though, this chapter sets a strong foundation for the story. The characters feel real, the stakes are clear, and there's a lot of potential for where the plot can go from here. Keep up the great work! I'm looking forward to reading more of Phil's journey and seeing how his encounters at the hospital and in the alley tie together.

Keep writing—you're onto something really intriguing here!

Feonex replied · Jul 17, 2024

Hey, thanks for your feedback. It helps a lot.

Hello! Your welcome. Let's follow each other!



It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien