Good work on the story, but there are a few things I have to say.
1. In the first paragraph I had to read it again to realize who was who, it was a bit confusing. You first sentence was very lengthy, which makes it very hard to understand. You forgot to capitalize the letter I in the first sentence.
"Mohit Nile threw up a party for his 1 M subscribers on his YouTube channel of romantic call conversations with girlfriend.... Nile River, as i call him, for I always thought he is unique and beautiful like the Nile River in Africa. In order to make his ex girlfriend realize that she did it wrong to leave him for another guy called Vishal, Nile invited both Shweta---his ex and Vishal at the party. Being Mohit's close friend, I was obviously one of the first ones to be invited."
2. You story felt very short, liked you skipped over a lot. It went from the character knowing they would get invited to the part. Then the next thing you know they are taking shots then going home. Try making longer so readers won't get a information overload, because you try to write down all this information too fast. Take it one step at a time, and use more description, not only about the characters, but the setting. What does it look like? Where are they? What are they wearing? What is the car ride like?
3. "His same usual hairstyle-- his fluffy hair stroked a little backwards, his beard neatly trimmed. He was a little shorter than me. He was 5'03" and i was 5'5.30"," I wish You gave the reader more description of what Nile looked like. What color are his eyes? What color is his skin? How old are these characters? Little details that make a big difference in the story, and let the reader get a feel for the characters.
Besides that good job, those are just a couple things I would like to point out.
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Points: 10714
Reviews: 122
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