Published July 29, 2011
There is a place
For that I yearn
The path of which
Untraveled
Untouched by men
A quiet stage
There my soul
Will sing
If ever my heart
can finds its peace
In creation's
Holy wild
Then I will be
The truly blessed
A man of which
Is free.
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I like it/the overall sentiment. Just wanted to say I think the "There my soul" line could benefit from an extra syllable for rhythm's sake. Also I think it ought to be "for which I yearn" unless I'm misunderstanding (which is highly possible). Hmm...and speaking of the word "which", about the last two lines--a man of what exactly?
Oh, "which is free" is a noun phrase. That wasn't apparent at first. I don't see any other comments about it so maybe I'm just dense...
Hi there Everett. I don't have much to say, I guess. Lol. Just that the poem would look better with commas.
But I think you did a good job.
I think the it's should be its'?
P.S. Welcome to YWS. Hope you like it! ^_^
Wonderful poem, that's all there is to it. It has a great concept and it flows well. You kept up the pattern for each stanza and you were able to evoke a yearning emotion. Epic! Keep of the great work!