It Eats My Heart Away

This is Kaos here for a review!

The first thing that I noticed here was the rhyme and my opinion on it is that it didn't really need to be in the poem. In some places it was forced and in others it was just /there/, both aren't really that great but for the sake of if you want to write rhyming poetry, here we go. If you're going to rhyme, either try and rhyme throughout the poem or have a rhyme scheme. This is a general rule of thumb and sometimes you can get away with rhyming once in a poem and then not again because it doesn't really have a pattern.

Onto more of the actual content of the poem, I have to say that this poem is wrapped up in itself in that it's all telling and not showing. This is something that I commonly see when people start doing poetry (which I think you said in your description?), and the rule "Show don't tell" applies here. Instead of telling us everything like you are now, show us it. Say someone says they're happy in a poem. Don't tell us that you're happy, show us that you're happy, because not everyone has the same definition of happy nor for any other emotion because it's perceived differently.

From what I understand, this poem is about someone fighting and then they don't feel like they can win. That's as far as my knowledge goes about this poem because it's quite vague. Is this speaker a hero, or perhaps just a person? We aren't really able to tell and that's something I wanted to know more of. On the topic of being vague, use more details and try and cut down on broad words.

At this point, this poem feels like it could be written by someone who is anonymous because /anyone/ can fit into these shoes. Instead of that, make it more personal rather than just having it be easy to connect with. Give us more of a voice from the speaker and give us imagery. Imagery is the images that you create which help create the atmosphere of the poem and also help the reader visualize, so I suggest focusing on that as well.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

I really like this poem. The rhythm is mostly smooth and kind of catchy in my opinion, and the rhymes are mostly good too, if a little forced. It's not really clear (at least to me) what you are fighting against, but maybe that's the point. The message is also a bit unclear, probably because of that. Keep up the good work! *_*

Heya, this is Jedi, here for a review! I like this poem's meaning, and the repetition of the phrase, "It eats my heart away," strengthens the poem and gives it a sort of backbone. But lets get onto the critique.

First off, I don't like how the 6th and 7th lines both end with "ways". It doesn't help the poetic feel to it and kinda threw me off as I was reading. Also, the rhymes seemed a little forced, or not strong enough. It would be better to not rhyme at all than to rhyme words like, "Bad," and, "Sad". Try going for a better vocabulary to improve this piece of artwork, that's my suggestion.

Other than those suggestions, I really like this poem. I like theme and repetition, so great job on that! This is a fantastic piece of artwork, well done! I look forward to reading more of your works!