One Day,
I'll tell the world who I am
shouting from the rooftops
unafraid and beautiful
-*-
One day,
I'll show everyone who I am
wearing the truest colors for me,
confident and happy
-*-
One day,
I'll give them all my writing
the words everywhere on the pages,
inspiring and extravagent
-*-
One day,
I will be brave,
wonderful,
beautiful,
fearless
-*-
One day,
I will be happy,
loud,
laughing,
smiling
-*-
One day,
soon,
hopefully,
probably,
-*-
One day,
surely,
one of these days
-*-
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey, Onii-Chan here!
Great poem! Great poem about a person who longs to show the world who they really are. I like the repetition of “One day”, but I think that the title should’ve been “One Day”, or you should repeat “One of these days” instead. Otherwise, great poem, and I love how you added a cover to it as well!
P.s. I love the separation of the stanzas! That’s really cool!
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem about a person who has hopes of achieving things felt to be lacking in the present.. Based on those hopes, of achieving: fame, fearlessness, beauty, confidence, and happiness, we can confidently concluded that the person feels afraid, insecure, unattractive, unappreciated, and unhappy in the preset..
The poem begins by expressing an admirable confidence that such things are attainable and that they will eventually become a reality. That is why the poem repeats that “one day....” phrase.
But then it concludes with the words that contradict that certainty such as “maybe someday” “perhaps” “probably”. So the concluding part made the first part seem like a burst of euphoric optimism that is based more on hope than on certainty.
This makes the poem charmingly unique by demonstrating how the human mind can see-saw between two opinions. How it can seek to heal itself and provide comfort to itself by making positive assertions about the future and then humbly admit that it was all hyperbolic bravado.
I liked the way that the repetition was used to create a mood and for emphasis.
Suggestion:
The layout was OK except for the stanza that shifted to the very extreme left which halted my reading in order to find it.
All in all a very interesting read. Look forward to reading more of your work.
Addendum
Hyperbolic
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/hyperbolic