z

Young Writers Society


16+

Arcana;Chapter 3

by FadingBrighter


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

The mansion itself was apparently divided into halves: the north and south buildings which were joined by a covered bridge. Eleanor was told that the south part of the building was rarely used any longer, but the bridge provided a fantastic view of the grounds.

Of course, that’s where she decided to head first.

Notebook in hand, Eleanor stepped out into the crisp autumn air, blinking at the brilliant sunlight which cast itself in increments down the long pathway. Above, the ceiling to the bridge was arched and scattered with the occasional hanging light fixture. At night, this mansion was probably quite the sight, all lite up and a gleam – like something straight out of a novel.

The view from the bridge was breathtaking in and of itself. It looked out upon a vast, green landscape that stretched into the sky. Grass wavered in the wind, a sea of deep, vivid green that one could nearly get lost in. The sky was bright, a blue that could only be found in the countryside. Puffy clouds that looked softer that bits of cotton dotted the expanse, moving slowly in the breeze.

Closing her eyes, Eleanor took in a long, deep breathe, letting the cool clean air fill her lungs. And when she breathed out, she felt as if all the worries that had built up on the trip here melted away into the sky above – leaving nothing but a sense of anxious anticipation.

Things were just finally starting to go right for her and her family. Today was proof of that. She had been worried, as the political gathering being held at the January estate was one of the largest in the nation, and though Vincent had spent a year in the palace he still was too soft for matters of deep political intrigue.

But with Duke January on his side, Eleanor had nothing to worry about.

And as long as Vincent was happy, that’s all that really mattered to her. She wasn’t the type for politics or dances or intrigue. Eleanor was much better suited for a smaller station in life. And though she was happy she had gotten the chance to visit this ancient and beautiful place, Eleanor couldn’t help but be glad it was just that- a visit.

Opening her eyes again, Eleanor’s gaze settled on the massive garden to the mansion’s south east, and the large lake beyond it. That’s where she would be heading next.

Gathering her things, she quickly darted through the mansion’s many corridors, having to ask directions from the staff only twice before she was back outside and heading towards the building’s east.

Interestingly, the garden bore no specific boundary. No hedges blocked the view of the inside, no fences separated the ocean of flowers from the earth that surrounded them. Instead the flurry of colors burst out unbound- a mixture of vibrant reds, pure whites, deep violets and vivid oranges. And of course green everywhere she looked.

Opening her notebook, Eleanor immediately set to work, inspecting each of the flowers, picking a sample of the buds and the leaves and placing them carefully between the pages. For those she knew, she made a note of their name. For those she didn’t, she looked forward to looking them up later that night in her books. Not that there were many new species to explore. Valana, with its four distinct seasons and bitter cold winters had a very limited selection of flowering plant species. And autumn wasn’t exactly the best time to be collecting specimens.

But Eleanor wasn’t picky. She would take what she could get.

By the time she’s wandered the garden’s entirety, it was already dusk, the horizon died pink and splattered with violet and orange like paint on a canvas.

“I wonder if I should head in.” Eleanor wondered out loud, taking a seat at a gazebo placed across from a fountain which was currently shooting pastel colored water towards the sky- mirroring the colors of the sunset.

Placing her chin in her hand, she gazed out over the scene. The soft gurgling of the fountain, the sound of the breeze as it rustled through the trees, the slow dissension of the sun into nightfall. A nagging feeling of familiarity itched at the back of her mind, begging to be explored. But the long trip to get here was finally catching up on her, and in the silence and the peace of the waking evening Eleanor felt herself begin to nod off.

Only for a couple minutes.

She thought to herself, her heavy lids closing.

I will only sleep for a couple minutes.

Eleanor…” A familiar voice called to her through the darkness. It brought with it a distinct feeling of sorrow, like something precious.

Like something lost.

“Eleanor…”

Groaning, she buried her face into her arm, unwilling to awaken.

“Come on, Eleanor, everyone’s waiting for you.”

She recognized that voice.

Eleanor yawned, rubbing her eyes.

“Duke January?” she asked, weary gaze falling on his worried face.

“It’s Cedric remember? And you really shouldn’t fall asleep outdoors. You’ll catch a cold.” He stated.

“I highly doubt something so mediocre is the only reason someone would catch a cold.” Eleanor responded, stretching her arms over her head. “What time is it?”

The pale pink hues from when she had fallen asleep had darkened into the deep blue of twilight. Eleanor must have been napping for about an hour.

If Vincent found out, he was sure to scold her.

“Just after six. Everyone was looking for you. Your brother guessed that you’d probably fallen asleep out here. He sent me out to fetch you.” Cedric responded. “He was in quite the mood.”

Yes, she was in for it alright.

“I bet he was.” Eleanor chuckled, getting to her feet. “Thank you for waking me. I probably would have slept through the whole night out here if you hadn’t.”

And then I really would have gotten an earful.

“It’s no problem. It’s easy to lose track of time here. I used to come and wander through the garden every afternoon in order to relax.”

“Really?” Eleanor asked, slightly surprised. Cedric didn’t really seemed like the type of person with many problems.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Cedric laughed, sending her a sidelong glance. “And in a way, you are probably right. But as a member of one of the four noble families, I have an image to uphold and a duty to fulfill. Birthrights and Noblesse Oblige and all that.” He chuckled, blue eyes flashing. “Being born into a family like this is destiny, after all.” He said, his voice carrying a distinctly bitter tone.

“Destiny, huh…” Eleanor wondered out loud. “I don’t really believe in things like that. For some people to be born for greatness, some not… that just seems silly to me.” She stood, releasing another yawn and heading back towards the mansion with Cedric falling instep.

“It doesn’t matter who your parents are or where you’re from or what kind of background you have – anyone can make a change as long as they try hard enough. Maybe, if you spent less time thinking about the things you can’t do and more time thinking about the things you can – you wouldn’t have to spend so much time wandering alone like some sort of hermit.” Eleanor responded.

“I’d like to remind you that you were the one sleeping outdoors just a moment ago. And also, I like to accredit my adventurous walks in the garden to my romantic side.” Cedric said with a crooked smile, meeting Eleanor’s gaze.

“A romantic hermit then.” She joked. “Also, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I just got…distracted.”

Cedric raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Do explain.”

“I was collecting samples.” Eleanor held up her notebook. “I was actually doing something other than being a depressing loner contemplating the meaning of life.”

“Samples? As in plant samples?” Cedric asked, clearly avoiding her joking.

“Of course. I’m studying to be an apothecary.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It is.” They were finally nearing the mansion. It was just as lovely as she thought it would be at night – each window a gleaming star against the backdrop of night.

“El!” Vincent called from the doorway to the manor, his voice laced with frustration and worry. Eleanor couldn’t help but brake into a smile, jogging ahead to greet her brother.

“If you were so worried you could have come to get me yourself.” She joked. Vincent glared, his brow furrowed.

“Trust me, if I had been the one to have gotten you, it wouldn’t have been a gentle wake up call.” He responded, pinching Eleanor’s forearm. “You’re not a child anymore! You can’t just go wandering off for hours on end without saying anything!”

“You knew where I was.” Eleanor defended. Vincent held her gaze then sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and knocking his head into hers.

“Yes, but that’s because I know you. But I won’t always be around, El. You have to learn to look out for yourself.” The edge to his voice had faded, and he playfully ruffled her hair. “Just… try to act a little more ladylike in front of the Duke, will you? I’m afraid you’ll ruin my stunning reputation.”

“Don’t blame your sister for that, Vincent. You’re doing a perfectly good job of that on your own.” Cedric joked, walking past the siblings. “Now, who’s ready for dinner?” He asked. Eleanor hadn’t even realized how hungry she was until the mentioning of food. Her stomach grumbled, making her brother laugh.

“I think my baby sister is. She hasn’t eaten all day, poor soul.”

Eleanor pinched Vincent’s side, making him flinch.

“Come on then, I believe your uncle is waiting.” Cedric said with a smile, and the three headed towards the dining room.


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1085 Reviews


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Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:30 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this. Apologies for not having read previous parts.

So, this is a good part, and I'm honestly not entirely sure if there's a lot I can critique. Your dialogue is quite good, and I really like the dynamic between Vincent and Eleanor. It definitely feels like they're siblings.

I also liked her and Cedric's dialogue - I'm assuming they're being set up as love interests.

I agree with the previous review that at the beginning it felt like it was in the morning, not in the afternoon, and that made the timeskip a bit jarring.

I will only sleep for a couple minutes.

“Eleanor…” A familiar voice called to her through the darkness. It brought with it a distinct feeling of sorrow, like something precious.

Like something lost.


This felt odd, because the first sentence was in italics because Eleanor was thinking it, but then the next sentences are more supposed to be like flash-back or dream sequence style, but they're also in italics and there's no transition so it just feel odd. I'd recommend getting rid of the first sentence because it basically repeats the one two lines above, and "her heavy lids closing" is enough of an indication that she's falling asleep.

The main other thing that felt odd to me was Eleanor's little monologue about how "it doesn't matter who your parents are." I don't think the sentiment was wrong, just that the way it was presented seems a little too on-the-nose. It seemed like Cedric was mostly joking when he said the stuff about lineage, so it felt odd for her to react by making a little speech.

Anyway, I hope this review was helpful, and if you have any questions, just ask!




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Thu Feb 18, 2016 1:33 pm
Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello!
This is a nice chapter, and I'm not sure why no one else has reviewed it yet! This is fabulous, really, and I'm sorry that it took you this long to get a review! But, anyway, I'll do my best...:

Okay, so I'm getting the feeling that she's Eleanor is coming out at first in the morning, in the beginning of the chapter. In the matter of a few paragraphs, you go from morning, to dusk. I just feel like time is passing a little quickly in this part. If you still want it to be dark by the time she was done sorting through her flowers, then I would have it start later in the day. Maybe, in the evening or a little before...? It just seems that from the morning, or even around noon-ish (which is the feel I get from the beginning of the story), is too far a stretch to get to dusk in half a chapter.

For the most part, Eleanor seems like a nice character throughout the chapter. Like a dignified, but independent young lady who isn't afraid to speak her mind. I like that. >.< There is one part though, where I thought she kind of "broke character":

“Destiny, huh…” Eleanor wondered out loud.

Just by using the word "huh", to me, Eleanor is breaking her normal 'speech pattern'. I personally consider 'huh' to be a slang-ish word kind of... It just seems like the wrong word to use in Eleanor's case maybe. So now I don't really know where I'm going with it, so I'll leave it at that. Just make sure to keep your characters consistent - especially in dialogue.

Vincent seems like a normal, worrying, slightly annoying (due to the pinching) brother, and he is quite different from his sister, so that's good. It seems as if he is developed quite nicely in this chapter, so good job with that!

My favorite so far has to be Cedric. I like his gentle, yet firm way of talking, if that makes sense. He, as Vincent, was the same throughout the entire chapter, and I don't really have any nitpicks about his personality/own development, so he's a good character, in my opinion!

The description you use is utterly beautiful, and not at all overdone in this chapter. I just wanted to suggest and keep in mind not to over-do on the description so you don't lose readers momentarily in a paragraph of imagery. But for this chapter, it was evenly balanced!

Overall, this is really nice! For the most part, your choice of words was spot-on! Great job and keep writing!

~Snazz Pizzazz





Revision is one of the exquisite pleasures of writing.
— Bernard Malamud