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Sherlock Holmes x Mary Morstan - Fanfiction (Untitled)

by EverStorm


Sherlock Holmes x Mary Morstan

Authors Note: This is a fanfiction that takes place in the missing moments of book two of Sherlock Holmes "Sign of The Four". Part one taking place in the missing hours after Sherlock and Watson meet Ms. Morstan. This takes place in the late 1800's, in London. I tried my best to make it read like a Sherlock Holmes novel and also tried to stay true to the character's personalities while still telling the story I wanted to tell. This story is a fanfiction of only the books, and not any movie or TV series.

Sherlock turned his head to the side, not looking Dr. Watson in the eye. He stared blankly at the wall before answering his friend.

“I hadn’t noticed,” He commented. But in fact, he had noticed. He had noticed a great deal. Ms. Morstan was blonde, petite, and fair-skinned. All things he would have noticed about any young woman, a client even. But the feelings that accompanied those observations were new and peculiar. He might have thought them a new reaction to the cocaine, but he had already felt the effects subsiding before Ms. Morstan visited. No, these were definitely something else. Some might find them exciting, but Holmes found them something to be studied, exploited. So he stood.

“I shall return soon.” Sherlock grabbed his coat off the hanger and darted from the room. He slipped it on as he trotted down the stairs. The sounds of Dr. Watson moving his chair and the smell of tobacco wafted down the stairwell. Holmes smiled as he closed the door.

~*~*~

After walking some ways across town, Holmes found himself at the address of Ms. Morstan. He straightened his collar and jacket before briskly knocking on the door and standing with his hands clenched behind his back. The door opened a few moments later and an older woman stood in front of him. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I’ve come to speak with Ms. Morstan,” He stated firmly.

“Oh. She just got in. Let me fetch her.” The woman beckoned Sherlock inside and rushed to some unknown room in the house. Sherlock studied the walls and ceiling as he waited. The house was older, and in need of repair, he noticed. Footsteps were coming near him, so he squared his shoulders and stared at a painting on the wall. It was mediocre at best, he decided.

“Mr. Holmes,” Ms. Morstan breathed as she neared him, “Is there anything I can help you with?” Sherlock noted as she straightened her dress and clasped her hands in front of her. He looked her in the eye as he spoke.

“Yes, I needed to know if your father was ever in the public eye. Did he ever public speak, was he interviewed, in a paper?” Sherlock tried to remain as short as possible in his speech. He kept himself rigid. Ms. Morstan seemed to act same way, except for the faint blush on her cheeks.

“No, he was a very private man. The only thing that would be in the paper about him would be the post of his death.” Ms. Morstan said in a soft tone.

“Ah, yes. Which paper?” Sherlock said with his curiosity piqued.

“The Times, I believe”, Said Ms. Morstan.

“Of course. Thank you Ms. Morstan. I will see you,” Sherlock pulled out his watch and checked it, “In two hours.” He tipped his hat to her and opened the door. It wasn’t until the door was closed that he let out his breath. He had to admit, she was beautiful.

“Holmes,” He muttered to himself, “this is not appropriate. She is a client.” He narrowed his eyes and began walking towards where he would find the archives of the Times, his pace fast and his emotions closed.


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8 Reviews


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Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:31 pm
wildlyabstract says...



I'm going to say first and foremost that I love this. Sherlock Holmes is undoubtedly one of my absolute favorite book characters. The BBC show is my favorite, and I love this new adaption you put on an otherwise platonic relationship. I found myself wishing there was more to the story! Well done.




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Sat Jan 07, 2017 2:41 am
MeatBunCat wrote a review...



MeatBunCat here with my very first review!


Sherlock Holmes x Mary Morstan


Personally I'm a Sherlock Holmes x Dr. Watson kind of gal.

Sherlock turned his head to the side, not looking Dr. Watson in the eye. He stared blankly at the wall before answering his friend.


SEE, perfect budding love!

Seriously though, a better catch then most fanfics, it makes you wonder what happened. The first sentence should draw attention and create questions after all.

But in fact, he had noticed.

Needs more emphasis, put a comma after that "but".

Some might find them exciting, but Holmes found them something to be studied, exploited.

Exploited? Another question raised that will likely be answered. GOOD!

He cleared his throat before speaking.

This sentence feels a bit like a hang on, like there should have been more described in this action.

Ms. Morstan seemed to act same way, except for the faint blush on her cheeks.

Very romantic dad talk.

“Ah, yes. Which paper?” Sherlock said with his curiosity piqued.

Didn't he already know that? I forget. Sorry, this isn't part of the review. I honestly forget.

He had to admit, she was beautiful.

Wouldn't Sherlock have tried to analyze why he saw her that way given his personality?

“Holmes,” He muttered to himself, “this is not appropriate. She is a client.” He narrowed his eyes and began walking towards where he would find the archives of the Times, his pace fast and his emotions closed.

And the exploitation thing never happened as far as I can tell. Oh well.


Now for some all over the place highlighting:
“I hadn’t noticed,” He commented.

It was mediocre at best, he decided.

So he stood.

The house was older, and in need of repair, he noticed.


I feel like these sentences could stand for some more colorful wording.

Whelp, that does it for my first review, I hope I wasn't harsh, and that this helps.

Have a nice day!




EverStorm says...


This was great haha. Thank you for the review! This is only a part one of this fanfic, so his feelings will definitely be exploited. I'm posting it on Wednesday, if you want me to tag you in it.



MeatBunCat says...


sure!



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Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:37 am
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Magebird wrote a review...



Hi, EverWinter! Mage here to do the promised review! So let's get to it, shall we?

I enjoyed reading this story. Though it was short, it was engaging and interesting to read. You captured Sherlock Holmes' detachment from other people perfectly, and made the fanfiction seem as if it could fit right into The Sign of Four. You also hinted at Mary possibly being attracted to Sherlock from the way she acted when talking. Your main problem throughout the story was dialogue, but I'll get into that when I go into the specifics of the story. A suggestion I have for this piece is to include more descriptions of what the characters are doing when speaking so it's not just mainly dialogue during the story.

Onto the specifics!

Authors Note: This is a fanfiction that takes place in the missing moments of book two of Sherlock Holmes "Sign of The Four".


There should be an apostrophe after the "r" in "Authors".

Sherlock turned his head to the side, not looking Dr. Watson in the eye. He stared blankly at the wall before answering his friend.


The reader can assume that Dr. Watson made a comment about Mary's appearance, but I would suggest including the comment he made prior to Sherlock's response. I found myself a little lost until I realized that he commented on Mary before the fanfiction starts.

“I hadn’t noticed,” He commented.


You do this a couple of other places as well. The "H" in "He" should be lowercase because it's part of the dialogue tag.

But in fact, he had noticed.


There should be a comma after "But".

The house was older, and in need of repair, he noticed.


As of right now, this is awkwardly worded. I would suggest moving "he noticed" to the beginning of the sentence, or putting the words that come before it in italics and make them present tense so the reader knows that Sherlock is thinking.

It was mediocre at best, he decided.


I have the same advice for this sentence as I did for the sentence above.

“Mr. Holmes,” Ms. Morstan breathed as she neared him, “Is there anything I can help you with?”


The "I" in "Is" should be lowercase because it's continuing the sentence starting with "Mr. Holmes." If "Mr. Holmes" is its own sentence, you should put a period after "him" and keep the "I" as an uppercase letter.

“Yes, I needed to know if your father was ever in the public eye. Did he ever public speak, was he interviewed, in a paper?”


This is worded awkwardly. I would suggest changing to something along the lines of, "Yes. I need to know if your father was ever in the public eye. Did he ever publicly speak, or was he interviewed for a paper?"

By the way, I love the excuse Sherlock comes up with! It's a great way to explain why he needed to see her.

“No, he was a very private man. The only thing that would be in the paper about him would be the post of his death.” Ms. Morstan said in a soft tone.


There should be a comma after "death".

He had to admit, she was beautiful.


You don't need a comma after "admit".

“Holmes,” He muttered to himself, “this is not appropriate. She is a client.” He narrowed his eyes and began walking towards where he would find the archives of the Times, his pace fast and his emotions closed.


The "H" of "He" after "Holmes" should be lowercase.

This was a great way to end the piece, by the way! Like I mentioned before, you do a great job at capturing Sherlock's detachment, and the line about his emotions closing really shows that. Awesome job there!

I'm sorry if my review seemed harsh in any way. That wasn't my intention whatsoever; I had fun reading this! If you have any questions about what I said, please ask and I'll clear things up! Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a wonderful day/night! ^_^





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