z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A stain, in all it's splendor.

by Eyluor


 A Shadowed Print, and perhaps a false one.

I have found the light once more shining in on me I can feel its warmth now and then, and I find myself wondering where... where is it coming from after all this time but alas it is stricken down by the tightening grip of dought and fear.

 Then returned to the shadow that I have known for long enough that I feels more at home in it's cold grip than any light could ever make me feel, I feel little now a haze covering my mind and even though this dark is my home I feel that I miss that light like a peace of myself that I once knew and loved dearly. 

 What made it go away? I wonder sluggishly trying to understand but refusing to search for it, is this my fate to run from it all and simply think, here in this hopeless abyss that I have found myself in, to fear what it is because I know that the longer i stay here the less I will realize that i am here at all but to realize that the pointlessness of it all is enough to bury me in sadness.

 What would it mean if I where somehow able to re-define the vision that I have imposed on myself, would it really mean anything at all would I walk whatever path and simply end like the rest on some unfinished journey that I never really loved, or I could stay here in the shadows and think and think until the days counted out and I let go of it all.

 Of course there is hope, but when did hope ever do me any good? It let my face fall into a smile and then reality struck and shattered it all leaving me feeling less than before if that were even possible, but maybe, behind the shadow of a dought that stands in a cold windy plain of dieing grass touched only by remorse.

 Even though it seems imposible to me now I could smile again I could stand in that field but not alone and not in this cold shadowed image, It would be with my loved ones in the wind blowing through the grass making it all wave like it once did, but what a fool i must be to think that this idea could be real. So i will hold it to my throbbing chest as it causes me to feel again. 

 Perhaps in years not yet passed I will find myself in a place as bright, but still with the shadows here and there, because what is all this light and love without the memory of pain to spike its flavors. 

I realize this may come off as selfish but what more can I be, it may also be a bit more than a little negative but: se la vi. 

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33 Reviews

Points: 5566
Reviews: 33

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Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:59 am
Oxara wrote a review...



Hey there, Ox here for a review

Critiques-

One so there were grammar and spelling mistakes but we all make them (especially me in fact I just misspelt especially) I just wanted to point it out one that you mis said two times so I which is the word "doubt" but you spelled it as "dought." I try to steer away form grammar and spelling especially if the word is only misspent once but if it's twice or more it can show that it was just fast tpying or that but the writer doesn't know so I thought it worth pointing out. But again it's not a major deal.

This felt clunky to read, like I understood it but it took multiple read over to fully understand it. It almost feels like it's trying to be poetic just to be poetic or have that style of poetry. And this is a mistake because their is a reason why poetry has the style and a style and just writing like that to have it be like that can make it come off hard to read. I know this isn't exactly poetry but you can go look up templates of poetry and it will often come off "poetic" yet have a fine flow "maybe not the best flow but an fine flow." This I impore to really anyone to understand poetry as you really get to understand the flow and the style of poetry when you do this. If you want more information I would suggest asking alliyah, she's really good with this stuff.
*also my favorite format for this point is this*
Line A
Line B
Line A
Line B

Line B
Line C
Line B
Line C

Ect until the last line is

Line A
Line (B form your last stanza so if you ened on the second stanza this would be C)
Any line
Line A

There's variations like sometimes it's just

Line A
Line B
Line *open ended*
Line *open ended*

Line B
Line C
line *open ended*
ECT ECT but just to give you an idea

Praises-
I love this topic it is really relatable and really creative. I feel like grappling with the dark side of your self is something that is really under talked about and we should so I loved reading this. My father once told me "We are all evil so what?" and the fact that this reminded me of that and that me think of that is really well done.

Really well done can't wait to see what more you have to write!

Ox




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494 Reviews

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Reviews: 494

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Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:09 pm
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Holysocks wrote a review...



Hey there! I thought I'd stop by to give this a review.

I think the cool thing about this is it's something people can relate to. The sort of fear of being consumed by our own dark side? Maybe I understood this wrong, but I got the impression that this was implying an inner struggle with ones self. And I love that because I feel like that's a very common struggle- trying to figure out your own mind, and trying not to let it get the better of you, in a sense.

One thing I did notice throughout was there were quite a few grammar/spelling mistakes. Hey, we all make 'em! In fact, I'm the QUEEN of making grammar/spelling mistakes! :P Anyway, so I thought I'd just mention some tricks to fix a lot of them. The biggest piece of advice I can give for this, is you read your work! And even read it out loud, because that can really help as well. You'll find you'll catch a lot of things that you wouldn't think would be there! One word in particular I wanted to point out, because it's spelt wrong a couple times (unless there's a different spelling that I'm not aware of- sometimes that's a thing). But anyway, the word is 'doubt'. It kept being spelt as 'dought'- but it's actually doubt. c:

The other thing I wanted to mention was that I did have quite some trouble understanding what this piece was talking about. I feel like it was a bit too... poetic? It just kinda felt a tad on the rambly side, and it made it quite difficult to follow and understand what exactly it was about. Part of this was because there were a lot of really long sentences! Short sentences are important because it gives the reader a bit of a break- and they're more to the point. Long sentences are great once in awhile, but when they're the main sort of structure of the piece, it can get really tiring to read. And you don't want your readers getting tired/bored, right? So yeah, my advice is to try and break up the sentences a bit more. Also perhaps ask yourself what am I trying to convey with this piece, and really try to drill it home.

Another thing is I found it a little odd at the end, how it rhymed. Now I wouldn't normally mention something like this, because rhyming can obviously just happen in a piece, but it just felt like it was a set-up rhyme. And because there really wasn't any other rhyme throughout the piece, it just felt kind of odd? It was also kind of neat, I guess, but I feel like it did kinda fall flat because it was the only rhyme in the entire thing.

Anyway, this was an interesting read! And I forgot to mention that I thought the title was really cool, too! Keep it up!

-Holysocks




Eyluor says...


You understood it perfectly, It was about the inner struggle mainly how i have observed it in myself thus I said at the end that it was selfish.

And yes I agree, reading through it again a few times it is all strung out with no breaks or pauses. A sort of one breath sentence all in all, my hope is to get better with it, I never was good with sentence breakups, a work in progress.

:'') I genuinely tied myself into a knot about that word it kept coming up with a squiggly red line under it and refused to right itself all the different ways i tried it. Thank you for telling me :)

I was very unsure as to how i wanted to write it, but i kept remembering this time i wrote a poetic peace and showing it to my mom and she loved it so much then I read it years later and I felt so much shame that I decided to never fool myself into thinking anything i wrote was a poem.

And yes the rhyming did happen accidentally, but now that i look back at it i feel like i was trying to end it on more of a curl and sorta succeeded but like you said when most of the rest of it was empty of it, it kinda turned into just a unsettling bump at the end.

Also if there were a way to rate this review i'd give it a 11/10, really a very good review, I appreciate it.



Holysocks says...


I'm glad you found it helpful! C: I hope to see more works by you in the future! :D




The brain is wider than the sky.
— Emily Dickenson