A Shadowed Print, and perhaps a false one.
I have found the light once more shining in on me I can feel its warmth now and then, and I find myself wondering where... where is it coming from after all this time but alas it is stricken down by the tightening grip of dought and fear.
Then returned to the shadow that I have known for long enough that I feels more at home in it's cold grip than any light could ever make me feel, I feel little now a haze covering my mind and even though this dark is my home I feel that I miss that light like a peace of myself that I once knew and loved dearly.
What made it go away? I wonder sluggishly trying to understand but refusing to search for it, is this my fate to run from it all and simply think, here in this hopeless abyss that I have found myself in, to fear what it is because I know that the longer i stay here the less I will realize that i am here at all but to realize that the pointlessness of it all is enough to bury me in sadness.
What would it mean if I where somehow able to re-define the vision that I have imposed on myself, would it really mean anything at all would I walk whatever path and simply end like the rest on some unfinished journey that I never really loved, or I could stay here in the shadows and think and think until the days counted out and I let go of it all.
Of course there is hope, but when did hope ever do me any good? It let my face fall into a smile and then reality struck and shattered it all leaving me feeling less than before if that were even possible, but maybe, behind the shadow of a dought that stands in a cold windy plain of dieing grass touched only by remorse.
Even though it seems imposible to me now I could smile again I could stand in that field but not alone and not in this cold shadowed image, It would be with my loved ones in the wind blowing through the grass making it all wave like it once did, but what a fool i must be to think that this idea could be real. So i will hold it to my throbbing chest as it causes me to feel again.
Perhaps in years not yet passed I will find myself in a place as bright, but still with the shadows here and there, because what is all this light and love without the memory of pain to spike its flavors.
I realize this may come off as selfish but what more can I be, it may also be a bit more than a little negative but: se la vi.