Young Writers Society

Hey there.
I don't usually write poetry so I hope I'm able to review this well.
Firstly, the title really attracted me.
I feel like overall, you were able to make me feel like you wanted me to feel. Despair and sadness...
like this lines for instance : "where are my wings, where are my kite strings"
I could feel what the poem persona was feeling quite clearly.

However, I'm a bit confused and I'm still not sure what your poem was about exactly. It just shifted between kites and butterflies and this is something I really think you should try and correct.
I'm not saying you should change your style or whatever but I just feel like its too vague.
I like the way you write and I hope to see more of it!
Cheers!

Hi!I am not a poetry writer, so I can only say my thoughts as a simple reader. I liked all the references to the light-weighted or floating things I guess, "the butterfly wings, the kite strings, etc" Like All, I think that was a great contrast.

I find myself as nothing else, but flightless

and rooted to the ground

Hey, here for a review!

I'm just going to get right into it.

I'm fairly confused by your first two lines, they seemed unfinished because they don't flow into the third line like one would expect. You start of wish a simile starting with the word with, I was looking forward to the finish of the sentence. Here is a really badly written example on how you could reword your first two lines/add more: "With the soft tinkling of butterfly wings, like clattering bells to me, they flap at every hour, blah blah blah" You need something else to finish your sentence/thought.

I notice how you didn't put any other punctuation besides the one comma in the second to last line. It's kind of hard, in my opinion, to read it. In your third line, you write a question without a question mark and it's coming off weird in my mind, it just sort of seems wrong. Don't get me wrong here, I do believe in personal style, but I would recommend choosing something that's 1) consistent, and 2) somewhat making sense to people and yourself of course.

Also, the same above goes for your fifth, sixth and eighth lines too.

I will also recommend some stanzas for each question you are asking in your poem, they could go something like

With the soft tinkling of butterfly wings
Like clattering bells to me

What is this feeling of tapering kite strings slipping through my grasp
It floats away like those butterfly wings

what is this stinging feeling that pangs into my bones
like brittle snapping sticks
it hurts

Where are my wings, where are my kite strings
I find myself as nothing else, but flightless
and rooted to the ground