Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
For All Time
The world is twisted and cruel… Bad things happen to people who don’t deserve it. Like me, except my stupidity caused my fate. I deserve every minute. It all started on the way home. I was driving home from work, a small café on the outskirts of town. I was sixteen and alone, it was dark and raining hard. I saw him on the side of the road, and immediately recognized him. He was kneeling on the sidewalk. He was soaked from the rain. He looked so broken that it seemed his soul was crying to get out.
“Isaiah!” I called to him as I pulled to the side of the road. His head slowly lowered until he met my gaze.
“Rose Willards…” He said calmly. His black hair clung to his face.
“Need a ride somewhere?” I asked. He stood up without answering and got in my car. “Oh.” I said as he sat down. I instantly regretted my actions.
“Just drive. I’ll tell you where.” He said. I started shaking, wishing I hadn’t invited him into my car. I had only talked to him when absolutely necessary. He had the reputation of being a little shady… He only wore gray or black, he hardly ever spoke, and no one really knew anything about him outside of school. I bit my lip fiercely.
“You’re scared of me.” He stated. I jumped and looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
“W-what?” I replied. He looked me up and down. I was still in my white shorts and yellow t-shirt, my uniform from work. He reached out and grabbed a lock of my curly red hair. He rubbed it between his fingers. I swallowed thickly.
“Why’d you pick me up if you’re scared of me?” He asked softly. I looked down before returning my gaze to the road.
“I don’t really know…” I mumbled. He leaned back in his seat. He never told me to turn, he never told me to stop until we got to the other edge of the city. The entire way I was trying to figure out a way to get him out of my car. My lip was sore, but I never stopped chewing on it. “You live down here? What on earth were you doing on the north side of the city?” I asked him. He must’ve walked the whole twenty miles. I talked to only fill the silence that terrified me so much.
“It doesn’t matter.” He replied curtly. I shifted uncomfortably. The night sky was still pouring down relentless rain. “Stop here.” He ordered. I pulled off to the side of the road before he snapped at me, “Not here. In the parking lot, stupid girl.” My lip was profusely bruised and started to bleed. I pulled back onto the road and drove into the nearly empty parking lot of an old motel. It was probably the sketchiest place I had even been. I parked in the front of the parking lot and waited for him to get out. Isaiah reached over and pulled my key out of the ignition and stepped into the rain.
“Hey! What the heck?” I shouted, “Give me my keys back!” I jumped out of the car and started following him. I almost had reached the door of a room when I halted abruptly. A voice was screaming in my head “Leave. Get out of there. Now. Hurry and leave!” I whipped around to run but a hand grabbed my wrist. Isaiah pulled me toward his room and I screamed. As I pushed against him and struggled, I felt my vibrating phone fall to the ground. I kicked Isaiah in the knee and he released me briefly. He shouted curses at me. I knew I couldn’t outrun him. His legs were a good six inches longer than mine. So before I took off, I reached down and pressed my phone to accept the call.
“Mom!” I screamed, “Help me!” I screamed as I grabbed the phone and started running. “Help me! Isaiah’s got me, I can’t get away I screamed as I ran. My screams pierced the air as Isaiah tackled me to the ground. He hit me several times before he wrenched the phone out of my hands. It flew across the parking lot and shattered. Isaiah lifted me off the ground and carried me towards his room. No, no, no this couldn’t be happening. How could I do this to myself?
I should have thought about what I was doing before I tried to be a Good Samaritan. That was six months ago. I am now used to sitting in a dark room and crying for hours straight. I am now used to seeing my face on the news as a missing person. My parents are still looking for me. The twenty year old man that I had thought was a junior keeps me locked up in a motel in a city hundreds of miles away from my home.
Isaiah walks into the room and my eyes burn from the sudden light. He walks up to me a gently grabs my pale bruised face. He pinches my cheeks in his hands and I let out a sob. He gets closer to me, and fear fills my entire body. The shaking never stops now.
“Tell me, dear Rose, how long will you be mine?” He asks me. I start sobbing before he pushes me back and slaps me across the face. I shriek and bury my face against my knees. I push myself as far into the wall as I can, praying to God that I will escape. Isaiah starts screaming at me, repeating one phrase at me until I answer. “How long, Rose?” He screams one last time, “How long?” I look into his dark, evil eyes. I am prepared to give him the only answer he will accept.
“For all time,” I spit at him.
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Heya, Eevee! Casanova here to do another review! Anyway, the length of this short story is a lot shorter than a lot of your previous ones, and a lot of your novel chapters as well.
I will say that I think this one is suspenseful enough to continue, but I have not a clue as to what,"For All Time," is. I still think you could continue it, though.
Anyway, on to the review!
The first thing I noticed was this-
In the line before this, you use past tense, then use present tense here.Also, it's kinda phrased weird. It sounds off, so to speak. I think you could change it to something like,"I deserved every minute of it," without losing anything. You gain some, though, and I think that's what writing's about.
The next thing I noticed was-
Remember, the connecting word(unless a pronoun) doesn't get capitalized after dialogue. Neater and all that, besides grammar reasons.
That leads into my next point. Your dialogue has become better in terms of emotion, but there's seriously a lot of it. You could take some of this out, or you could change it. Let the actions speak. Let the scene speak. Let us be talked to besides the dialogue. Overall though I can over look it considering you do well in describing what you want to describe in the paragraphs without dialogue, so I give you props for that.
THE ENDING!! <3 I mean, it's really dramatic. And suspenseful, and I know I've been ragging you about that in the last few reviews. This is totally your best ending of a work yet, in my opinion. And I don't think you should change anything about it, as surprising as it is. Keep it. Nourish it. Let that emotion there, the anger you feel in that last sentence. Let THAT come out in your endings. Let THAT come out in your works.
Overall, I think this was a decent work that could use some dialogue and descriptive tweaks, along with some phrasing. But props on the ending and props overall.
That's all I have for this one, I'm moving on to your last short now.
I hope this helped.
Keep doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Cassy
Hi, I'm here to review your short story briefly as I can~
So, you started weakly in my opinion. Maybe you could rephrase that and cut it into two. Like, the sentence after I deserve every minute should be a new paragraph. I feel that that would give off an effect, a pause to take everything in.
I love stalker ish stories so this one is great. I can feast on the insanity of people! XD But also, the way you show sometimes instead of telling is greaaaaat. I just felt it was too abrupt and I know, it's hard to fit all that into the story but tell me: how did Rose clutch her steering wheel while she drove? What's keeping her from escaping? Is she in shackles or whatever or did Isaiah lock the room? What was the surroundings like when they rode to the motel? What did the motel look like really?
Well, off to school, I think it's really good and the ending is just ugh. It fills my heart so much. So, happy writing~
Hi, this is Abhipsa, here for a review.

I simply loved your work. It is nicely written and the emotions are aptly described. And most of all, though it is not a happy ending, for a story, you have ended it with very nice, appreciable lines.
There are just two things that strike me as odd. First is the fact that if she was in a motel, there would be so many people around, who would have seen and helped her when Isaiah carried her so recklessly inside and locked her up. Surely, and then if she was locked up for such a long time, people would have at least got a hint that something was amiss, listening to all the screams from Isaiah's quarters. This is like a flaw in your story.
The second thing is the motive. Why was Isaiah doing all this? I mean if he simply was a rouge who locked girls for his purpose, then she wouldn't have been the only one there. And why take all the trouble of getting disguised as a student and then bringing her? He simply could have kidnapped her from well, anywhere.
I don't know if I am able to explain myself properly or not, but these are the facts that I felt to be quite out of the ordinary line of the story.
But anyway, as I said before, it was extremely well written and made a good story.
Looking forward to more from you.
Best of luck for the competition.
And keep writing!