Chapter Two
Daniel was sitting down on the grassy banks, huddled up with his group. Their short sleeve t-shirts swaying in the gentle summer breeze, picking at the green blades and getting light headed with the cheap beers Josh had brought. He scratched his short brown hair, before killing the other boys with news they already new.
“So did you hear about what happened last night?” Beamed Daniel.
“No we didn’t, so please tell us.” Lied Josh, he was fifteen and was the eldest in the group. He, like everyone else in the village had heard about the death of Brian Corter. He and Lewis often made a fool out of Daniel.
“Well, it’s a long story so I’ll just cut to the chase.”
“Yeh but we know that all your stories take decades before your gob slams shut. So this time will you actually cut to the chase and not blab on about something completely off the subject.” Laughed Lewis, who was the lanky teen, sprawled out next to Josh.
Daniel ignored this comment and began telling them the story.
“Well you know that old blind geezer that lives just down the road from me-east side of the village.” He explained, waiting for the groups’ response.
“Yehhh” they mumbled together.
“Well me, my bro and his mates were wandering in the forests, you know just messing about and stuff.
“You mean looking for trouble and having a smoke behind you ma’s back.” Corrected Josh, smirking as he said it.
“Who asked you four eyes?” Sneered Dan.
“Hey, I thought my new funky shades looked cool.”
“Well just…”
“Yeh, Yeh, get on with the damn story and stop bitching about.” Said Lewis, sitting in-between the squabbling teens as he said this.
“Fine…” sighed Daniel. “ So now where was I, ah yes I remember now. So we’re in the forest right, and me bro says’ why don’t we go to that blind man’s house, there’s always something to do there.’ So off we went, me following reluctantly of course, cuz you know ow much of a dick my bro can be. W…” Dan was suddenly cut off.
“CUT TO THE CHASE” shouted Lewis.
“When we get there, my bros best mate Paul spots some streaks of blood leading into the back of the forest, so we couldn’t just ignore this and we kind of followed the tracks. Ten minutes in we could smell a stench capable of killing someone. God it was the rankest thing ever, nearly made me puke but that’s not the half of it. You could clearly see his bloody legs hanging out of the bushes so we got a log and hauled him out, but soon we wished we hadn’t. The dude’s eyes were literally gauged out and his intestines and over crap was everywhere, god it was a bloody mess. We rang the police, but we knew they would make a big cover up-they’re just as bad as the flipping government. So how’s that for a story then.” Finished Daniel.
“Well, it would’ve been good if we didn’t already know it, but hey life sucks.” Laughed Josh.
“What you git, y…you knew and you just let me blab on, b…but how and why, what was the point, what did you get out of it.”
A. The whole town knows it; you know how news travels round ere. B. we let you tell cuz it was quite funny, watching you waste your breath. Just for kicks you know.” Explained Lewis.
“I should av known you would pull a stunt like that. So anyway changing the topic what do we now?” asked Daniel.
Lewis and Josh both exchanged smiles.
“Come with us.”
*
The trio wandered on endless through dense woodland, before stopping at the banks of a rapidly flowing river. It ran all the way to the village so it was the only way across. Large slabs of concrete were there to act as a bridge but with river flowing this fast it was too risky.
“Well that’s great so I guess well just have to turn back now.” Sighed Daniel, turning around and walking back toward the hills.
“Hold ya horses where do you think your going then.” Asked Josh.
“Its suicide crossing that, well get swept away.”
“Look up moron” said Lewis pointing to a branch just above of Dan.
Dan followed his finger and found himself staring up at a coil of thick rope wrapped around the tree branch.
“Oh, but even still it is way too risky.”
“Chicken, chicken.” shouted Josh and Lewis, making chicken noises as they said it.
“Fine I’ll do it, but you can explain to my mum why my corpse is at the bottom of this death trap.” Sneered Daniel, making he way up the tree to unravel the rope. After five minutes of swearing and struggling Daniel had finally managed to retrieve the rope and was getting into swinging position.
“See that wasn’t so hard was it icle wickle Danny.” Mocked Lewis.
“Don’t worry you wont have to do it again to get back.” Said josh.
“Well what am I supposed to be looking at then?” Asked Daniel.
Both boys pointed, and Daniel let out a scream of shock.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Way too dialogue heavy this time. We know nothing about what your characters are like, but we know their attitudes. Might want to add the kind of descriptions done in the first chapter to your characters. Daniel and Josh are just abstract people with attitudes right now.
Chapter Two
don't forget your quotation marks.

(") A. The whole town knows it; you know how news travels round ere. B. we let you tell cuz it was quite funny, watching you waste your breath. Just for kicks you know.” Explained Lewis.
Good job with the suspense. Make the reader hate you
Good job with the suspense. Make the reader hate you