Camile
Back before I even heard the name "Shifter" we had always been a trio. Just me, Cirus, and Carden.
Carden was one of the best guys I knew. Witty, sensitive, and sure, a little paranoid. He had always been there for me, more like a big brother than a friend. I never knew any time when he wasn't by my side.
I always thought Carden was wary of Cirus because of how much he and I started hanging out together.
I met him my first day of freshman year, and he and I just clicked.
I thought maybe Carden just felt threatened or left out.
Once we all started spending time together, Carden seemed to relax around the guy, as long as he was with me while he was around, he was always polite. As for how they acted when the two were alone, I had no idea until the date.
Carden and I were walking home from school one afternoon, and I was telling him about a dream I'd had.
"You were in it." I recalled.
"Dressed up like a knight and talking with an Angel."
Carden seemed very interested in the story. He grinned.
"An Angel?"
I nodded. My dreams were strange. Always vivid, always lifelike, and always involving, in some way, and Angel.
We stopped at a light post on the corner of the sidewalk, and soon Cirus had joined us, running down the long walkway of his house and bursting out the front gate.
"Hey, guys!" He beamed.
Carden gave him a small smile in return, his eyes flicking between me and him nervously.
"Hi, Cirus."
Cirus blushed. "Hey, man. Could I maybe talk with Camile? Alone?"
Carden scowled. He always got irritated when Cirus asked him to leave us alone together.
"No." Carden rumbled. "Whatever you want to say, you can say in front of both of us."
Cirus put his hands up as if in surrender.
"Okay, alright! Just asking."
He cleared his throat. "Hey, Camile, If you don't have any plans tonight..."
I flushed.
"Isn't this a little sudden?"
Cirus shrugged. "I'm not too good with planning ahead."
I laughed. "Okay then. tonight?"
Cirus brightened. "Yeah! Tonight!"
I hadn't noticed it then, but I think Carden might have winced.
.........
My parents were out that night. They both had to work late. So when there was a knock on the door, I knew it was Cirus.
I threw open the door, grinning.
I shouldn't have let him in. I should've said no in the first place.
"Heya!" I greeted.
for once, Cirus was silent. he only gave me a small smile and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. we walked over to the couch and sat down, and Cirus finally spoke.
"I'm glad we could do this." He sighed, rising.
He strode over to the door, picking up the spare house key.
"After all, do you know how long I've been trying to get you alone?"
Cirus shook his head, inserting the key into the lock. "I'll give Carden one thing, he is dedicated."
He turned the key and I heard the lock click. Cirus slipped the key into his pocket, and moved over to the windows.
"When I first met you, Carden was naturally concerned about you. No matter how convincing my ruse may have been to normal mortals, he naturally saw right through it. He knew who I was. And then when he found out that you were a Shifter, hah."
Cirus scoffed dryly, pausing to draw the blinds on the windows.
"He never left me alone with you. You must either be very powerful, or that fool has let his emotions worry him over a mere trifle."
I slowly stood up, my heard speeding up in my chest. The way he talked, calling other people mortals, using strange terms like Shifters, should have clued me in that something was wrong, even if him locking the doors and windows hadn't.
"Wh-what? Cirus, what are you talking about? What are Shifters?"
Cirus turned on his heel and stare at me. The kindness was gone from his eyes, replaced with cold and unreadable emotion.
"How about I show you?"
"Or," Carden's voice echoed around the house. "I could just kill you instead."
A spear tip pierced the air in between us, slashing a thin white line though the scene. the line widened until I could see Carden, clad in silver armor and carrying a golden spear, standing boldly in the center.
He looked exactly the same as he had in my dream. The armor emblazoned with a pair of wings on his chest plate, the golden spear etched with intricate feathers and small images of birds in flight.
He leaped from the rift and it immediately shrunk back to an almost invisible line.
Cirus sneered. "So here we are again. The Angel and the Demon. Two Champions fighting an age old war."
I backed up, trying and failing to keep the fear from consuming me. Cirus swung a fist, catching Carden soundly in the jaw. Carden stumbled a few steps, then swung his spear like a bat. a shimmering current of air erupted from the shaft, arching through the air and smacking into Cirus, sending him flying down the hall.
Carden grabbed my wrist and began pulling me toward the rift in space.
"Carden, what's happening? Where are we going? Why is Cirus trying to kill us? What the heck is a-"
"Shifter." Carden finished my panicked sentance, still tugging me toward the tear.
"How Cirus possibly could have found out, I have no idea. I thought keeping you in the dark would keep him from catching on. " -The rift widened as Carden and I approached- "Those dreams you had? The ones that were so vivid? They weren't dreams, Camile. You jumped between worlds." We stepped into the rift, and the whiteness faded away into a endless green field.
"There's another world other than the mortal one, Camile, and a rare few of us can travel, or "Shift" between them. Most Shifters don't realize that they're actually visiting another world, because they often shift subconsciously, in their sleep. But they all have the same sort of lucid dreams that you've been having."
Through the rift, I could see the living room. Cirus was tramping through the hall toward the tear in reality.
Carden began running, still keeping a tight grip on my arm. I stumbled and almost tripped as a tried to keep up with his pace.
"And Cirus is a Shifter too?"
"Yes."
"Then why is he trying to kill us?"
"Not all Shifters are good, Camile. Cirus is the mortal Champion of Asmodius, the Demon Lord."
"But why would he want to kill us? We're his friends, aren't we?"
Carden stayed silent.
A guttural roar erupted behind us.
"SKY DWELLING FILTH!"
Carden threw his spear into the clouds and it erupted into a shower of gold. Imediately a voice answered
"You called?"
From the skies came a large, winged something. As it drew closer, I realized that it was a human. Slender and elegant with snowy white hair and tawny wings.
An Angel.
"Meet my partner," Carden said as the Angel swooped down. "Gibril. The Magici Champion of the Angels."
A bolt of fire burned through the air and Gibril took flight again. Carden shoved me aside and the fireball whizzed past us.
"Ehrm...I'm going to go out on a limb here. There's a problem, right?" Gibril quipped.
"Gibril, now really isn't the time."
Another roar sounded behind us and Giril's fiery orange eyes widened.
"I see what you mean. Well, come on."
He snapped his wings open and grabbed the back of my shirt. I screamed as he lifted me off the ground.
"Put me down! Put me down! I hate heights!" I shriek. How was he even able to lift me? He was as scrawny as he was tall, and besides that didn't seem any older than me.
"Listen, lady. If I put you on the ground, Cirus'll just set you on fire. Let Carden handle him. he knows what he's doing."
I held onto his arms with both of mine, careful not to look down at the ground despite the sounds of Cirus and Carden's battle.
"B-but...we can't just leave him alone."
"I'm sorry, little mortal. I'm just doing what's right."
"No you're not! You're leaving him out there alone! Aren't you supposed to be partners?"
Gibril looked down at me, then sighed.
"Carden's gonna be pi- well...really, really angry."
He wheeled around toward the battle.
When my feet hit the grass, I started running.
Carden and Cirus were still dueling.
Carden was brandishing his spear. It's tip sparked with lightening. The winds began to howl through the meadow, flattening the grass under as the fierce gale screamed through.
Gibril, still in the air, pumped his powerful wings against it's force, somehow still able to travel forward.
Cirus didn't seem bothered at all by the storm. he shouted something that I couldn't hear over the shrieking wind, and drew a pure black scimitar from its sheath.
"Blackshard..." Gibril gasped as the winds died down. He put on a burst of speed, shooting though the air and leaving me yards behind him. I sprinted to to catch up, and when I finally reached them, Carden and Gibril had Cirus outmatched.
Gibril shot through the air on silent wings, lashing out with a dynamic kick, and flitting away just in time for Carden to throw his spear, which changed into a golden bolt of lightening. As it collided with Cirus, the pale yellow volt arced through his body and the boy fell to his knees. Carden held out his hand and the spear re-formed in his palm. Cirus coughed, then chuckled. Then threw his head back and laughed.
"Very well played, Carden. You've gotten better over the years."
He rose slowly, his black hair turned grey with dust and soot, his electric blue eyes glinting with an almost feral light.
"But I'm afraid the time has come to end you."
I stood watching, frozen in place as my terror caught up with me.
Cirus flung his scimitar, which rapidly changed into an ebony javelin. It embedded itself into Carden's stomach with a sick thud, piercing the thick silver of his armor as if it were nothing more than paper. Carden stumbled, coughing up blood. The spear fell from his hand as he dropped to his knees and then onto his side, the javelin melted away, and reappeared in Cirus's sheath as a scimitar.
Gibril screamed something that I never expected to come out of Angel's mouth, and cannoned towards Cirus, snarling as he drew forth and axe made of pure light.
"Pathetic." Cirus scoffed.
He drew Blackshard again, and nonchalantly swung it, slicing though the Angel's wing where it connected to his back.
Gibril yelped as he plummeted from the air, and I snapped out of my stupor.
"Cirus! Stop! Please!" I shouted, running into the middle of the massacre. I stepped between him and Gibril, tears welling up in my eyes.
"Why would you do something like this?" I sobbed. This was the boy who I had shared my favorite books with, the boy who had been my tutor in history.
My best friend.
Cirus's smile faded. He brushed past me and grabbed Gibril by the back of his bloodied white tunic. "This isn't only a war, Camile." He said softly, his eyes flashing.
War? What war?
"This is destiny, and I am merely fulfilling it. Well, I hope you enjoyed tonight, Camile. I certainly did" He grinned.
"We should do this more often."
And then he was gone. Disappearing in a burst of black flames.
"Ca...mile..." Carden's weak voice rasped. I turned and saw him staring at me from where he lay. I rushed over to him.
the hole where the javelin had pierced him was oozing blood, staining the grass dark scarlet as it pooled on the emerald earth.
"Carden...Please, just hold on. Don't die...I..I need you."
Carden continued to stare intensely at me. "The spear..."
I picked it up. This thing could manipulate the forces of nature. Maybe it could heal Carden, too. I held it out to him and he reached weakly out and clutched it with a bloodstained hand.
"Don't let go." He gasped.
"I won't."
"Good..." His eyes closed and for a sickening moment I thought he had died, but then he began to speak.
"I manifest to the gods themselves, that they may hear and approve my choice. I name for you Camile Oriel, and appoint her Champion of Angels, protector of light. May the gods bless her."
His hand slipped from the spear, and he was still.
I never wanted any of this.
I never wanted to become a Champion or Carden to die.
But I never did anything about it.
All I did was watch.
Destiny is a diabolical thing.
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I like the idea. The angle/demon struggle is cool. I like the end, and how it could either hook you on to the story, or end it there. Sorry if this is short, just trying to get my review down, and this is a really good story! Hope I can read the rest someday.... Hope I can write something this good to.
Hey Fanta!!!
Found this awesome story and I am all ready to review....(gosh, I haven't done this in a long time)
I liked it a lot, especially the whole war part and that we have betrayal in chapter one! Well done.
Except the little things like typos, I would just like to add some suggestions. I like everything, the whole Angel and Demon part is amazing and I want to know more, so after this I am totally running to chapter two...but one little thing is it goes too fast. Maybe end the chapter when Cirus walks inside the house and you say you wish you had never let him in. That would be an ideal cliff hanger! Just slow it down a little..tell me how everyone looks...maybe somewhat of a scene where Cirus and Camile hang out so we feel what their relationship is like, it would add to the surprise.
Carden doesn't even seem very important to Camile...she is staring at Cirus when he is dying and doesn't seem that upset at all. I mean, the guy who is like a brother to her just died...and she's focusing on Cirus....isn't she angry maybe? Wanting to seak revenge....or so shocked she can't move...make me feel for them. When I cry when a character dies...its never because he died but more the reaction of another character...the way he/she deals with it.
That's really all I have to say...I'm very excited to read more and sorry if I sounded a little harsh...
-Lau.
Thanks for reviewing! I'm planning to do some re-writes of this chapter to fix the pace a little. And, yeah, Camile doesn't seem to pay too much attention to Carden...I should probably fix that...

I already have a pretty good idea of how to do it, too, so thanks for bringing that up!
Hi!
First, I would like to thank you for posting this for review! I really enjoyed it, and appreciate your hard work as a writer in it's creation. Now, on to critique:
At first I thought this chapter would be a sort of prologue that introduces us to the action of the story before going back in the following chapters and outlining how the story got to that point. This is a suggestion for revision.
What you have written, however, is less of a story at the moment and more of a mangled group of plot points shoved together. This chapter can honestly be broken up into a minimum of four individual chapters: Introducing Camile and Caden;introducing Cirus; Cirus' betrayal; and the battle scene.
What you have currently lacks the development needed to create any sort of impact. I really didn't feel any shock when Cirus turned on Camile because I really had no background about his character or their relationship. This is especially apparent in the death of Caden which lacked the emotional impact you were attempting to achieve due to the simple fact that your readers know nothing about him.
On a more basic note, did you intend for all the main character's names to begin with C? If you did, that's fine, but I found it rather surprising and confusing especially considering they all have a similar number of syllables.
Hope my review helped and thank you again for your work! I look forward to the next part and/or revision!
Sincerely, Fading
I never noticed before that all the characters so far have names that start with C.
Really now since Carden's died it's only Camile and Cirus who have names with C in them.
the last three main characters (One of which is inroduced in chapter two if you'd like to hop on over)
are: The other mai protagonist, Vrirares, another shifter named John-Elliott Torrenson (Jet) and a Magici champion, Moon.
Hello!


Okay, so I'm going to start out this review with a couple of suggestions.
First of all I'm just going to make a point about checking over your work. For example I'm going to borrow this little bit:
'Cirus, the pale yllow volt arced through his body and the boy fell to his knees. Carden held out his hand and the spear re-formed in his palm. Cirus coughed, the chuckled. then threw his head back and laughed. '
Okay, so here there are a couple of spelling errors/typos. Yllow should be yellow and I think the should be then? They're easy fixes but will just make a slightly better impression when they're fixed. Also you're missing a capital at the start of the final sentence there. There are quite a lot of capital letters missing that I noticed while reading through. Again easy to fix but make a big difference.
Secondly I'm going to make a suggestion about the beginning of this chapter. You mention that Carden dies right at the start. For me personally, I feel like the ending of the chapter would have been more effective if I didn't know from the beginning that Carden was going to die. It would have added to the shock value of the ending. But that's just a suggestion to do with as you like.
So I'm going to give you one final suggestion. In this chapter you give the reader a lot of information really quick in a quite action filled scene, for me this was a little confusing. I found myself rereading things just to double check. And because of that I think I found Camiles instant understanding of what was happening after a quick explanation quite unrelateable. I don't know, it was like she just understood the whole situation straight away with seemingly little shock. It kind of took away from her character a little bit for me.
But anyways. That was just my opinions. I did however love the story which you have already started to create. You have given the reader information about the plot while at the same time keeping some things secret which has instantly made me curious. I really want to know what happens next. And I hope my comments didn't seem too harsh because I really did enjoy reading this piece.
Thank you for the review! appreciated on high levels!
When I proofread this It was like, 12:00 at night and I was falling asleep in my chair so it doesn't surprise me that I may have missed things.
And I did my best to add a little more confusion. FOr one thing, I cut out the part where Carden mentions the war, so when Cirus starts talking about it she's just like, "What the heck?"
And I made it so Camile doesn;t really understand why her friend would be trying to kill her.
The second chapter is also out if you want to check it out. And I'll tag you for the next installment if you want.
Tell me if the re-writes made this a little better.
I proofread at that time too so I completely understand

I think your rewrites are definitely better the ending had more shock value which has worked really well. But yeah there are a couple of typos and capitals missing. It's still amazing though. I'm going to go and read your next part now and I would love to be tagged