Darkness is your spirit, moonlight is your beauty.
Your story lies in the shadows. My fate is to live with this passion.
Still I long for release, for you and I.Arya my moonlight you are my soul stay with us.
A Moon beam I can never have.
I want more.
I still long, for what can never be.
Be an elusive moon beam against my radiant sapphire.
A light in a dark filled world.
Arya a radiant light I want but can never have.
I've surrendered to this passion. I love you Arya Svit Kona even when you don’t want it.
Green eyes against my distant brown. A princess against my commoner. Arya Svit Kona light in my darkness. You can and have set me free.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
As a poem, I liked it a lot. But, like everybody else said, the last line books like it could be broken down. I'd do it like so:
And I'd break the third line as well.
Now, as an Eragon fanfic, I'm not so sure. After reading all the books the viewpoint seems a little... odd. I consider Arya to be the darker side while Eragon is the lighter side (In Brisingr Eragon is described as a being of light). Arya always has an element of mystery to her, while with Eragon we know everything about him (I know that's kind of obvious because the books are mostly from his viewpointl). But, that could be just me.
As for trying to capture Eragon's thoughts about Arya, at first I wondered if it was something he'd write, but then I remembered how romantic he could be in the books. Good job on that.
Overall, it's pretty good. Perhaps work on the pacing a little, so it flows a little better when it's spoken.
oh wow that is an amazing poem it just blew me away
I'm not great at poetry, so I can't really critic on the layout and stuff.
It was a nice contrast.But the last line, maybe you could split it into separate lines? After the other short lines, it just seems out of place.
And maybe keep a line to a single sentence?
Overall, i liked the imagery you created. I particularly liked