Young Writers Society

I liked it!!
I don't know what on earth that other person is talking about though.
The formating is fine and if it's because it's in red doesn't really bother me at all.

Hey there, and welcome to YWS!

Before I begin my review, I'd like to point out that the formatting need some fixing. Since YWS has a plain-text editor, you'll have to go in and manually reformat your works by using BBCode tags. To make things a little easier, there are several formatting options down near the bottom of the New Topic and Edit screens that change the spacing between lines. If you edit your post and select "Poem", it should get rid of the extra spaces in between each line and will make reading your lyrics much easier.

If you have any questions or run into something, feel free to shoot me a PM.

Formatting aside, this flowed quite nicely and was interesting for several reasons.

The first was how different the verses were. None of them follow the same pattern as far as I could see, and while normally I'd be pointing that out as an issue, it works here. I think the meanings within the verses could use a bit of work (How do crystal roses come to pass, and why must they?), but the structures themselves appear to work, and I can imagine this sounding quite interesting set to a melody.

Another thing that interested me was how you split the chorus into two parts. It works, especially since you don't repeat the pre-chorus at the end, but it caught my eye since I'd never seen something like that before.

Overall, this had a very interesting structure which I found very interesting.

Hmm... I am afraid I wont be of much help in the editing department as I do not know what to look for when it comes to lyrics. As far as style goes, I like it! It sounds like it would flow nicely with a slightly upbeat Celtic type tune (just a thought).

Well done and keep writing,
~FW~