Published August 1, 2009
First time attempting poetry...I hope I don't get constructively flamed too much. 
anyway here we go:
When you whispered into my ear what did I see?
A burning desire deep within me.
Long has moments passed.
Dead is the world to me, beneath the looking glass
Belief lost to song, Ideas shrivelled to throng
My heart did ring to your touch but I sat by foolishly for too long
I think I saw you yesterday but you were walking the opposite way
Long has moments passed. Idly. I sat.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Thank you Master. God I haven't been here for a while. Feels framiliar.
"I like walking in the rain 'cause no one knows I'm crying." I've actually used that for a short story premise once. hehe
Hey Exialac! I'll be looking at your poem today!
First of all, I would like to say that your poem is very good, especially for your first poem.
But, in your sixth line, I don't know, it sounds long to me. I'm not sure if you'll get what i'm saying, but just try putting in a coma somewhere there. I really did like this though, and that's the only thing that you might want to consider changing. That's all! Have a happy writing (that seriously sounded better in my head)