z

Young Writers Society



Wings of Forever

by Fantasy♥101


Prologue

The freezing temperature broke through the thin coat of a young woman hurrying along a seemingly deserted and harmless road.

Something grabbed hold of her Chestnut hair and she fell violently to the ground. She looked around, her chocolate eyes wide with fright. Her eye caught a movement in the shadows, and a creature unknown to humans was suddenly in front of her.

It had scales in a sickly yellow color, and sixteen eyes dotted all over its head, all in a burnt orange. It had nothing but holes for a nose, and a slit for a mouth. It had four long, fleshy tails with sword like spikes on the end, and three clawed feet, but no arms.

It stalked up to her and prodded her with one of its clawed feet, the stench almost knocking her out cold. It whipped its tail around to pick her up, but she dodged it. She had to break free…had to warn Zlacious…had to save everyone…

The woman struggled fiercely with her bindings, but only succeeded in making them cut further into her skin. The creature had recovered from the startling movement of the woman, it lashed out faster and with more force this time. The woman struggled harder. “No! You can’t do this! Don’t you see! It’s wrong! You can’t be that wicked! Your master does not control you! Have your own mind! NO!”

The creature laughed, a sound like a newborn child in the utmost pain, and then set three of its ugly orange eyes on her. She froze. Those eyes captured her; she was stuck in their grotesque gaze. Then it spoke, it was the most unnerving blood-curdling sound; like nails on a chalk board and the crack of bones and the last breath of someone in great pain; it was indescribable. “I am a part of my master. I shall never betray him. I must bring you back to him, you naughty girl. He is angry, you shall be punished greatly. I am not to harm you, you are needed alive, but once the Great One is done with you, I shall be first in line for the…ending of you.” It smiled wickedly, its pointed teeth glinting in the moonlight.

The woman knew it was her end, but she couldn’t give up. She put all her effort into breaking through her coat. She heard the distinct sound of the seam ripping. But unfortunately, the creature heard it too.

It seized her around the middle, just as her magnificent blue wings burst out of the jacket. She flapped as hard as she could, but the creature would not let go. She pulled it ten feet into the air, before collapsing from the effort. The creature smiled its ugly smile again. “I know the Great One won’t mind if I just taste you. It will get you to him unharmed. Yes, yes, a great idea, treat for me, you alive for the Great One, but only just. Yes.”

The creature bent down the nearly unconscious woman. He inhaled deeply, and licked her neck, the spines on it cutting jagged lines, where blood trickled down and out of. The burnt orange of the creature’s eyes turned fiery. The venom from the creature had started to seep into the woman’s blood. She struggled to keep awake, but it was no use. The last thing she remembered was feeling the creatures fangs pierce her skin.

The Boy

"Lia! Lianna!" My dad called, I ignored him. I was watching the ground. I couldn't believe it. There had been humans standing around in our yard everyday for almost a week now! All they did was stand there, not playing, not doing anything! They just stood there, looking around expectantly.

I wanted to go out and play with my friends, but we can't with humans around. So I've been stuck inside all day for a week! Only alowd to go out at night, and we can’t play Shine at night. I mentally told them to GO AWAY! But they continued to stand there, turning there heads around so fast It was a wonder they didn't fall down. I sighed.

"LIANNA!" My father shouted louder. I rolled my eyes and began to get up, but almost immediately, I stopped, and did a double take. I ran back to the window and peered out. There was nothing but the humans. I squinted. Nothing. I looked down at the humans again, and jumped, a human was looking right at me. He looked away, and I expected him to tell his friends he had seen someone in a house in the trees. But he did not talk to anyone; he just leaned against the trunk, and rolled his eyes, which I noticed were a shocking blue.

He slid down to a sitting position, and lay his head against the trunk. This allowed me to get a good look at him. He had light brown hair that fell haphazardly around his face. An oval face with a sharp chin, a soft mouth that was hanging slightly open, and a nose that looked as though it had recently healed from a punch. I looked closer, there was something about him...I shook my head, It was just my annoyance.

"LIANNA ELSIE SELENI!" My dad shouted at the top of his voice, which was angry. "Get in here!" I sighed and turned to leave. When I got to the door, I cast one last look at the boy, and I swear I saw him glance longingly at the house before I turned the corner.

Meeting

When I got to the kitchen my dad was furious. "Why didn't you come when I first called you?" he demanded, slamming my food down in front of me. "Sorry." I said, not wanting to get into it.

He mumbled something under his breath and sat down. "Pass the milk, Lia?" my little sister Bell asked. "Yeah! Pass the milk!" the twins Zane and Zim said together, flapping there wings and knocking over the salad. Bell looked up at them and rolled her eyes, "Teenagers." she muttered. I smiled at her, and passed the milk.

Carlie, the oldest of us kids, sat dignifiedly at the end of the table opposite dad. She ate her food in tiny bites, her wings tucked in. And at the end next to dad, my baby brother Avery. Dad always said that mom just had to even it out, three boys and three girls. I smiled at the thought. Thinking of three and three made me think of the six humans by our house today, which made me think of the boy.

I didn't pay attention to anything all through dinner, and as soon as dad excused us, I went upstairs to my bed and laid down. I thought about the boy; about his blue eyes, his brown hair, his slightly crooked nose, his slight freckles; I thought about how he was tall, but the smallest of the three that came today, he was thin, not muscular like the rest, and he had a kind face; I thought about how he had looked right at my house twice. There was something about him...something I just couldn't put my finger on...

There was a tapping on my window. I jumped and looked around. My best friend Enna's face was peering in. "Enna!" I said and opened the window. "Come on!" she said and flew down to the ground. I followed, being careful to shut my window, and found Kristy, Victor, Mars, and Kiki waiting for them. "Finally!" Kiki said, her dark skin blending in with the night "I've only been gone two minutes!" Enna retorted. Kiki rolled her eyes and laughed.

I realized I was standing in the same spot the boy had stood in earlier. I looked around, half expecting to see him, but I didn't. "To the creek!" Victor said, and we took off. Vic flew really close to me, but I paid him no mind. I wanted to go swimming! When we got to the creek, I dove right in, just after Mars. I flew up out of the water and flew in circles above everyone, getting Enna and Kiki soaked before they even got in the stream. Then I spotted something, not your regular something, something you wouldn't expect to see, even at midnight.

I made sure no one was watching, and flew down on the opposite bank from everyone else. I walked through the trees, "Hello?" I called; something tripped behind me and let out a muffled "Ouch!" I whirled to see who it was, but I couldn't tell. All I could tell was that it wasn't a fairy. I froze. The person got up. "Uh...hi." it was a boys voice that spoke. I didn't move. He walked forward, "I'm sorry I startled you; I just had to see..." he trailed off. "Who are you?" I asked before I could stop myself. Then he moved into the moonlight. It was the boy. "My names Danny." he said, "Danny Reave."

[i]Q and A

What are you doing here?" I asked. "I just-" Danny said, but I cut him off, looking in the direction of my friends, "Come on." I grabbed his hand and flew into a tree, pulling him with me. He had already seen all of us, and knew what we were; there was no point in trying to hide it.

I set Danny down right in front of me and looked him right in the eye, "Why are you here? How did you know? Why didn't you go home with your friends? Have you told anyone? Are you here with someone? Does anyone else know?" I asked quickly. "One question at a time." he said wide eyed. "Fine," I said anxiously, "Are you the only one here?" "Yes." he answered "Are you the only one that knows?" "Knows what? That you exist or that you're a fairy?" he asked "Both!" I say exasperated

"I told my friends not to wait up for me because there was something I wanted to check out, does that count?"

"Did you tell them what you thought you saw?" "No." "Why did you stick around to see if it was true? Why didn't you just take it as your imagination and leave?" "That was two questions." I glared at him. He held up his hands, "I just wanted to see if I really had seen something. I don't know why, I just, went on instinct." he said looking away from me.

I sighed, he was the only one who knew of us, but how could I be sure he was not going to tell anyone? "Are you going to tell anyone about us?" I asked "Who would believe me?" he replied. I have to agree to that, no one would believe him. "Your friends might. They might really trust you and come with you to confirm it." I suggested, he scoffed. "Yeah right. My 'friends'," he made quotation marks with his fingers, "Don't listen to a word I say." He looked down "I don't have any real friends anymore."

At those words my worry went away. He wasn’t going to tell anyone, he had no one to tell. "Why don't you stop hanging out with them if they aren't really your friends?" I asked. He looked up at me, "Because, if I do I really won't have anyone, I'll be a nobody. I'll be all alone." "But at least you won't be pretending! You'll be yourself again, not just a clone of the populars." I said encouragingly. He smiled at me, "You don't understand." he said, "You've never had no friends or been all alone. You've got them." he gestured in the direction of the stream, "I wish I could have at least one person like that." he said speaking to himself now.

I started to reply, but someone else’s voice broke through the trees. "Lia!" Vic called, "Lia? Where are you?" I jumped up and looked at Danny, "You have to go!" I said wide eyed, "I shouldn't be talking to you! If he finds you!" I grabbed his hand and flew down from the branch we'd been sitting on. "I could have jumped, you know." he said irritably.

"Hurry!" I said as I spotted the blue glint of Vic's wings, "Victor's coming!" "Who's Victor?" he asked suspiciously, I ignored him and pulled him behind the tree, "Stay here and don't make any noise!" I said and started back around, but he grabbed my hand, "Wait!" he said, "What's your name?" "Lia Seleni." I said hurriedly, he let go of me, and I flew back into the tree just as Victor's silhouette came into view. "Lia!" he said, "We were getting worried!" "Sorry, I was just enjoying the forest." I said, "Well, come on." he said, and held out his hand, I took it and we started for the creek. I looked over my shoulder and saw Danny peering around the tree; he smiled and started walking the other way

Helping Bell

When I woke up the next day, all I could think about was the night before. I lay in bed and thought about how the boy had sounded so suspicious when I had mentioned Victor at first, then had just waved as I flew away with him. How he had smiled. How Victor had held my hand all the way back to the stream. How everyone had been about to splash me with water as we got back, but Victor shielded me. I thought nothing of these things though, Victor was my friend, he was only playing. What I thought about most was the boy. I thought about his silky brown hair, and his dark blue eyes. He was taller than me, but only by about an inch. How he had seen me momentarily, and had stayed back to see if I was real. I thought about how we had talked and what we talked about. I thought about everything.

There came a knock at my door, and I was pulled out of my thoughts. I swung my feet over the edge of my bed, and stood up. I went to the door, and pulled it open to find Carlie floating there, she liked to fly indoors, even though it was pointless. “You’re not dressed yet?!” she asked exasperated. “Why?” I replied, she rolled her eyes, “Of course you’d forget.” I looked at her quizzically. She sighed annoyingly, “Aunt Xena!” she said, and my eyes widened. “Crap! I completely forgot she was coming! I got to get dressed, see you downstairs Car!” I said and slammed the door. I heard her huff indignantly and stalk down the hall, on her feet now, being her usual drama queen self.

I laughed quietly and went to my closet, where all my clothes floated in two rows, tops and bottoms, and there were about four columns going back. I had an outfit already; I had set it aside when Dad had first told us that Aunt Xena was coming. I gestured for it to come out of the closet, and it did, I took off my silver pj’s and slipped on the outfit. I went to the mirror and examined the royal purple shirt, which matched my hair, it had sleeves that gradually and smoothly went from opaque to translucent and glittery until they reached my elbow, the neckline was a shallow V that followed my collar bone as far as it could and met seamlessly a few inches below that, the bottom of it was like the sleeves and came down to just below my waist. I had matched it with a pair of perfect-fitting dark blue jeans, they had swirly royal purple designs all along the outside seems, they just reached the floor since I had no shoes on yet.

I closed my closet door, snapped my fingers to make my bed, and headed for the door. As I passed the mirror, I took one last look at myself, and smiled. I realized I had forgotten my purse, and beckoned for it to come to me. It came over as a sparkly pink, but when it touched my shirt, it changed to match. I swung the chain-link strap over my shoulder, and headed down the hall.

As I passed Bell’s room, I heard her grunting and growling as if struggling with something. I knocked on the door; the grunting stopped, “Who is it?” came Bell’s voice, “It is I, the wise and noble Lia.” I said, and I could tell she was rolling her eyes and silently laughing. She opened the door; she had quickly pulled her pj’s back on. “Why aren’t you dressed yet?” I asked, and she turned pink. “Well, Um...come here.” She took my hand and pulled me into her room, and pointed at the emerald green dress she was going to wear, “What?” I asked. She walked over to it, and attempted to put it on, but it got caught on her wings. “What happened to your wings?” I asked, alarmed, “Why won’t they go through?” she looked bashfully at me, “I…uh…I tried to make them disappear completely, but they turned completely solid instead.” She said, I sighed, “You’re not to that level yet, here.” I ran my hand down one of her wings, and the dress slid through them, “Thanks.” She said, and smiled shyly, “I won’t try anything I don’t know how to do anymore.” I smiled, “So could you teach me how to do it?”

Arrival

“Maybe,” I said, “But right now, we have to go eat breakfast.” Bell squealed happily and I laughed. “Come on.” I said, and walked toward the door, but Bell stopped me, “Wait, opening door’s is on my level!” she said, and pointed both of her hands at the door, her emerald eyes focused in concentration.

The door creaked in protest, but opened. Bell jumped up and clapped her hands. “Yes! I did it! That’s the second time I’ve been able too! I can’t wait to show dad!” she ran out the door and flew down the stairs, but she was going to fast, and instead of landing on her feet, she landed on her butt. I laughed and she glared playfully back. “Good thing the house is child-proof.” I said, as I landed next to her, “It is not.” Bell said as I helped her up, “Sure it is. Why do you thing every floor is carpeted?” I said matter-of-factly, “The kitchen, the dining room, and the bathrooms aren’t!” she retorted. I laughed, “Fine, fine, you win.” She smiled, and ran ahead of me toward the kitchen, her fiery hair swinging behind her.

I went over to the couch, and grabbed my Fiery Heart. I had put it down, then gone to bed without taking it with me, and I don’t go anywhere without it. I turned to go back to the kitchen, and found Zim standing in the middle of the hallway looking confusedly in his pocket. “Something wrong?” I asked, and he looked up at me, “have you seen my Fiery Flame?” he asked, “Well...I think I saw it on the floor in your room.” I said, and he smiled, “Thanks, I swear it was in my pocket one second, and the next it was gone!” I rolled my eyes, “Oh, and Dad said to tell you to get in the kitchen and eat your breakfast now. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

With that he flew up the stairs, and I walked to the kitchen. I went to grab myself some Star Bites, but Dad stopped me, “I made Camival. How much do you want?” he asked, holding a bowl and ready to scoop. I turned to look at the delicious breakfast sitting on the stove. “I don’t care; if I want more I can get more.” I said. He smiled and filled the bowl half-way, “There you go!” he said, I took the bowl and sat down

♥ ♥ ♥

We were at the porting station, waiting for Aunt Xena’s Travern to arrive. A travern is like a portable home; on the outside it looks like a plane, but on the inside it’s a mansion, or it could be a five star hotel or just a large house depending on how many people are traveling in it. It’s the fastest and most comfortable mode of transportation there is.

I flew a little higher, trying to see the travern. I squinted at the horizon, and thought I saw the silhouette of something. After a few minutes, I realized it was the outline of a travern, I could tell it was a travern and not a plane because all fairy’s can tell the difference between magical and non-magical items, it’s just something we do.

I raced to the port, with my family close behind me. We reached it just as the travern landed and Aunt Xena zoomed out of it moments later. I rushed to hug my favorite relative and shouted “Aunt Xena! It’s so good to see you!” she laughed warmly, “Its good to see you too, my little bird!” she said. She calls me her little bird because when I was a little girl, I used to fly around with the birds and sing there wordless songs, I even slept near a nest once. Now everyone had reached Aunt Xena, and there were hugs and kisses everywhere. “It’s so good to see you all!” she said as the commotion died down, “Ok, time to get back home.” Dad said, “Xena needs to unpack!” Giddy with excitement, I grabbed a bag and raced home, delighted that one of my favorite people was here. So excited, that I forgot all about Danny Reave.

Presents

“Before we leave, I have presents for each of you!” Aunt Xena announced. Beckoning in the direction of the room she was staying in and seven boxes of all different sizes and colors descended the stairwell, landing on a nearby table. It was two hours after she had arrived, and we were about to head out for the Park, my favorite amusement park.

“Even me?” asked Dad, smiling. Aunt Xena nodded “Yes, even you Jack. In fact, why don’t I give you yours first?” she grabbed a medium sized brown box, and handed it to him. He opened it, and pulled out a book. He smiled, “The Best Recipes in the World.” He said, “Thanks Xena!” and he hugged her. “Okay, Zane your next!” she handed him a box slightly smaller than dads and green. He opened it, and his face lit up, “You got me an Everything tool! That’s so awesome!” he said, and pulled out a long thin metal rod, he weighed it in his hand and examined it. “Zim.” She handed him a blue box the same size as Zane’s. “Yes!” he shouted as he pulled a black box with lots of little things poking out of it, and lots of holes “Thank you so much Aunt Xena!” he turned over, and I saw Ultimate Amp inscribed on it. “Now you Carlie.” She handed her a pink box, the largest in the pile. She, being an ultimate drama queen, opened it slowly, and squealed loudly in delight as she saw what was inside. Then she pulled out a beautiful flowing pink silk dress and held it up to her body. It was decorated with sparkles and lace. “Oh, thank you Aunt Xena! It’s beautiful!” she exclaimed and flung herself at her. Bell, the Twins and I rolled our eyes, but Aunt Xena laughed. “I got Avery this ball.” She put it in his hands, “This is for you Bell.” She handed her a small red box, and Bell whipped it open, pulling out a journal-like book and a Fire Pen. “A Helpful Book for Poetry Writers! Thank you!” She opened the book, placed the pen on it, and started writing, fire blazing out of the butt of the pen. “And last but not least: Lia!” she handed me the smallest box of all, it was a deep purple. I opened it quickly and excitedly. When I saw what was inside, my mouth fell open, and my eyes widened. “Oh, Aunt Xena!” I said, while everyone watched me expectantly, “Well?!” said Bell. I reached inside and pulled out the most beautiful necklace I had ever laid eyes on. The chain was a thin, glowing silver without a clasp in sight, there were little strips of chain that dangled down, all ending in a brilliant blue gem, and they led up to a beautiful heart-shaped gem the same color brilliant blue as the other gems. It glittered and shimmered every time it moved.

I stared transfixed at the beautiful necklace, “Well, go on, put it on!” Bell said. I looked up at her excited face, then at everyone else’s. Dad looked pleased, Zane was studying the necklace, Zim looked happy for me, Carlie had at sometime put on her new dress, and looked envious, and Aunt Xena was beaming. I slipped it over my head, the chain enlarging so it would fit, then going back to its original state. Bell and Aunt Xena gasped happily, “It’s beautiful!” Bell said. “I got it because I thought it would match your eyes.” Aunt Xena added “And it does! Perfectly. Go look at yourself!” she pulled me over to the mirror, and I gasped. The necklace did match my eyes perfectly. It looked as though it belonged hanging on my neck, like it had been waiting its whole existence to be there. I smiled, “It’s gorgeous!” I said. “Well, I think we’d better go! It’s almost noon!” Dad said, and we left shortly thereafter.


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263 Reviews


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Wed Jul 29, 2009 6:05 pm
Angels-Symphony wrote a review...



Hey Fantasy ^^ Shina here for a review ;)

Overall

You're half telling, half showing, and it's turning into an info-dump:

The freezing temperature broke through the thin coat of a young woman hurrying along a seemingly deserted and harmless road.


Don't jam-pack your sentence with adjectives. You do a lot of "she did this, it did that", which is telling.

For seconds, this monster suddenly appearing is too random. There doesn't seem to be any specific reason or a slight sign or trace of conflict. She thinks it's safe, she comes, monster comes, she tries to escape, no chance.

No cliffhanger, no conflict really. I'm guessing she's an angel, therefore you're on tough ground writing a unique plot around that. Paranormal and fantasy is usually where the cliches are, so you need to include your own unique twist.

Your story is fast paced. It jumps from piece to piece to piece, making it choppy. Stay on one, smooth path. Let the story unfold itself. Also, I'd suggest posting your stories in pieces so it's not as long and in one intimidating chunk.

-Shina




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Wed Jul 29, 2009 1:02 am
KJ wrote a review...



This is very long. I would suggest cutting it down; you'd probably get more reviews that way. Also, from the brief scan I did, I saw a whole lot of telling. Describe more, make us feel more. Try not to inform us of everything.

Good luck with your writing and editing.

KJ




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Wed Jul 29, 2009 12:45 am
DakotaK wrote a review...



I'm going to review your piece, I promise:) It's just that I don't have tons of time on my hands to sit down and read a lengthy piece like yours all at once. When I finish it I'll be back! My suggestion, next time you post something long, break it up into posts:)
~Later, Dakota





As ideas are always better than their execution, so too must dough taste better than cookies.
— Horisun