I open the window.
The rain pours down
onto my face
as I lean out.
The smell of the rain
permeates my room.
A little space
in the Fate's tall loom.
I watch the rain
when it starts to speed.
Pushing Storm quenches
the Earth's acute need.
I stand in my room
to watch the glow
of the mid-day sun
as the rain turns to snow.
The room-weather changes
hailstones now
as torrential sun
beat's my life-boat's prow.
My room in the tower
begins to sway.
As fisher men leave,
the night turns today.
The beggar's blind eyes
The Duchess's blind soul.
Beg to be rescued
as the Waves of Time role.
And we, in my tower,
See every thing
No one can help them
save the birds on the wing
The goslings and I
stand on Window's ledge.
Take a deep breathe
step out of our cage.
We soar through the night.
In the eye of the storm,
only the worthy
will ever be born.
I am really suprised. I am not usually a rhymer or a rhymer reader. But I enjoyed this one, because I had meaning yet the rhyming worked, rather than making it not make sense by adding any rhyme in.
Although I do agree with nadia
more imagary is needed
but overall good job well done.
Okay, kind of my first review so sorry if its bad, just some things I noticed.
I do like this poem but I feel its just the frame work, you can develop so much more imagery with it. I don't know if the stanza not rhyming is intentional or not but I feel it just makes the poem sound inconsistent. Also the lines are almost too simplistic, I feel like your telling the reader how to feel instead of showing them. I don't actually have any problems with the rest of the poem, it's just this stanza that I think needs editing. You can do some much more with this.
there goes my first attempt at a review :S
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