Published March 28, 2007
The reaper has already tried to steal my soul,
Once during my birth, I was a miracle baby.
Then it tried again and almost succeeded
When I was four, I fell off a dock into the ocean.
My green frog rubber boots weighed me down.
I still have a vivid memory of what I experienced.
It felt like I was slowly drifting down,
Down into the darkness.
And it was as if the whole world became muted.
Like as if the sound had been switched off.
It also felt like I was numb.
The cold water, the pressure, I couldn't feel.
At all.
The only thing that worked was my vision.
Bright light of the sun slowly began to fade
As I felt like I was suffocating.
Felt like I was being engulfed by a blanket of darkness.
Then I felt sort of a violent, rushing feeling.
Upwards.
Then my ability of hearing kicked back into gear.
Murmured, blurred, faint voices.
Then the color kicked in again.
Fuzzy and overexposed color. One large face, two small ones.
A vibrant blue above them. The sky.
A violent red. The dock's paint job.
The rushing feeling?
My dad bringing me up to the surface.
One would think I'm terrified of the sea.
Strangely, enough I love it. I do not fear the end of my life.
Not after I've been so close to the kiss of death twice.
---
Fabien Belcourt - 12/2006
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141,302 Literary Works • 674,338 Reviews
I really enjoyed this piece it definatly captures the imagination and i felt like i was holding my breath during your descriptions of underwater and it was very sweet how you didnt glorify your father being your saviour and didnt even mention it was him until the end.
Really nice image of seeing it as death trying to get you twice and also important expressing your feelings of love for the ocean it is very relevant to you making your peace with death in also making peace with the sea.
Very good cant wait for more
Riedawriter23:--> Thank you for the praise. As I go back and re read my piece, those two lines you mentioned do seem to hiccup and I need to change them. I'm taking your advice on the first line, but don't quite know what to make of the second yet.
Nyconz421:--> Yes this poem is completely true, which is odd in the sense that I don't usually write pieces true to my life. Thanks for the compliment.
Chevy:--> Wow, you actually completely got the feeling I was trying to portray. I wouldn't have managed to do that to a reader if this hadn't happened to me, 'cause it did, and as I mentioned I remember it vividly and wanted to try and bring the readers in and transport them into that 'lower state of existence.' You couldn't of worded that better. Thanks.
As I was reading this, I acquired the feeling of being brought down to a lower and lower state of existence. I loved how you brought it to a full surface halfway through. Great balance, and I look forward to reading more from you.
Very nice. Is this poem true? I agree with what Riedawriter said. That spot made me double check what I was reading but the poem its self is well written, emotional, and the way you described everythigng was good. Good job again!
Like as if the sound had been switched off.
It also felt like I was numb.
*This would sound better as:
As if the sound had been switched off.
I felt so numb.
*Otherwise this was great, I really like the ending, it makes so much sense and yet makes you think.
Great story, and awesome way of showing it in poetry form! *showers praises*
Keep it up!
~Rieda