https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/e/2PACX-1vS...
2 endings
This link will bring you to a Google slide, which is what I used to make this text based adventure game, which I personally count as writing. Make sure to read the directions. the slides will auto advance every 1 minute bc I couldn't figure out how to turn it off.
(Side note: This isn't really meant to be a choose your own adventure game where there are wildly different storylines. This is more of a focused storyline in this specific format.)
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Aye, this is really cool! I played it twice. Got the good ending once, and the bad ending once. Here are some thoughts!
Gameplay and Design
The slides auto-advancing did throw me off just a little once or twice. I wasn't sure I'd been on a slide for that long (a minute) either, but maybe I'm a dismally slow reader. I think because it's slides, you might want a warning not to scroll on a pad or with a mouse (it happened for me by accident, hah). That advanced the slides as well!
I have mixed feelings about the typefaces! It depends on what you're aiming for.
- If you want tonal dissonance, having the curly/jagged font in the sunny + colorful start makes sense. Likewise with the sleek/simpler text for the truth reveal or the inner mind! If that's what you wanted: affect achieved!
- If you don't want tonal dissonance and want to create a harsher contrast for impact, I'd suggest the typeface for the pre-reveal to be smoother, rounder, and possibly sans-serif. It has more of a "friendly" feel, to play into the forced happiness and false reality. Then, after the reveal, have the text gritty, textured, and optionally with serifs to create a visual sense of returning to a harsh reality.
I think you did a good job with readability. The color contrast of the text on the different backgrounds is clear and legible. With the intentionally oversaturated colors in the beginning, I appreciated the colored text in the "after" scenes being more diluted/muted, but noticed it wasn't always consistent. Maybe make them all less saturated for consistency!
I think the composition for the backgrounds is solid. It leaves space for the text in the center and is visually interesting without being too distracting. Artistically, not a ton of feedback to give here, since I can tell it's more story-focused, and I think I only saw maybe 3-5 different backgrounds!
A thought: does Docs let you put sound/music in there? That might be a cool addition, or something to consider if you do another project like this in the future!
Story and Theme
For a small-scale story with different endings, I appreciated that it didn't feel too drawn out. I'm sure the scope was naturally minimized because of the limitations of using docs, as well.
I liked that the mother was the key hook in both versions of the story, and the first "tell" that something was wrong. I like how in both endings you play with the "illusion of choice" - be it in both doors leading to a fiery demise, or both decisions with the letter leading to an inevitable confrontation. IE: the reveal can't be avoided, and the plot drags you forward.
It's interesting to me that, at least in my "good" playthrough, the cautious and curious approach was rewarded. Vs. in the "bad" ending approach, the trusting and brazen approach resulted in death. It feels very on par for story takeaways of this nature, which feel similar to the warnings of scary stories, where the lesson is to seek knowledge before making a decision. Overall, a solid plot.
The premise itself doesn't feel particularly new, but I enjoyed your spin on it, and the central message that happiness without struggle/imperfections isn't real. I can see the commentary on toxic positivity as well, and how it's unsustainable and harmful in the long term, not just to individuals but to those around you. I also appreciated how you humanized the mother and her motivations, as well as the "it" in the mind. It kept it engaging and kept me invested!
I think that's all from me, but let me know if you have any further questions for more specific feedback. Thanks so much for sharing your work!
This is soooo cool! Had no idea you could link to different slides in google slides
Ok I accidentally clicked on this and idk how that happened but i guess i can review it while I'm here =D
It just looks like you could check up how to do dialogue formatting correctly (you were inconsistent in that) Punctuation within Dialogue
Love the font :3
Hmmm I wonder why the teacher is not allowed to teach anymore after looking directly at you. Is that a hint that we are stuck in a time loop? Are there hidden things to click to escape? (Only one way to find out)
Also why do parents get to decide what books the children read???! The US is so weird.
Grammar tip: Remember that "English" and other languages are capitalised as adjectives :3
Hmmm now we are loosing the English teacher as well.... Suspish
Oh I chose to throw away the letter and now I am stuck in the dark (tho i think the information that the form is the google slide (I think?) is a little hazily presented and could be made clearer)
Oh is the creature a copy of "you" and now doing your routine (aka doing homework?)
Also dialogue formatting: "Those are my memories," it says
See that I didnt capitalise it? That's because "it says" is not a complete sentence and therefore the dialogue is actually part of the sentence. Also was not capitalising "those" a deliberate choice?
I like that you specifically say that the bedroom is blue to hint at the fav color
Hm i kinda got the good ending slide but the game continues? =D
I guess this is leftover info if you choose to read the letter?
*goes back to the slide with the letter and tries to read it* Ohh you cheeky game!!
*goes even further back to the first time you can read the letter* Ah there we go, this seems like progress.
Ah okay now we are where the good ending slide leads to.
Ah so only not reading the letter and talking the creature down leads to the good ending.
Cute story
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