Published October 24, 2007
Don't believe the things you see.
Pretend they're just fleeting looks,
Because that's all they are.
"Cover thy eyes, tell me, what is it that you seek?"
"Just what it takes to make them weak."
Leave no mark, just that spark,
That heat, that fire, that desire.
Mushroom cloud, day in and day out, the devil's cloud.
It's veil smothers us.
We deserve this,
And so much more.
Devils the world makes of us all.
Hear the silence, hear the screams,
Let the world show you what we mean.
Two left feet, minister's son.
You've already tripped, all you need is to fall.
Permit me to grab your hands,
To hold you when you no longer stand.
A sip of poison, the feeling of temptation.
Close your eyes, shut out the shaky society.
Think past all the lies, and long for liberty.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I like this, and it obviously means something. There are some qualms however;
I like this. Nice.
In the third line you repeat cloud. While repetition is okay sometimes, this one gets to me for some reason, I think it's too close as a strong word.
It may just be how I pronounce these words but this couplet doesnt really rhyme.
I like the poem and the concept and I think you do it well. However you dont seem to have a standard rhyming scheme which puts me off a little. Other then that I think its great.
Nice work.
*Hearts* Le Penguin.