Published December 29, 2006
Brothers fighting brothers, dreams crashing down.
A frown upon many a noble brow. A battle rages and an empire emerges.
Battles rage, dreams fade.
Life goes out.
Life comes in.
Neither side seems to win.
Then when all seems lost a spark flares into being.
A being who sparks a win a cause many to the Rebellion.
The Empire still rules,
Causing endless strife to those who are fighting for life.
Then he comes causing reform.
Now the Empire is on the run,
For the rebellion has won.
All hail the rebel scum.
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141,344 Literary Works • 674,369 Reviews
Got it and 92 u rule!!
I liked it even though it really wasn't poetry form.
i think these can be on the same line.
I did!!!!!
Lanna
Yeah, re-format it the way Surreal suggested and you'll have an interesting poem.
I believe this is the first poem I've read about Star Wars...
Interesting, but it isn't a poem. Other than changing the format, I think that this is a good poem, although I think it could have been a little longer.
I like it. I don't understand Star Wars at all, but this poem kind of makes me realize why my dad forced my to sit through them all! I also agree with sureal though, you need to break it up a bit more or it's quite difficult to read.
x frm lucy
Wow you seem to like Star Wars alot hehe, it's a very good poem- I'm not a StarWars expert so I couldn't give you feed back there, but i got the general idea- Nice one!
Thank You!!!!
Yes, yes, listen to Sureal!
Please post the new version and I'll crit again. PM me when you do!
Cheers, Shafter
P.S. Oh yeah, the last "hale" is "hail." Just one of those typos.
Thanks for the ideas and comments.
This isn't really formatted like a poem. Rather, it's prose.
Something more like:
Brothers fighting brothers, dreams crashing down,
A frown upon many a noble brow,
A battle rages an empire emerges.
Battles rage, dreams fade. Life goes out,
Life comes in. Neither side seems to win.
Then when all seems lost,
A spark flares into being.
A being who sparks a win,
An cause many to the rebellion.
The empire still rules, causing endless strife
To those who are fighting for life.
Then he comes causing reform.
The empire is on the run for the rebellion has won.
All hale the rebel scum.
Of course, it's up to you where you put the line breaks. I've placed it so there's some internal rhyming, but you may decide that you'd rather have the rhymes as couplets.
You also have a number of grammar problems in there (such as 'empire' instead of 'Empire') that you need to address.
star wars is the best thing in the world!!!!!!!
the force is like duct tape,
it has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the world together.
Thanks.
I like it because it's about Star Wars, but it's not in poetry format