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Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Love Beneath The Blood -1

by Eros


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

The 1 Million Achievement Party...

Mohit Nile threw up a party for his 1 M subscribers on his YouTube channel of romantic call conversations with girlfriend.... Nile River, as i call him, for I always thought he is unique and beautiful like the Nile River in Africa. In order to make his ex girlfriend realize that she did it wrong to leave him for another guy called Vishal, Nile invited both Shweta---his ex and Vishal at the party. Being Mohit's close friend, I was obviously one of the first ones to be invited. 

I reached the venue at 6 pm and entered the club. I was an extreme introvert and club was something I had never seen before. I looked up, the dim lights that were across the whole roiom were looking really beautiful. My eyes scanned the room looking for Nile. Not many people were invited. The music was so loud that my heart beats started to sync in with the beats of the song. Nile immediately waved a Hi at me, and we walked towards each other. 

He hugged me from the side, with a drink in his right hand, I could see the happiness and the spark of achievement in his eyes, After all, 1 million subscribers is not a less number! I could feel his happiness. I was looking straight in his eyes...I was lost in his beauty. His same usual hairstyle-- his fluffy hair stroked a little backwards, his beard neatly trimmed. He was a little shorter than me. He was 5'03" and i was 5'5.30",

"You look pretty in this white ballgown, darling," Flirting was his usual habit.

Before I could reply, I saw him getting a little triggered. I looked behind me, in the direction of Nile's eyes. There she was, Miss Shweta with her boyfriend, Vishal. They were still in relationship, 4 years after her breakup with Nile. Shweta came at the party just to show him how happy she was with Vishal. I grabbed Nile's hands and prevented him from throwing the glass on floor. I could see the love he still has for Shweta in Nile's dark black eyes. The pupils of his eyes,  were starting to broaden a little, a sign of admiration. I went to the drinks corner and ordered shots. I gulped down one. I had never drank ever before and it felt as if my entire throat was on fire. It tasted really bad, but I still took the next shot... I gulped down the second one and Shweta was in front of me, I was so angry at her that I slapped her and grabbed her throat. She tried to cough. Nile pulled me and was angry at me for trying to attack Shweta. 

I understood, I must love all those who love Nile, and also the ones for whom Nile has love. It was really difficult to bear with his fans when they commented on his voice being sweet or that they love him. It was hard, but I trained my heart to control my anger towards all those who tried to flirt with him.

Nile dropped me at home and helped me with the vomittings, by stopping his car immediately when I was on the verge of puking. He pulled my hair back as I vomited and drived the car really slowly so that it doesn't worsen my health. I was feeling so sick.

The next day I woke up with a terrible hangover. Nile called me and told me what all to do for the hangover. He was so caring, but it wasn't just me. He was like that with everyone...every girl. That morning, I decided that I will take a revenge on Vishal for all the pains that Mohit has went through.

...To be continued, Support the series by hitting the like, and commenting below. Next part, coming soon...!


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122 Reviews


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Mon Nov 02, 2020 2:59 pm
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LUNARGIRL wrote a review...



Good work on the story, but there are a few things I have to say.

1. In the first paragraph I had to read it again to realize who was who, it was a bit confusing. You first sentence was very lengthy, which makes it very hard to understand. You forgot to capitalize the letter I in the first sentence.
"Mohit Nile threw up a party for his 1 M subscribers on his YouTube channel of romantic call conversations with girlfriend.... Nile River, as i call him, for I always thought he is unique and beautiful like the Nile River in Africa. In order to make his ex girlfriend realize that she did it wrong to leave him for another guy called Vishal, Nile invited both Shweta---his ex and Vishal at the party. Being Mohit's close friend, I was obviously one of the first ones to be invited."

2. You story felt very short, liked you skipped over a lot. It went from the character knowing they would get invited to the part. Then the next thing you know they are taking shots then going home. Try making longer so readers won't get a information overload, because you try to write down all this information too fast. Take it one step at a time, and use more description, not only about the characters, but the setting. What does it look like? Where are they? What are they wearing? What is the car ride like?

3. "His same usual hairstyle-- his fluffy hair stroked a little backwards, his beard neatly trimmed. He was a little shorter than me. He was 5'03" and i was 5'5.30"," I wish You gave the reader more description of what Nile looked like. What color are his eyes? What color is his skin? How old are these characters? Little details that make a big difference in the story, and let the reader get a feel for the characters.

Besides that good job, those are just a couple things I would like to point out.

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL




Eros says...


heyy, Lunargirl!!! Thank you soo much for the review!! I really loveedd it <3 <3 <3 really helpful tips...thank you soo much, I'll keep this in mind in the next chapters...



LUNARGIRL says...


No problem, great job!




Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
— Michael McClary