Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
ooo
My soul is poor, my days are spent
I beg for life and you say “amen”
Honey, I can’t pay the rent
Just let me sell my soul again
We’ll make home in a highway tent
I’ll lie on the tarmac, you’ll lounge in the fen.
ooo
And when the rain comes, I’ll lend you my skin
You always said I was cold to the bone
Maybe the wind will blow ‘way our sin
Each iniquity is a bitch to atone –
In the end, you’re just a wolf in sheepskin
With the devil playing chaperone.
ooo
But I promised you the world, and I must pay my debt
Yet I have nothing to proffer, my dear
Taxman, lover, my greatest regret
You took everything, and you’re not even here
A neon to the shadows- a glorified silhouette, though
You’re nothing but the remnants of yesteryear.
ooo
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello, I have to do a review so I might as well do one on your poem.
This was a great poem! I quite enjoyed it. You did a great job at using all the advanced words, it made the poem seem much more profound. A way you could improve your poem is by fixing this small error. The first line, "My soul is poor, my days are spent" is good but doesn't quite run smoothly to the next line. Other than that I thought your poem was quite good. Thank you for the great read!
Have a lovely evening!
Hi there!
I really enjoy how you made this poem flow! Though there are just a few places where it doesn't flow quite as well, I was very impressed and found it easy to follow along. You use very nice vocabulary, and I think it all matches the poem well. The rhyme scheme you used worked very well, and it all made sense, which doesn't always happen.
I really enjoy how you divided the poem up! I think it helps the reader make more sense of what you're trying to convey.
The last stanza, to me, seemed a little awkward compared to the other ones. The first line just seems a little long and doesn't flow into the next line.
That's really it! Like I said, I really enjoyed it, and I only found a few things that seemed out of place.
Thank you for giving me something beautiful to read, and enjoy the rest of your day/night!
xo,Amber