I wrote this in seventh grade.
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The Sunset
The sun disappears slowly behind the mountains' peaks
Framed by the cloudless sky.
The wind blows softly and in my ear it speaks
Of ages long gone by.
One by one the legends unfold
As the stars come out tonight,
Pictures painted in tales of old
And told by the twinkling light.
The sun slowly fades from view,
A last moment of color as farewell.
As the moon comes out, the earth looks new,
And silenced as if by a spell.
New sounds arise, the songs of the earth,
The night's own gifts to the world.
The nighttime itself is of immeasurable worth
As the priceless scenes unfurl.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello!
It's rather hard to review something that was written a long time ago, because your style has probably changed and your skills progressed, but I shall give it a try.
I find you were hurting the poem more than helping it by sticking to an ABAB rhyme scheme. I found myself focusing more on the rhymes than the actual content of the poem. A lot of the rhymes also felt forced, like you were sacrificing the best line or image to use just to keep the consistent rhyme scheme. That's a real difficulty in rhyming poetry and why it's often best to only have two liens rhyme out of the four. If you rhyme at all.
That being said, I think you had some interesting concepts here and it'd be nice if you'd explore them a bit more. One that comes to mind is stories of the ages being told in the stars. That's something I haven't really seen before and would have liked to see more of. But, I felt because of the rhyme, you neglected that section. It would be really nice to see the ideas in here expanded without a rhyme.
Overall, this was pretty solid. Just work on getting flowing poetry without such a strict rhyme.
Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions!
~Rosey
Well you said you wrote this in seventh grade, so it's an older poem, and I can sort of tell because I can see that some of the imagery and skill is there, but it's not completely formed in this poem. Duller pieces like the first line "The sun disappears slowly behind the mountains' peaks" were along better lines like "The wind blows softly and in my ear it speaks/Of ages long gone by." It's like you can see that you're shifting from the corny, cliche writings of a 7th-grader to the writings of a hopeful writer. It's at the halfway point. I'm kind of curious to see what you're doing now, and wondering if it's better and how much you've improved.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver