Published March 15, 2010
Down by a river with a medieval name
Like Past Regrets or Doom,
I stare at the reflection of
My same hollow eyes and queasy smile
And mud-brown angry brokenness.
“You’re ugly,” I whisper-shout, scowl,
“I hate you.”
I close my eyes, skip a stone,
Inhale. Keep inhaling.
Exhale loud and long and.
Pause.
And everything melts together
In a summery liquid ice cream sandwich
Until pink brain-mush tells pink latex lungs
Breathe now or die.
Open eyes and watch zebra dots
Make ballerina twirls above my head,
And I hurt and I’m dizzy and stop.
Replay the knife’s smile-slide
Into my skin, let bugs crawl beneath it.
Blood. Smell, taste, wet red sound.
Reality pays a two-minute visit
To tell me to look down, down,
At faded pink scar-kisses.
And I’m afraid they’ll disappear
And take away my one reminder;
I’ll have to carve them in again,
I’ll have to.
Look back at medieval-named river,
Inhale, exhale, pausemeltbreathe,
Stand up on shaky jelly legs.
Disassociate, disengage,
Rob myself of negative, bad,
Ugly (completely necessary) self-talk.
Psycho-analyze,
And how do you feel about that?
But I can’t let myself feel anything
Or else smile-slide scar-kisses
Will come back to tell me hideous things
And draw more monsters in my skin.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,436 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Loved it!
Peanut, I loved Wintergirls. ^^
I'm gonna compare you to an author, Splodey. This reminded me of things I read in Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. The use of things like smile-slides, really stood out for me and made me think about that book. They are brilliant ways to describe things and you did a fantasic job with description in this poem. <3 Splodey
~peanut~
your poem was very good, its like this is what the person is thinking and how he's feeling. I like how you symbolized it by saying scar kisses I don't think there would have been a more appropriate word to say. your poem was so good that the elephant dances for it see
even the elephant likes it. Your poem reaches out to people. Good job
Hey Pen.
Hmm.. I do like this. It's something very contemporary and this probably would have been an anthem for me a couple of years ago. I think it's great that you're writing about something which seems so personal. I find it difficult to write honestly about something so personal. Poems written on such a level very often comes out as mind-numbing, overdramatic rants with obviously a lot of emotion, but written so that it is indigestible.
Your poem carries those emotions but along with it you incorporate some very strong imagery.
I feel bad for nitpicking but 'queasy', I felt was not a good word choice. 'Uneasy' perhaps would have fitted better.
It was a good read, definitely.
Smile,
Knightly
I felt so related to that its wicked, Pen. Seriously. You got me emotional there, for as long as the poem went. Therefore, very good job. I loved this, definitely one of my favorites. The fact that it sounds like an inner reflection and it's so realistic really helps the connection. I have only one very small comment:
I feel like this additional information is very nice, though it distracts me from the sense of the poem, like it was just that: and unnecessary information. It kind of sets the reader off. But other than, excellent poem. Very nicely done.
Keep up the good work,
- Kat
This...was probably....thee most..... Beautiful thing I have ever read. I have no nitpicks, no..... Questions, nothing.
It's perfect. I would pay BIG money for this.
Oh m gosh Im speechless!!! You got me, speechless!! I ALWAYS have something to say. but now I'm lost for words.