With a semi-automatic tucked behind a jean pocket
a life of policed solitude and desperation
framed by hopeless attempts at chocolate kisses
ending with misery and thrown-away wrappers
There is no silver lining here.
Locked away with the money is the dream
under codes, some never to be unlocked—
for the key has been thrown away
destroyed by the acidity of the passing day
rained on by water and something very bitter.
Painted upon with generosity and fierce bravado
but the canvas is ripped and the colors fading
the brushes chipped and abandoned in a corner
The buyer has sold to the lowest bidder
A few coins in a wood-iron case.
A story told and retold, but with no change of words
and the paper is yellow with rotting age
smelling like a musty space full of nothing
the inked words dripping with suspense
but questionable to the point of disdain.
There is no secret, no girlish games of trickery
no boyish ambition or wandering eye
no love for the lie or jealousy sly
no tragedy great or potion of hate
just two people with minds like ribcages—
each connect but both branch apart.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
Thanks Kyl! Hey guys, Im submitting this for a literary journal. Wish me luck!
Excellent, excellent, excellent! This is my kind of poem. Abstract enough to make me work for the meaning, but plain enough for there to be one. Your comparison with the ribcage was very unique. I've never read anything like it...but it doesn't work for me. Maybe after reading the lines a few times I'll warm up to it. An aquired taste.
I think you meant 'seller' or 'auctioneer'. Buyers generally tend to buy, instead of sell
Your first stanza was by far my favorite.
-Kylan
thanks Luna! I should attempt to write more, but brad scares me.
I really liked the poem! I think my favorite lines were:
just because it's such a brilliant metaphor.
I can't really think of anything to critique, honestly. You did a fantastic job, and I looove the poem!
~Luna~
Why thank you very much!
Wow. Just, wow. The imagery was amazing, and there was a lot of depth to this poem. Good job! I loved the part about the canvas. Very poetic
Thanks, gin!
Hmm.. Yes good imagary and I liked how it just... Continued. It made me think and smile.. And frown but I liked it.
Good work ^^
Thanks eric...
My favorite lines,
I didn't necessarily like the lines of the fourth stanza but that is probably just me. Overall it was excellent, and I am not one to like love-type poetry...at all.
Ahh. Well, I don't know about the foundation...thanks for reading!
I loved it to tell the truth. You showed us your feelings very well. Still, I can't get an in-def picture here. Even so I liked. I just got a little hard to follow with no foundation to the poem.
Thank you very much! Glad to know I did well. Haven't written this type of poetry in a while.
Oh, I really love the imagery in this one. All your description are very vivid and awesome, and it seemed to flow pretty well too. Not much else I can say except good work. ^_^
MM