All Rights Reserved ®
Shelby Crouch
February 2013
I ran down the hallway, away from the man who was chasing me. The twisting hallway wasn't doing wonders for my getting away.
I heard the heavy footsteps of the man behind me, I was faster but he knew the place better.
I came to a two-way, which way should I go?
"Argh!" I muttered, my breath barely more than a whisper. I didn't want to alert my follower as to where I was.
I choose right and ran, only to come face-to-face with a dead end wall. I slapped the wall, as I almost collided with it.
Growling, I turned around, planning on going back and choosing the left turn instead. Too late, the man was already behind me, the gun gleaming darkly in his upraised hand.
"You're a slippery one, aren't you Princess?" His voice was deep and gravelly. The hood he wore covered his face, not letting me see who he was.
My mind was racing, I had to think of a way to escape. And I had to think of one fast. Or my death was imminent.
Finally I knew there was only one way to possibly make it out of this alive. I rushed at him, catching him off guard.
Shocked, he aimed wildly and shot. It went wide, missing me by at least two feet. I heard the bullet plant itself in the wall behind me with a dull thud.
The man growled and when I tried to run past him, he grabbed me and shoved me back. I lost my balance and hit the floor, hard. My head cracked against the floor and dim lights danced behind my eyes.
I shook it off, as best I could, and opened my eyes.
I looked up just in time to see the man bring the gun handle down on my head. Pain reverberated through my skull, making my teeth slam against each other. I was pretty sure that by now I had a concussion.
My vision was blurry as I looked up once more, looking straight down the gun barrel. The image spun and danced, and there looked to be about three of them.
"Enough games, its time to die." He clicked a bullet into the chamber, the sound making a loud noise in the otherwise soundless hallway.
My breath caught in my throat, I was going to die. All everyone had done to get me this far had been for nothing. It was over.
"The Prophecy will live on, and the Hunters will fall." I looked into the man's face, which was also really blurry. A look of anger crossed it (I think anyways), then he placed his finger on the trigger, grinning evilly at me.
"We'll see about that." Then as he pulled the trigger and the bullet came at me, I woke up to someone knocking loudly at my bedroom door.
"Selana, get up!" My mother's angry voice drifted in through the door, and seemed to echo in the small space.
My room was the smallest in the house, not that I minded, I wasn't here that often. I went to a private school a full state away. Ace Academy for Girls. The most lovely place in the world, not.
I sat up, trying to shake off the dream. I had been having that dream for close to a year, so I knew exactly what to expect.
When I first had it, I woke up screaming in terror. Now I wasn't scared of it, more bored with it. The man never let me see his face, which made me think that it might have been someone I knew.
There was another insistent pounding on my door, and more yelling which I blocked out. I threw off my covers and walked over to my dresser.
I opened it and pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt at random. Pulling them on, and throwing my hair into a ponytail, I glanced in the mirror. Piercing green eyes and tanned face looked back at me.
I wasn't the most pretty girl, but I wasn't ugly either. But I was rather clumsy, so I couldn't really play sports or anything like that. I sighed then turned away from the mirror and walked out of my room.
I came into the kitchen where I found Calin and Mia, my step-siblings, arguing with each other.
"For the last time, leave me alone. Before I really lose my temper." There was a threat in Calin's voice, his blue eyes had an angry gleam in them.
Calin was sixteen and has short-cut blond hair and baby blue eyes. He was really shy and kept to himself.
Mia on the other hand, has mid-back length bleach blond hair and brown eyes. She always had to have her way, and would stop at nothing to get it.
"Like you would actually have the guts to hit me. Dad would be on you in an instant." She laughed at him, and he blushed, knowing she was right. She tossed her bleach-blond hair behind her shoulder and flashed a fake smile at him.
I chose this moment to walk out of the darkness of the little room between my room and the kitchen.
Mia looked at me, then back at Calin. An evil grin spread across her face. "Who's your new crush?" Then before he could even answer, she gasped. "Unless you haven't gotten over Selana!"
She put her hand over her mouth in mock horror, then laughed. She walked away, a happy little bounce in her step. When she passed me, she slammed into my shoulder, knocking me into the door-frame. Then she flitted her way upstairs.
"Selana, I don't- I mean I-" His face was full of panic and he was waving his hands around nervously.
I put up my hand. "We've been family for six months now. If you haven't gotten over it, then you better start." He nodded sheepishly, then still blushing, walked out of the room and up the stairs. He was probably going to go yell at Mia. I couldn't say I blamed the poor kid.
I walked down the hallway, planning to find out what my mom had wanted so badly. As I neared the living room, I heard a hushed voice.
"No, her sixteenth birthday is two weeks from now. She has no idea. Piece of cake really." The voice belonged to my step-father, there was a short silence, then his next words chilled me to the bone. "She'll be dead by the end of the week."
I was frozen, standing there. I felt cold all over, rooted to where I stood. It wasn't until the phone snapped shut until I had the sense to run away.
I backed down the hallway, slowly. Then I turned and ran back to my room, locking the door behind me.
I stood with my back against the door, my breathing uneven. He was going to kill me, really going to kill me.
I had never been so scared in my life. I ran to my closet and grabbed a backpack. I rushed around my room, grabbing things. Clothes, my emergency kit that mom insisted I keep in my room. When she had asked me to keep it in my room, I had laughed.
What would I ever need it for? I was never here, and if someone came into the house, they would probably overlook this sorry excuse for a room.
Nevertheless, I had kept it in my room, and now was the time that I needed it.
When I was satisfied with what I had, I hid the bag under my bed. When night came, I was leaving.
I stayed in my room all day, and jumped at any noise that anything made. Finally the noise of everyone in the house faded away, leaving silence in its place.
Carefully, I bent down and picked up the bag from under my bed. I slung it over my shoulder and went over to the window. I gently pushed out the screen, and watched it fall several feet before hitting the grass below me.
I looked back at my room, glancing at the familiar items behind me. The warm familiarities of everything.
Everything from the faded green curtains, to the quilted blanket on the bed. I saw the pictures of my parents when they were in their teens. I walked over to the dresser and grabbed one from the top. Then I heard a noise from the top of the stairs.
I ran to the window and glanced towards my door, I didn't hear anything, but I wasn't going to stick around long enough to find out if someone was coming or not.
I tore my gaze away from the door and looked at the ground below me.
Then I jumped after the screen, barely keeping my balance as I landed. I didn't bother picking up the screen as I left.
I stood against the house as a car passed, my breath catching in my throat. I didn't need to be caught.
When the car had gone by, I looked towards the beckoning darkness of the woods. I knew my way around them well enough, but still the woods at night creeped me out.
Taking a deep breath, and steeling all of my nerves, I made a sprint for the woods. In seconds I was in the cover of the shadow and darkness of the trees.
I risked one glance back at the house and saw a light on inside. I shrunk down and watched, waiting for it to go off.
Five minutes passed, then ten. The light in my room went on, and I heard the gunshot. Bang! It echoed in my ears and made my blood run cold.
Bang, bang, bang! Three more shots. I stifled a cry and resisted the urge to run back to the house. Did he kill them? Was my mother still alive? Hot tears ran silently down my face, I couldn't go back, not even to check.
I saw the curtain open and Vincent's face as he looked out my open window, then he looked down and saw the screen. Anger passed over what I could see of his face. He knew that I had run away, and he probably knew why I had run away.
His head jerked towards the woods, seeming to look right at me. I shrunk even further down and hoped he couldn't see me. Then he backed away from the window.
I turned and ran, not seeing where I was going. The woods that had once seemed so familiar now felt strange and disconnected.
I ran, leaves and branched stinging my arms and face. Tears still flowed from my eyes, and made everything even blurrier.
I heard heavy footsteps behind me, and I ran faster. Soon I tripped over a tree root and was sent sprawling to the ground.
I tried to get up, but my ankle was twisted and I couldn't walk, much less run. I turned and watched as the figure came into view. I closed my eyes, and just waited to die.
"Selana, are you okay?" I opened my eyes and saw someone who looked familiar but I couldn't place right off. He had dark hair, and familiar brown eyes. His voice was gentle.
"I-" I heard noises in the distance and flinched.
He reached out and placed his hand on my upper arm. "You're okay now, come with me."
"But I don't know you." The lie burned my throat, but I wasn't quite sure who he was.
"You don't remember me? Your best friend since we were born?" A smile was playing behind his fake frown, and there was a certain light in his eyes. Suddenly I remembered, the name coming back to me easily.
"Alek? Is that really you?" My voice was full of wonder. I hadn't seen him since I had left for Ace Academy, five years ago.
He smiled then stood up, offering me a hand. I took it, but stumbled when I stood on my hurt ankle. Alek grabbed me to help steady me.
Noises of someone running reached us, and Alek's grip tightened on me. "Up the tree. Me first, I'll pull you up."
He climbed up quickly, the whole time the footsteps grew closer, and my heart beat faster. Then Alek held out his hand to me, and I took it, placing my other hand and good foot into decent holds, I eventually got into the tree next to Alek.
He pushed me flat against the trunk and stood in front of me, pressing the rough surface of the tree into my back.
The footsteps were almost crystal clear now, obviously close. When they slowed Alek backed into me, his back against my chest.
I could hear his slight breathing and feel the heavy thudding of his heart. The footfalls were under us now, and I heard my own breath sounding too loud in my ears.
Vincent's loud voice called out, making me shiver. "Selana, where are you? Hiding is pointless. I'll find you. You don't want to end up like your mother do you?" Anger flashed inside me, and more tears ran down my cheeks. I wanted him to find me, and I wanted to make him pay.
Alek kept me there, pressing me back harder against the tree.
I sucked in a breath and held it there, too scared to breath. Alek backed further into me, pressing the tree bark further into my back.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, he left walking back the way he came. I let out the breath I had been holding, and shut my eyes, relaxing. But the tears still came, I felt anger and sadness take over. I wanted to make him pay, and he would.
Alek pushed himself away from me, making me shiver from the sudden loss of his warmth. He jumped out of the tree, and motioned for me to do the same.
"Are you insane?" He couldn't be serious. I mean jump out of a tree?
"I'll catch you, just jump." His voice was annoyed, and he held out his arms impatiently, waiting for me.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and jumped. I felt the wind rush past me, then I felt strong arms wrap around me and the horrible sensation of falling stopped.
I opened my eyes just as he let go of me. "Why are you here?"
"I came to find you." Then he turned from me and pulled out a cell phone, dialing a number. He put the phone to his ear and waited.
"I found her. No, she's fine. He came after her." Then there was a long pause as he listened to the other person. I waited nervously. I kept picturing Vincent jumping out of the bushes and coming at me with a shotgun.
"I'll take her home, then we'll go from there." He snapped the phone shut, and turned towards me. A grin came onto his face. "How do you feel about flying?" His voice was mischievous.
"I've never been in an airplane before. Heights kind of freak me out." I looked at the ground while I said this, because I was embarrassed.
"You won't be in an airplane, don't worry." Then he shrugged of his jacket, and rolled his shoulders. Suddenly a set of pure white wings appeared behind him. I tried to hold back a gasp and failed. The wing-span was at least fifteen feet wide.
"You can't be serious. Am I being Punk'd?" I looked around, searching for hidden cameras, waiting for someone to jump out at me, saying this is all a joke. No one did.
Alek came over to me, and held out his arms. I closed my eyes and let him pick me up, bridal style. Then he broke into a run, once he picked up speed he launched himself into the air. I heard and felt the beating of his wings, and couldn't believe it.
I squeezed my eyes tightly and refused to open them. After a while the bumpiness got steady and it wasn't so bad.
"Selana, open your eyes." Steeling my nerves, I opened my eyes, and saw the night sky stretched out before me. It was beautiful, it almost made me forget about what had just happened, almost.
Then the beauty was ended because I made the mistake of looking down. I saw the whole of the woods below us, and I clung to Alek tighter, making sure I wouldn't fall.
I heard and felt Alek laugh, and I promised to beat him up. After we landed.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hey, EatSleepRead here.
But seriously, I don't think there are any errors or mistakes, so great job on that part!

I really liked this story. It made me feel really excited. I always love a little romance in stories and I hope this story has it!
As I read through it, I don't think I saw any grammar or punctuation errors. I was too busy being excited for this story.
I REALLY want you to continue to this story! I haven't looked if there are any more chapters from this, but if there isn't, I'm really curious as to why her father wants to kill her, and why Alek was sent to find her and everything. If you continue, elaborate on that please.
Soooo.... great job!
Until then.... Keep reading and writing!
~Renee
Thank you, that means a lot to mean. I plan to post a new chapter soon, so look out for it!
So, for some reason, my computer won't let me post the reveiw, so if you want to read it let me know and I'll message it to you.
Well, that escalated quickly!

Okay, seeing as I'm tired and I've got school in the morning, I'll make this review short. Now, I'm not saying the piece is bad - it's got a great deal of potential - but it needs quite a bit of work. I'm not going to go into spelling and grammar and all that, doubtlessly someone else will, but I will focus on the pacing, which is the real problem with this piece.
It's too quick. Way too quick.
There's no emotion, no build up, and it just doesn't feel genuine. You don't really use any emotive language, so your character's reactions and thoughts don't feel at all realistic. You tell us she's crying, that she's upset, that she wants revenge on her mother's killer, but you don't show us. This is a first-person perspective - use it! I want her rambling, letting out streams of irrational thoughts of hate and anger, denying her mother's death - and I want you to savour it. This piece just rushes by without you exploring any of the chapter's events, and so none of it has any impact on me. It's just a flow chart, or a list, of ordered happenings; one minute she's dreaming, the next she's talking to her step siblings, then she finds out her step dad's trying to kill her, then her family's killed, then some random guy with wings scoops her up and flies away with her. What? She's remarkably calm throughout all this! Wouldn't she be freaking out, terrified, running, clueless, confused, angry? None of this comes through, and it needs to! Empathise with her - imagine how you would feel if you were chucked into a situation like this, because God only knows that I wouldn't be so composed if my family had been killed.
Another thing - the suddenness really reduces the shock value. We don't know your MC well enough to feel sorry for her. Granted, it can sometimes be good to throw the reader straight into the eye of the storm, but when you set it up like you did, I was expecting a nice, normal introductory chapter in which we got to know the main character and her life, just to ease us in before you started killing her family. I think that would work a lot better, because, at the moment, it's far too sudden. Everything's happening all at once, and it just doesn't work. Flesh it out a bit. You could get about three chapters out of what you've written here.
Sorry if I seemed harsh - I just want to help! PM me if you have any questions; I'll be ready to assist.
Keep writing!
~Dark
Oops. That wasn't short. Oh well!
Thanks for that, I know it seems a little fast. I have a small problem with that. But this is just a draft and I do take your comments and other people's into consideration when I'm writing an edit of that very same chapter, trying to work out the kinks. Because trust me, my writing is no where near perfect.