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Curious Female

by F0xTr0t

Does anyone know that curious female?

Her hair always down, never up in a ponytail.

What thoughts is she hiding up in her head?

The looks she is giving isn't hinting the go ahead.

She looks strong and fierce but yet oh so savage.

Getting to know her would be quite the challenge.

Has anyone completed that challenge i wonder?

Very doubtful with that charm she'll put you under.

She knows what she does and she'll push you away.

She'll let no one get close, not a chance, no way. 

She likes being alone, an independent soul. 

Just forget it, you can't do it... there is no loophole 

There she goes, back to her mysterious distant land.

Turns out that curious female was one no one could understand.

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109 Reviews

Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:22 am
silvermoon17 wrote a review...

I just hope you are a woman otherwise i might drown in my utter shock of all the sexism in this poem-
okay, i take back what i said- this poem is not sexist. I just read the title and thought you were going to rant on on how ignorant and childish women are- sorry.
I like the way you WRITE girls down as if they were terribly cunning and unknown creatures- I appreciate the way you made it sound, but a good description; one or two little lines of imagery- maybe even comparison- and this would be downright awesome. I still think this poem lack any comparison of females with.. umm.. you might find something..
that part where you say (getting to know her would be quite the challenge/ Has anyone completed that challenge i wonder?) first, remove the (the) from the first line, and put a (a) instead. ((getting to know to her would be quite A challenge)) and maybe also remove the second (challenge) word in your second line. repetition is meant to insist on a peculiar point/word. but in this case, your repetition is kinda useless. I'd suggest a synonym, but hey; it still is your poem

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5 Reviews

Points: 381
Reviews: 5

Sat Jun 01, 2019 5:01 pm
WildLEYJustice wrote a review...

YOU GO QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dang, this was really relatable for me at least. I’d consider myself a curious female. Lol.
Anyways, I really loved what you did here. This poem was really cool. Welcome to YWS btw (I’m new too) But thats besides the point. I get sidetracked very easily.

but what I’m trying to say is that I really like how this piece was so creative. You made this with nice rhyming and the flow was okay. I dont know, just what like demoncat said, this was like a story told through poetry. So touching! Good job with this. I hope you do more. I’d love to see more from you.

Btw, make sure to capitalize the “i” in the 7th line. That’s all.
Anyway, peace!!!!!

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37 Reviews

Points: 300
Reviews: 37

Sat Jun 01, 2019 2:37 am
demoncat wrote a review...

Hello this is demoncat revewing.

And This is really empowering. It's like a motivational speech but also a story. It's so fun and cool I love it. Tho im kinda sad no one understands this curious​ female... Aren't there any curious male/ females. To thaw her frozen heart. Because only true love can thaw a frozen heart. She probably likes warm hugs. ... Srry for the frozen moment. But seriously I love this it's so cute. And it fills me up with confidence... And loneliness.... But in a good way.

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8 Reviews

Points: 520
Reviews: 8

Wed May 29, 2019 9:23 am
MissDevonshire wrote a review...

I think this poem is really cool. I like how you include daily things such as the hair nevever being in a ponytail. In my opinion this makes it much easier to picture this girl/woman and it also makes her feel more genuin and interesting. As a matter of fact I would love to read a part two of this and that shows that you have really succeded with hooking me as a trader with your words Well done! I must say that I quiet like her and I can also relate to her in some ways. I hope that don’t sound weird hahah.

For me however the rhymes are a bit unclear. Sometimes it’s very obvious for example with land and understand. But at other times with for example challenge and savage I don’t really see the rhyme. I however have to say that I am no expert on rhyme schemes so I might be all

Keep writing!
(And seriously consider to write a part two, I’d love to read:).

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858 Reviews

Points: 29821
Reviews: 858

Wed May 29, 2019 6:59 am
Morrigan wrote a review...

Hello there, F0xTr0t! Welcome to YWS!

I'm here to talk to you about the importance of meter. You've got a rhyme scheme going here, but rhyme scheme is nothing without meter. Meter is the rhythm of the words you're using, and it's important to have a pleasing one if you're going to use rhyme.

While your meter is a bit clunky throughout the poem, let's focus on two lines so I can show you what I mean. These lines almost exhibit a pleasing meter, so I'll show you how to change them for the better!

She looks strong and fierce but yet oh so savage.

Getting to know her would be quite the challenge.

Meter is based on stressed and unstressed syllables. For instance, "savage" is made of a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable. "SAV-age." It sounds weird if you say it the other way! "sav-AGE" just sounds strange! Meter is the way we put all the syllables together. There are set forms of meter, and free meter, but all meter can either detract or aid the poem it's in. In these two lines, you have a lot going on. If we analyze it, we see:
she looks STRONG and FIERCE but yet OH so SAVage.

GETting to KNOW her would BE quite the CHALLenge.

There are many different forms of meter, but the most popular and pleasing to the ear meters usually rely on an alternating system. You have a lot of unstressed syllables here that can easily be taken out to improve the meter. If we edit a little, we have:
she's STRONG and FIERCE but OH so SAVage.
KNOWing HER would BE a CHALLenge.
This really makes the meter more pleasing to the ear, and makes the language less clunky, to boot. Try editing your whole poem like this, and see where it takes you!

The only other comment I have about this poem is that "female" seems to cold and clinical here. Like she's an animal or something. I didn't like the distance between the narrator and this girl. It felt unnatural, almost like the narrator doesn't see her like a human being. Try exuding more warmth in your poem if this is about a crush situation.

I hope that this review proves useful to you! If you have any further questions about meter and rhyme, let me know! Keep writing, keep posting, and don't forget to keep YWSing!

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49 Reviews

Points: 155
Reviews: 49

Wed May 29, 2019 6:24 am
Pernicus wrote a review...

Hi, review time.
First to start with what I like. Conceptually, the poem has a lot of strengths. The theme is interesting, and the third person focus on the character creates a cool perspective with observation, this perspective lets you be very objective and it can lend a cool detached atmosphere to the narrative.

Now for the critiques, I appreciate the solid attempts at rhyme, and I feel like there’s a lot of potential here. However, I read in the description that this is one of your early attempts at poetry, and from my own experience one thing I used to do a lot was fall into the pitfall of always trying to rhyme. Don’t mistake me here, rhyme can be a very useful tool, and it can be used to great effect, however it’s only one of many tools and a lot of people over utilise it at the expense of the rest of the poem. For example, at many points in this poem I feel you may sacrifice a good choice of word for a rhyme, or sacrifice your rhythm and meter. Like the other review mentions, it would be useful to keep an eye on your syllable count so that your poem reads with a consistent beat. In terms of technical advice, don’t be afraid of getting rid of some punctuation and getting more experimental. One particular thing I would advise would be getting rid of the ellipsis you use on line 12. You can easily substitute “...” for a line break which would make for a more interesting read.

If I had any advice, it would be to keep writing and not being afraid to get more experimental, try writing a poem with minimal rhyme or no rhyme at all, try varying up your structure and writing from different perspectives. This is a lot better than anything I was writing when I was first starting, and I’m excited to see more from you. Is the poem at all autobiographical? I find that often when I’m writing about myself I find it useful to defer it to a third person perspective, to give it some breathing room. Giving you a follow so I can keep on track with new stuff you write, good luck!

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Points: 9
Reviews: 67

Wed May 29, 2019 5:02 am
brookeallo wrote a review...

I really like this poem. The "curious female," reminds me a lot of myself and it really connects to me in a special way. The lines flow greatly into each other and I love the effect and meaning behind the poem. Thankyou so much for writing this beautiful work and I hope to see more poetry written from you soon:).

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188 Reviews

Points: 6116
Reviews: 188

Mon May 27, 2019 6:34 pm
LadyBug wrote a review...

Hello! Professor Jade here with a quick review. Let's just get to it. I'll be going through and just stopping whenever I see something worth pointing out. OK? Let's go.

What thoughts is she hiding up in her head?

The looks she is giving isn't hinting the go ahead.

Is this a rhyming poem? I suggest maybe changing the word ahead or head. They just clash and throws it off.

Has anyone completed that challenge i wonder?

Very doubtful with that charm she'll put you under.

OK, so I would suggest going through and fixing all spelling mistakes. It's like shining up a gem. It's good before but after editing it's all shiny and beautiful. I won't nit-pick, though.

She likes being alone, an independent soul.

Just forget it, you can't do it... there is no loophole

This line is really good at explaining to us who she is. I like it so, good job!

I adore this poem! It's sharp, witty, and true. Go through and count syllables (I'm not sure if you meant it, but your flow is very wacky). And maybe add stanzas. I do like this and I hope I helped! Keep writing. If you ever post another poem, tag me!

-Professor Jade

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien