[as]

Hello! Hope all is well in your world! The title of this drew my attention, so here I am to write a review sandwich. Hope it's appetizing!

Let's start with what I love about this. Yes, I meant that ironically LOL. I love the topic. I love how it is structured with a short line and then a longer line. I love the use of semi-colons and commas. They feel very intentional. I love the analogies and metaphors. Specifically, the "golden strings," "etched to your skin," building a home, breathing within love's waters, the crushing forming a tight hug. WOW! JUST WOW! There is a lot of depth here as you discuss and divulge love. You have told us that you cannot see beyond it, there is a magnificence that is "golden," it changes you from your core and out, you are in a place of familiarity and comfort, so deeply put inside of it that you cannot think about anything but it. Overall, this fits the bill for what love can do.

Moving onto what needs improvement. I found the ending to be confusing and echo the previous reviewers' sentiments. I don't feel like it fits the rest of the poem. I wonder if you could end it maybe like "Fall in love. And don't care." It repeats the beginning while emphasizing what I perceive as the poem's meaning. When you're irrevocably and completely in love, you tend not to care about anything but that.

I end with my overall impressions. I liked this a lot, but I really think with the change in ending, it will be complete. I enjoyed reading it despite no rhyme scheme (a personal preference for poetry).

Wishing you well wherever you are in the world. With love, ♡a

love is immersive. this poem hits the nail on the head.

everything is concise due to the length of the poem, but that means each line carries significant weight & has to contribute to the message. i think it succeeds in doing that. the imagery, although brief, manages to create solid images in my head. if anything, theres more impact when you consider the length.

something else ive noticed is your poems unique perspective on love. it suggests that love can be so all-encompassing that it becomes inseparable from ones identity. this suggests that love is an integral part of ones life, whether they want it to be or not. consider it like a symbiotic relationship. thats an interesting outlook that i havent seen until now. its something i will be thinking about for a while.

your poems ending contrasts this though. there is a noticeable shift in tone towards the end & it comes off as almost dismissive in tone. shifts in tone are fun to play around with, but id suggest altering it. the contrasting tone adds complexity, but since the poem is very brief, you might want to consider keeping it consistent throughout. keep an eye on that for future reference.

love is consuming & transformative. your poem gets that point across with just enough succinctness. with some minor tweaks, i can see it going far.

envy

Siya here with a quick review.

First of all your poem is amazing, it's a bit too vague in terms of who its directed towards but the message is clear.

I will assume that you associate love with something of high value with the line about 'golden strings' and discomfort with the line on 'it's waters' , and lastly you associated it with the familiarity and safety of a home using the line on 'a home that can never be broken'.

I'm assuming the message of the poem is to fall in love in a deep profound manner that complete your being by becoming one with your being and you expressed this effectively by using lines such as 'etched to your skin'.

The tone of the poem is a bit contradictory but I'm assuming that it's intentional because more than half if the poem talks about the process of falling in love with a reverent tone, but the last two lines oppose this by taking on an air of nonchalance.

I hope this helps!