The Becoming

by Fadzie

Published July 3, 2020

E - Everyone


The journey wasn’t easy,

The experiments,

The disappointments,

The heartbreaks,

The tears,

The laughter,

The expectations,

The unexpected turns,

The anger,

The moment I almost gave up on life,

All this made me who I am today.


A strong woman,

An independent woman,

Someone I am proud of today.


Given the chance,

There is nothing I would want to change,

Because if I had not gone through all that,

I would not have been the Woman I am today.


The one who stands tall,

The one who rises up after falling,

The one who doesn’t give up,

The one who forgives,

The one who loves again,

And the one who loves herself.

Comments & reviews · 5
blankspaceformythoughts wrote a review Review · Jul 6, 2020

I really like how you wrote this. I feel as though each of us feels this way at some point in our life. However, like your ending, we find ourselves. I think it was simple and yet empowering. I think how you wrote it- from the struggle to having strength really helped people follow it more. It created a story of a strong independent woman. Good job!

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Goldenwizard
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Goldenwizard wrote a review Review · Jul 5, 2020

Hi/ Namaste
That poem really spaces a deep meaning.
The power it has is really admiring and attractive.
If I would say than I think I can see the hard turn you faced in life that made you inspire for such powerfull work.
It would have been a really amazing feeling to get to the result of that turn.
It's really have a good content.

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BhavyaMehta123
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BhavyaMehta123 commented Comment · Jul 4, 2020

Hi! Not a review but what a lovely and well written poem. Loved it!

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starlitmind
Review
starlitmind wrote a review Review · Jul 3, 2020

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here :D If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
This is a really good poem! It's very relatable and true, and it feels empowering to read. I really love your last two lines, especially the last, because it closes up the poem quite nicely. Great job! I really enjoyed reading it. I only have a couple of things I'd like to point out. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to!

The first thing I'd like to mention is your punctuation. You punctuate every line with a comma and the last line of a stanza with a period. To me, it feels repetitive or maybe even boring, so I personally would mix it up. For example, in the first stanza, you could put a semicolon or a dash after the first line since the lines following are expanding on the journey. It would then look like this:

The journey wasn’t easy; (or a dash)

The experiments,

The disappointments,

The heartbreaks,


If you want to change up another spot, you could add a dash at the end of the third stanza like this:

Given the chance,

There is nothing I would want to change,

Because if I had not gone through all that,

I would not have been the Woman I am today -


But this is just a suggestion, so don't feel like you have to change anything you don't agree with!

The next thing I'd like to mention is imagery and repetition. Your poem relies on repetition, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but sometimes it gets a bit dull with the same thing over and over again. You can fix this by adding more imagery. The first stanza is a good place to work on this. For example, instead of saying "The tears" you could say something like "The bitter and salty tears that always threatened to fall" or something like that. Adding imagery and figurative language would really enhance your poem!

The last thing I'd like to mention is the line

I would not have been the Woman I am today.


I'm curious why you capitalized "Woman," especially since you didn't do it anywhere else. Unless you have a specific reason (and if I missed it, pardon me) to only capitalize this one, I would capitalize them all throughout the poem to show consistency (or capitalize none of them).

Overall, this is quite a good poem. You did a really nice job here, and I hope this helped!

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thepages
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thepages wrote a review Review · Jul 3, 2020

Hello, nice reflection of yourself here, i like. For one to know the value of their existance, they must be at good terms with the fact that they do exist; and by this poem you do love yourself, nice.
From the part where you start stating what traits you love about yourself i thnk you should remove "can", for example
"the one who can stand tall,
the one who can rise up after falling,
the one who can forgive..."
with the "can" it sounds like u aint doing it but can do it if u liked.
"i would not have been the woman i am today,
the one who stands tall,
the one who rises up after falling,
the one who doesn't give up,
the one who forgives,
and dares to love again,
the one who loves herself."
what do u thnk of the two, your choice.
Other than that this is an empowering piece, nice work

Fadzie replied · Jul 3, 2020

Thank you. very true i will edit it soon.



I think the more you understand myths, the more you understand the roots of our culture and the more things will resonate.
— Rick Riordan