Published June 14, 2011
I can’t stop running
but I don’t quite know
what I want to leave behind
or what I’d like to find.
And I can’t seem to figure out
just where you fit into that.
You’re in the way my chest
swells up like a balloon –
far too close to popping open
like my calves overstretching,
near to breaking my latex skin.
You’re in the rush of blood
that makes my skin burn hot
and in my lightheaded stumbles.
I can’t find a place for you
when you’re in every move,
every twitch, leap, fall.
So I’ll just keep running
until this starts to make sense
or else until I’ve burned away
all but my muscles and bones.
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140,212 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey, Splodey! Not much to say. That was incredibly to the point. I loved it. Gold star.
Ok.
For starters nice poem.
One thing that bugged me is the many referances of how your emotions have to do with your phyisical body (ex. Skin like latex...which by the way, this particular referance makes little sence).
After a few, these referances became distastfull.
Consider revision?
~Hopeispeace
Unlike some other poems i have read recently, this poem had caught my eye.
Good grammer, good plot and i could easily tell what you are talking about. The text was clear and specific which i love to read in poems.
If i had to name some improvements its would include more descriptions of how you felt or whom ever is the person talking, and get more deep into that.
Other than that I really enjoyed.
From WritingAway.
Hey, I'm Sakura and I'll be your reviewer today. Lets get started, shall we?
I can't say I like the way you spaced your lines, it feels kind of choppy, just because of the way the human mind interprets lines. I don't think I get the full effect, don't get me wrong your poem is beautiful, it's just I feel like I have to fight my way through it to completely understand what you're saying.
This line is not phrased well, it makes very little sense.
Latex doesn't seem like the word to use here, when you say latex skin, I have the impression it's very stretchy and see through, like latex.
All in all, you do a really good job portraying your emotions, and it's a great, beautiful poem. Just work on the way you space your lines and maybe replace a few words in the parts I showed you and I wouldn't be able to find anything wrong with it. If you have any questions, PM me.
your poem was good and not like anything else i've ever read. which says something din't ya think? keep writing and don't stop!!
I like your poem not like anything I've ever seen before......which is a good thing.
I loved the way you started it......
I can’t stop running
but I don’t quite know
what I want to leave behind
or what I’d like to find.
Kind of the way I feel sometimes.
Overall good job and keep writing you've got great potential
P.S no grammer mistakes that I caught