z

Young Writers Society



The Tale of Darkness

by Fael57


"Long ago, there lived a great sorceror called Inarus the Vassar. Through the many long years of his life, he compiled titanic amounts of knowledge in the magical arts. Unfortunately, his very soul was fragmented in pursuit of his last great goal. At the point of his death, many said he had become more powerful than any being before him."

"Many tried to posess this great power by using the scroll he had created, upon which all he had learned was written. For nearly four centuries, the Council of the Bluestones protected the scroll, allowing no one to lay a hand on it."

"However, all were decieved, for as they were occupied elswhere, one of their own slipped in and took the scroll."

"Try as they might, they could not stop the renegade. He fell into darkness and shadow. In the Land of Samara, he constructed a great fortress, to which all evil was drawn. Then, he unleashed a torrent of darkness upon the world. For many months, his unstoppable horde occupied nearly all of Haladania."

"But there were some who resisted. a last alliance of elves, heratics, and erisians marched on the dark land, and on the Plain of Zynor, they fought for the freedom of all. Victory neared, but the power of the scroll could not be undone."

"The great sorcerer swooped in on his huge black dragon. He leapt off his beast, drew his long sword, and took up his staff. He swung left and right, his sword blade seeting with flame and bolts of lighting emitting from his staff. Quickly, he broke deep into the ranks of the advancing armies. None could get close enough to touch him, even with the longest spear, without being incinerated. Arrows dissolved in midair."

"The human hero Pularán moved to strike at the mage. The valiant man was knocked to the ground, decapitated. It was now that Larëan, Pularán's loyal squire, took up the hero's sword."

"The heratic and the sorcerer fought fiercly, each seeming to have no advantage over the other. Finally, the heratic's blade found its mark, piercing the mage's heart. In a violent explosion, followed by an earthquake, the evil sorcerer was finally destroyed, his body reduced to dust."

"The evil forces fled at the death of their master. All that remained was the scroll, which Larëan took to a place of refuge, unknown to anyone else, so that it would never again fall into evil hands."

"However, so evil was the mage's soul that is persisted without his body. History became legend, legend became myth. For three thousand years, the scroll passed out of the knowledge of all but one. Then, when the chance came, the sorcerer's soul ensnared a new body. His time had now come."

"Darkness crept back into the world. Rumor grew of a great evil in the north, whispers of a nameless terror, and the return of the dark mage. The shadows were closing in on the frightened people of Haladania. Who now would have the power to overcome the evil?"


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 1066
Reviews: 26

Donate
Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:59 am
sasquash wrote a review...



I have to agree with the others who replied to this story. Its a major run off of the lord of the rings. Its a good story,but i think thats because its border line to lord of the rings, and lord of the rings is an amazing story. Im sorry to say this, but it was close to a replica with a few minor differences. I do hope that you can come up with something more original than this next time.

I dont generally lecture people like this, and im sorry, but it needed to be said. :)




User avatar
32 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 32

Donate
Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:02 pm
Absynthe says...



hrmmm i'm not quite sure what to say about this. because this is clearly a spinoff from lord of the rings and i am not sure if you were trying to be funny or serious. you need to be clear about whether or not you were being seirious or not!




User avatar
164 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 164

Donate
Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:07 pm
Poltergiest wrote a review...



If you ment this to be a funny spin off of The Lord of the Rings you did a good job, but if not then thats just not cool. You took lines straight out of the original but just switched some names and places. Again, if you were trying to be funny, good job. But otherwise...

-Pol




User avatar
66 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 66

Donate
Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:07 am
sylverdawn wrote a review...



An interesting prologue, it brings up ideas about times that have passed, I'll definitely read the story, although rather then just telling it like a fairy tale maybe you should tell part of it and then show part of it. Like tell the story of the scroll and the battle and then maybe show Larean hiding the scroll away.

Other then that this prologue is really well written it grabs the readers interest and raises questions. Which in my opinion is what a prologue is supposed to do. You should have more of a twist with the bad guy though, in my opinion he seems like a stereotypical villain, have a twist in his personality or something. And you don't really see his motives, just a greed for power and conquest.





Lily you are my fig father
— Elliebanana