Malec fanfic
He stroked his beautiful black hair and stared into his deep blue eyes “Alec i love you I always have, you are my love, the one.” “I know” Alec smiled as Magnus dragged him away into his room. “Movie night maybe?” Magnus said with a smile, beaming up at Alec, He nodded and sat on the warm glitter covered bed and lay on Magnus’s lap watching the movie 101 Dalmatians for the tenth time. As Alec fell asleep Magnus stroked his hair, he placed his hand on Alec’s forehead and drank a liquid from a small vile. “Forever connected, Alec lightwood ever since the moment I first saw you I fell in love with you”. He fell asleep leaving Alec on his lap asleep peacefully.
As he woke up he saw Alec was gone and panicked he leapt out of his bed, darting to the living room he tripped over, expecting to fall over onto the hard wooden floor , he was shocked to find he fell into the arms of his boyfriend. “together forever” he chuckled, “Magnus i love you ,you are the best thing that ever happened to me, i know what you did” as Magnus got up he pulled Alec close pressing his soft lips against his stroking his hand against his hair, Alec looked into Magnus’s eyes “your eyes are the most amazing part of you”
“Thanks” Magnus giggled blushing slightly “I’m sorry for what i did, how i hurt you i never should of , i...i...i’m sorry” Alec pulled Magnus’s face up, stroking his hair back he hugged Magnus. “It’s Okay i was being stupid to.....
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
malec omg *-*
Hi, Cheetah here, ready to review your piece on this wonderful Review Day. ^_^
This holds a lot of potential, but it has a lot of little errors that should be taken care of first.
First off, you need to remember to capitalize! It's more important than a lot of people realize. I only see a few "I"'s that are capitalized in this story.
You also need to put commas in places such as here:
The last sentence could use some improvement also:
Maybe change it to:
Like I said, this definitely holds potential. Fix it up a bit and it'll be great! Keep writing!
Thank you for the review.
Hey there,
As I said below, this does not have a plot. This does not have a setting. This does not have interesting characters. We like romance between characters for a million different reasons, but, as with many things, we enjoy these things even more when we care about these characters.
I do not care about these characters. I do not know who these characters are. I do not know where these characters are. What should move me? It is like watching two completely unknown people kissing and such. At best we could be completely impassive, at worst we could be disgusted. We would not feel emotionally impacted. Let's face it, you're not even using words in a particularly breathtaking way.
Why, pray tell, would we, all considered, keep on reading this? Why would we keep on reading this past the first two sentences? You are just throwing around words. If this is your own special mortal instruments fanfiction, that's fine, maybe other fans will appreciate (maybe), but this can by no means be considered objectively as a piece of literature. That is all.
In fan fiction you are meant to already know the characters, you are already meant to have a connection with them , also i would hardly call you review a good one
A.) It has no quotes
B.) It hasn't properly described how it can be shown how to improve and it uses insults not constructive criticism
So please if you are going to do a review please do it properly, and there is no need for the last comment as this is my first fanfiction i expect a lot of things to work on but there is no need for the "but this can by no means be considered objectively as a piece of literature" Thank you
Is this story incomplete? I find it without any plot that gives readers anything to be interested about.
It is just a very short fanfiction for The mortal instruments. I hopefully will be adding more soon
I....
....ok then...
Yes Mundanes and non Malec shippers will not understand
....and writers everywhere will cringe no doubt.
Cringe why, i understand its not good in fact its my worst work but its my first fanfic so...
protip, plot and characterization are always good thing. Smut fiction tends not to be.
Smut... all he does is kiss and lay on his lap... not exactly smut... its what romance is so are you saying that some books are smut like the mortal instruments. kissing is not smut please get your internet slang right, and if you want me to improve it please post a review and explain how not just say something like that.
excuse me for using the word smut incorrectly. Sure, I'll give you a review.
Okay sorry for snapping at you, thank you.
It is fine ^.^ I hope my review was clear.