Hanging By A Thread

Remington38 here for a review!
I really enjoyed reading this poem and really liked the idea. Just from the title it caught my attention and I had a feeling I would like it. I was right! The very first line grabbed my attention and I couldn't stop reading it. It was very poetically written and very thought provoking. The repetition is very good and a good tactic. The only thing is it say "Ill" do this when it should be "I'll " The rest of it is really good.

I can most definitely relate with what you have written here. School can be pretty annoying at times, what with the many restrictions it adds to our lives, and its tendency to hinder our progress in other areas of our lives. What I eventually learned with school is that you should just grit through it, take opportunities whenever you have both the time and the energy, and don't sweat it too much if you can't.

Now, onwards to the review. Overall, this is a decently strong piece. Not only is it a very relatable piece for many, it also has a good flow to it, which makes it more pleasing to read. I liked the line, "I'm so very bored of wanting more", as that's the line I can relate with the most here. I wouldn't call you depressing in the least. If anything, I would call you somewhat ambitious because you want to do other things with your life!

I saw a few typos here and there, so I'll just point them out to you. "When opportunity knocks, Ill never get the door." Ill should be I'll. Also, you made the same little typo on the next "When opportunity knocks" part. Easy mistakes to make.

Final score (I know this isn't necessary for me to put, and that a number is just a number, but I just feel like doing this. It makes me feel professional lol): 95/100. This is a very strong piece, and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great work!

I can most definitely relate with what you have written here. School can be pretty annoying at times, what with the many restrictions it adds to our lives, and its tendency to hinder our progress in other areas of our lives. What I eventually learned with school is that you should just grit through it, take opportunities whenever you have both the time and the energy, and don't sweat it too much if you can't.

Now, onwards to the review. Overall, this is a decently strong piece. Not only is it a very relatable piece for many, it also has a good flow to it, which makes it more pleasing to read. I liked the line, "I'm so very bored of wanting more", as that's the line I can relate with the most here. I wouldn't call you depressing in the least. If anything, I would call you somewhat ambitious because you want to do other things with your life!

I saw a few typos here and there, so I'll just point them out to you. "When opportunity knocks, Ill never get the door." Ill should be I'll. Also, you made the same little typo on the next "When opportunity knocks" part. Easy mistakes to make.

Final score (I know this isn't necessary for me to put, and that a number is just a number, but I just feel like doing this. It makes me feel professional lol): 95/100. This is a very strong piece, and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great work!

Hey TS here reviewing.

I prefer this one to the last simply because there's more - even though both are pretty nice. Is this a progressive piece? Like, you start not getting the door but now you're just getting it and saying no. Is it like you're going through different stages of boredom? I like it. Yeah, I do, I like the way you maintained your idea of "Too afraid to change" and "Too stubborn to remain the same" throughout the rest. Like you're conflicted. So many people are just conflicted, I think. Too thoughtful for their own good, afraid to do what they want for fear of failure. I think you portrayed that really well with the opportunity knocking at the door, and it was nice the way you switched it up in the last part.
I think maybe to give it a bit of completion you could maybe hint at your next move, to take the chance and risk all or stay the way you are, or maybe an angry verse, some kind of climax. Completely up to you though, and just a suggestion, because it's already really cool and I think you executed the idea really well. Add in another emotion maybe, like, boredom has consumed this piece. It really screams how bored and stuck-in-place you are, which is what you want, but maybe some anger or sadness could creep I'm. Just a suggestion. It's cool already

Yours in ink,
TS.