Least Among my vile things,
And the pain my demons bring,
The softest sour note I sing,
Is my conviction in myself.
My Pride in my own moral health,
Assurance of my reason's wealth.
Least Among my vile things
Next to plauge my failing heart:
Indifference, where my end will start.
My passion, from this world, departs.
Precipitites of crystal cold
Freeze my will from acting bold.
Still in youth, my heart runs cold.
Next to plauge my failing heart
Third in my weakened will,
Unable yet to settle still.
Compulsed to venture off the hill.
Change; the drug my heart desires.
Burned I've been by shifting fires.
When content, I'm uninspired.
Third in my weakened will.
Second in my greatest flaws
Is my defense's tearing claws.
Sharper than serraated saws.
A lack of grace when critisized,
A soul that leads for hate to rise.
Blame and guilt internalized;
Second in my greatest flaws.
The final great defect in me,
The hope that love will set me free.
My heart awaits the violet key
To turn the latch and let it out.
To give my dreams substantial clout.
The final great defect in me,
Love. The flaw I love to see.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I like this piece. A lot of deep, dark emotion is portrayed here. Just a few minor things.
It's "plague", just saying (:
Another thing I didn't understand...
I have no idea what a precipitite is... Or if that's the correct spelling. Maybe use some more simple language every now and then. In my opinion, when every word is huge and elaborate, it seems as if you try a little too hard.
This is a very well done poem. Your word choice is excellent and I loved the idea of the descending list of flaws. The rhythm and flow you have here are also exceptional. There were a number of spelling and grammar mistakes, but SporkPunk did a good job covering those.
Really great work.
This is beautiful. I love it! That is all I have to say.
Hey there! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today.
Okay. So this poem has a pretty good rhythm and flow, I like it. The rhyming mostly works, which is also good. However, there are a few technical places which make for less-than-smooth reading, mostly spelling errors, which aren't major at all. Other than that, I think this poem is actually rather good.
Keep Writing!
Sporky