Suicide Point. Its name pretty much explains itself. It was where people went to die. They’d go to the woods in which the point was located, climb up the peak, and walk to the edge. Many people just kept on walking over the edge, and fall 100 or so feet to their death. Others hesitated, and weren’t sure if they should go or not. I remember myself, holding onto the edge of the cliff, looking down. There was a huge blood stain at the bottom of the Point. Would I just add to the blood stain? What would I do?
I felt myself starting to want to puke again. I had done it three times on my way up the peak. I would just duck in the grass, and then make sure that no one saw me, even though I knew that I was alone. As I knelt on the peak, my hands holding onto the edge of the point, blood traveling through the lines in my palms, I felt the stomach acid come up, and I puked over the edge of the Point. I watched the blood coming from my hands stain the light, chalky brown stone of the Point. I held onto it with my last remaining thoughts.
Standing up, I looked at my hands. They were covered in dust, and the blood was mixing with it. There was dirt in my cuts, but I didn’t care. It’d all be over soon. People would wonder where I went, and find me days, maybe even weeks or months, later at the bottom of Suicide Point. They’d know what had happened to me. It wouldn’t have been a homicide. I would have jumped off the edge. Walked off, rather.
I knew I had no life to live for if I didn’t jump. I knew that if I did jump, I’d probably not die, just hurt myself, and end up paralyzed for the rest of my life. I inched my way onto the absolute edge of the peak, the toes of my shoes hanging over the edge. I put my arms out, struggling to balance. I knew what I had to do…
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Why does this girl have cuts on her hands? That is my number one question.
But besides that, welcome to YWS!
Now, usually when locations are well-known for being suicide spots, not only do police come to check often, but they'd probably organize something to try to keep people from committing suicide there, like a high fence or something. So why hasn't that been done here? And also, if the bottom of the cliff is dirt, why is there a blood stain? Dirt can be covered up, and probably would be maintained to try to give the image that it's just a normal cliff if nothing else, maybe confuse the teenagers, make them think, "Is this really suicide point?"
Anyway, the other big question is why? What compelled this character to walk all the way up here? There was one thing that set her off, even if it was just a thought on a normal day. What ELSE is she thinking about while she's up there. She's not JUST thinking about dying, is she? Does she have family? Friends? Do they know about her wish at all? Have they tried to talk her out of it, and if so, what did she say? Does she know anyone who committed suicide here? Does she think of them?
Why does she have no life to live for?
Bring specificity to this piece to make it more real.
Good luck!
Work hard!
Let me know if you have any questions.
Hi, Evie! Welcome to YWS!
This is a very powerful beginning and I like it! However, I think it would be even more effective if you took the middle sentence out. "Suicide Point. It was where people went to die." I don't know, it's your call though! Just a suggestion
Especially in literary texts, I'd recommend typing out "100", so "--fall a hundred or so feet". It's not a long word, and it looks a bit neater than numbers.
I wondered a bit about this. Since the place is called "Suicide Point", it must be quite notorious and well-known - you'd think that in that case officials, or whoever, would check it quite often? I was just thinking that surely the narrator would then be found earlier than weeks or months later, especially if they were found out to be missing.
All in all, I thought this was a really cool concept - I can't help but be intrigued about morbid stories.
Demeter
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Hey, thanks a lot for the review and what not! I really appreciate the feedback!
your words were so porous that kept me no blinking throughout. A description indepth indeed
This is magnificint!!! I mean it kept me reading and it leaves you hanging. Is she going to walk off or live? This is brilliant. I loved how she was saying the what ifs, would they know? and how you incorperated the cuts that almost every sucicide makes! This is a 9/10 this ia amazing!
Wow! Thanks so much!
Sounds like a suicide-murder...how intriguing. What is driving this person to jump and what opposing force is causing them to doubt? Self-preservation? Something more? Very compelling prologue. Do continue.