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Feelings

by EsmerayaRose


This is what the ending feels like.

I'm fine

 You know when you're drowning

you don't actually inhale until right before you black out.....T

he instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you open your mouth. 

Until you feel like your head is exploding. 

Then when you finally do let it in that's when it stops hurting. 

I'm fine, yeah aside from not sleeping. 

The jumpiness. 

The constant overwhelming crushing fear

that something terrible is about to happen is called hypervigilance.

The persistent feeling of being under threat

is not just a feeling though it's... it's like a panic attack. 

You know like I can't even breathe 

like im drowning? 

 So if you're drowning and you are trying to keep my mouth closed until that very last....

I'm trying to keep my mouth closed until that very last moment. But what if I chose to not open my mouth? To not let the water in.

 You'll do it anyway it's reflex

But if I hold off until that reflex kicks in I'd have more time, right?

Not much time but more time to fight your way to the surface

 I guess more time to be rescued. More time to be in agonizing pain.

Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head exploding?

If it's about survival... isn't a little agony worth it?

 That doesn't answer the question...If you're doing this for the attention you need to stop

What if it just gets worse?

 What if it's agony now and then...

 Then it's just hell later on?

I would put more but I don't want to chase you away from this.

I'm sorry if this is too much, it's ok if you didn't like it.

-BrokenHeartsAri


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Wed Apr 14, 2021 1:49 pm
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Poor Imp wrote a review...



That was brilliantly honest. I don't know what's going on in detail, but your intensity, the depth to which you feel and care, and your ear for catching and writing dialogue (remembering and presenting it in writing) shone through like a running fox on fire.

Writing, and YWS friends, got me through drowning exactly like this. Don't go if you can stay, and believe you won't drown.


(In terms of more review-like sentiments, I could go into formatting and edits, but I think you meant this to be raw and unedited. I encourage you to hold onto it. I think you'll want it later on; and whether it's just as your story or as experience you can weave into stories you write...it's gold.)

All the <3 and cheers,

IMP




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459 Reviews

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Wed Apr 14, 2021 1:44 pm
Poor Imp says...



[ Accidental post without text! Standby...re-writing...]




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Tue Mar 30, 2021 8:49 am
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ForeverYoung299 says...



Please don't leave YWS!!!!




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Mon Mar 29, 2021 9:19 pm
Coffeeboyjay says...



I think that was when I began to realize that reputation isn't everything. I should focus less about how others perceive me and more about what makes me happy. Because, in the end, I have to live with myself.
— Seraphina

I think you should contine to write sad poems because it what makes you,you. PLz donn't leave YWS




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Mon Mar 29, 2021 7:35 pm
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stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Hey there :D

May I ask why you're leaving YWS?
And by the way, please don't excuse yourself for posting stuff, it's okay to pour out your heart sometimes, and believe it or not, but what comes from the heart are usually the best piece of literature in existence :)

-

I really loved the way you described drowning, it shows a side of drowning most people don't describe, it made this description feel a thousand times more vivid and a billion times more realistic. And just overall, the imagery, the dialogue (god the dialogue is exquisite <33) and everything in between is just great !!
Is the dialogue accurate ? Like does it come from an actual conversation you had with your parents ? It just feels so real..

Please do write more of this ! This totally didn't chase me away, usually lengthy texts turn me away, but the second I laid eyes on this, I just couldn't tear my eyes away from it.

I think 2020 has been a terrible year for all of us.. and 2021 doesn't look like it's gonna be any better, I've never felt more alone in the world, but then again, I've also never felt this close to the rest of the world. It's as if we're all in this together, and there's no need for each of us to suffer silently in a corner anymore. We're all in the same boat :)
If you've made your mind, then I'm not gonna try and change it, but you write so well and there's just so much passion behind each of your sentences.. we'll miss you when you decide to leave YWS :(


Have a good day or night and hope things get better for you <333




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks, Yes I did have this conversation with my parents. I haven't decided if I was going to leave YWS though.

Thanks again for the review!




Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres