Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure

Language Violence

Fists of Fate - Chapter 6 (Fox/Alexandria Arcs)

by FantasyWriter76

It was time for Fox's next match. While practicing spells in the training gym, he saw that Emma Agne lady walking through the halls, repeatedly looking around with an angry look on her face. Fox wanted to see what was up, so he decided to sneak behind her.

Emma kept walking at a steady pace, Fox following right behind. Emma went into the woman's restroom and started talking to someone. Fox, still questioning the situation, cast a spell to amplify the sound of Emma's voice.

"We have a situation," Emma started, "The Contestant, Alexandria, she has another relic. No doubt you've seen it in action on the channel broadcasting the tournament." 

Emma sighed and continued, "Her blade can unleash devastating blasts. She's attempting to kill people who did nothing wrong. She could be a threat to the mission."

Fox heard another voice, but it was a guy! "Agne, I know your sense of justice is strong, but nothing is preventing her from killing others. The rules are as loose as a laceless shoe."

"But, sir!" Emma retaliated.

"No buts. Just finish the mission." After a few seconds, everything was silent, until Emma started walking to the door.

"Oh, crap! Gotta get outta here..." Fox teleports back to the training gym and reflects on what he had learned. Another relic? A mission? Before Fox could ask himself any more questions, it was his turn to go and fight.


said Hank. Fox had been preparing much more heavy duty spells. Fox was a master of the elements and was very excited to test himself this time, but he thought to himself, What could this 'Gemini' person possibly do?

The two fighters reached the center of the arena. In front of Fox was a blonde American. He seemed to only have nunchucks as a primary offensive option, but there was a strange device on his arm.


Hank projected. "A temple, huh? Looks like I could have the upper hand," Gemini said.

"How so?" Fox asked him, as it seemed Fox had the advantage.

"That will be a surprise..."



The Temple started forming around the fighters, and it seemed Gemini was instantly gone! Fox scanned the area and saw him peeking from behind a pillar. He was pointing behind Fox, and Fox turned around, only to be greeted by a solid hit to the face.

"Hold on... you were over there!" Fox exclaimed.

"Was I now? Take another look."

Fox looked back to where Gemini was and saw he was still there. Suddenly, Fox was surrounded by Geminis. "What the?" Fox questioned.

"If you haven't figured it out yet, I can repeatedly make clones of myself. I am very clever, aren't I?" Gemini boasted. 'Good luck, beating me. This fight's already over."

Fox had the perfect spell for this moment. "Meteor Crash!" Fox was engulfed in flames and launched upwards. All the Geminis stared at him as he slammed back down, destroying all of them.

"You're the magic guy! Oh, this just got much more fun!" Gemini shouted. Fox rushed right at Gemini, but Gemini grabbed Fox and flipped him back into the ground, making the whole floor collapse causing the fighters to fall.

"Icicle Glide!" With a wave of Fox's hand, he created an ice slide he could use to get down safely. Gliding down, he saw Gemini riding an obelisk made of his clones. 

"Mess him up, clones!" Gemini ordered. Suddenly, clones appeared behind Fox on the slide. Fox made the slide flatter, allowing him to stand and cast spells. "Come at me!" Fox yelled.

Fox started to look around to see what he could use to easily take the clones out. "Earthen Control!" Two boulders made of the broken floor formed, "And smash!" The boulders crushed the clones and the portion of the slide they were on.

Both competitors had just reached the floor, a dark, dank hidden room soaked in water. Gemini already had tons of clones prepared and ordered them, "Trap him in a clone prison!"

Fox had become trapped in a dome of mimics. "Exploding Charge!" Fox conjured a fireball that exploded, causing all the clones to get blasted into oblivion.

Fox started to plan. How is he spawning those clones?


The televisions in the gyms played the fight. Xandria watched the fight and focused on one person. That Gemini guy looks fierce, huh, Xandria? Dracula Siphon asked, telepathically.

That's not who I'm focusing on. That Spellcaster, Fox, looks strong. Xandria replied.

He could be a roadblock too. You should study that one, chances are he could be on your level. Dracula Siphon said.


Fox thought back to the device on Gemini's arm, That device must be how he does it! How can I get to it though... Fox looked at the ground, covered in water. I'll electrocute the floor! I need an opening.

"Hey, Gemini!" Fox shouted.

"What is it?" Gemini replied.

"Now you see me! Now..." Fox transformed into a shadow, "You don't!"

Gemini was worried. Where could he have gone? Panicking, he surrounded himself in clones.

Out of nowhere, Fox reappeared next to Gemini, electrocuted the floor, and launched himself upwards off Gemini. Gemini got shocked and his cloning device short-circuited, and all clones were destroyed, as well as the device itself. 

The electricity cleared, and Fox landed back down.

"Uh, oh," Gemini said.

"You better believe it," Fox responded.

Conjuring his giant gauntlets, Fox proceeded to pound Gemini's face in. Three good punches to the face and Gemini was down.


Hank announced.

Fox thrust his fist towards the sky in triumph. "Who's next?" He shouted bravely.

Next time, Ricardo fights a hunter named Jax the Champion. Who will win? Found out next chapter...

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
1238 Reviews

Points: 35807
Reviews: 1238

Sat Sep 15, 2018 12:28 am
View Likes
niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there FantasyWriter76! Niteowl here to finally get this chapter out of the Green Room. For the record, I did read the previous chapters, but I'll focus my reviewing efforts on this one.

I like how this one started off with some more character interaction. I feel like the earlier chapters started off with more plot/character information that, while interesting, felt more like it should be in a planning document so that the relevant information can be woven into the actual story. It also shows a little bit more of the plot in between the fight scenes, which is good.

One thing that sticks out to me is that Fox has a lot of powers. In this chapter alone he hears through walls, teleports, and controls multiple elements. Nobody else seems to have this level of ability. Xandria has her magic sword and telepathy, and Ricardo seems to have some sort of defensive magic, but no one is on the same level as Fox. Furthermore, there doesn't seem to be a huge energy cost to all this magic. I know he's your main character and you want him to win, but I think I would be rooting for him more if he didn't seem so all-powerful.

Another thing that is unclear to me is the actual status of magic and/or magical creatures in this world. Way back in Chapter 2, Fox announces that he is a mystical creature and the narrator says that would be surprising to the human participants, even though there is a wide range of magical creatures among the participants. If this is some big secret in the universe, I have trouble believing the big evil corporation running this show would let such an announcement slide. This would be a highly disruptive statement and there would have to be swift consequences to Fox in order for the show to go on. An interesting parallel here on our universe is the controversy over NFL players kneeling for the national anthem, which has certainly been controversial. If a player used their platform to instead say "Oh yes, aliens exist and by the way, I am one, oh and also by the way my species is perfectly engineered to excel at what you humans call football"? That would be huge, and that's essentially what Fox is doing here. Yet very little has happened as a result of that statement. I feel like there's two possible solutions to this: 1) Re-engineer the plot to show how world-altering this would be (like have the evil corporation take Fox away and lock him up) or 2) re-write the rules of the universe so it's known that magical creatures exist so that this wouldn't be a big deal.

Another somewhat minor point that is unclear to me: what is the time span of this story? I was rather surprised in Chapter 5 when Fox mentions that Ricardo's fight was a few days prior, because the chapters are so brief and focused on the fights that it honestly felt like everything was happening on the same day. I think having more in between the fight scenes would make this more clear, as well as helping build up details of the world itself and let us see more of the story line and characters.

Some minor points:
1) The bold and all-caps is more distracting than anything.
2) "Destructable" should be spelled "destructible".

Overall, I find the fight scenes enjoyable, but I feel like there needs to be a little more in between the fights to advance the plot, make the setting feel believable, and show more of the characters. Keep writing! :D

User avatar
47 Reviews

Points: 574
Reviews: 47

Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:05 pm
View Likes
SubSubLibrarian wrote a review...

Yay! Fox won! I mean it was a bit obvious that he would, but that fight was really intense. I think that Gemini was way too sure of himself and that allowed Fox to get the upper hand.

I like the Emma story line. It makes a lot more sense now, why she approached Xandria earlier. I also like that Fox followed her. But it still seems odd to me that she would care so much about Xandria trying to kill anyone because it didn't seem like she was actually trying to kill anyone, it just seemed like she was trying to win. And Emma was doing the exact same thing. Does she think that it's okay for her to kill because it's for a good cause? Because if she really had strong opinions about justice, I feel like this situation would have turned out a lot differently. In addition, all of the competitors signed up, knowing the risks. And I'm sure most of them would have killed to win too.

There are also some little typos, but nothing to really be worried about. It could a little more detail, though. For instance, how Fox teleports. It would be cool if there was a flash of light or something that comes as a side effect of teleportation.

I'm also really curious about Xandria's relationship with her sword. At first I thought it only talked to her when she asked it for something, but now it speaks first. I'm interested to find out how it works, exactly. If the sword is a relic, did it do that with previous holders, or only with Xandria.

I love it! Can't wait for chapter 7.

Thanks for reviewing FoF Ch. 6! May I ask where said typos were so O can fix them?

*I, not O. Currently typing on a phone.

I thought I noticed some when I read it earlier, but I can't find them now. Sorry.

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer.
— Dean Acheson