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E - Everyone

We have this thing.

by ErinYount


Hi… Reader, I guess.

All of us, we have this thing: we can never be sure, of anything.

Who “us”? We writers!

Every so often we come across a feeling, or a moment, we think we can write the most epic stuff about, and then we pick a pen and put it to paper, write a few lines, and nothing more. The few lines penned down aren’t necessarily epic. In fact almost all the time, they are mere drawls, on a piece of paper, of someone pining after something, or whining about something.

We read them, over and over again, trying to think of colors to add to the painting, or what lights to focus where, or what drapes to throw in. We are never sure if the words we used are the right one, if we could have used them better, or used better words. We are not sure about the feel of the read, or the structure. We are not sure if the feeling we want to put through is important enough, or significant enough. The only thing we are sure about is that we aren’t sure about anything. So, we twist and turn the lines, jumble with a few words, and yet, the drawls on the page keep falling apart.

All of us, we have a feeling that starts everything. The feeling isn’t something we can explain, or talk about. It can only be felt, in the deepest and the darkest corners of our heart, while we sit, crawled up under the bed, or behind the curtains, fighting our own mind. The feeling is so strong that it gives us pain. Not metaphorical pain. Literal, actual pain, like someone is jabbing at our chest with a metal rod. It’s this feeling that we need to put through to you. And it is also this same very feeling that messes our head so much that we cannot put a few words together, properly.

So we stay crawled up, where ever we are, and we hold ourselves together with tape and glue… in the hope that sometime, someday, in a while, the drawls on the sheet of paper would make more sense, that they would look more beautiful, that we might perhaps be sure of them, sure enough to let someone see them.

-Erin


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79 Reviews


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Wed Dec 18, 2013 8:46 pm
RachelLeeAnn wrote a review...



Hello! Rachel here to review. :)

I really admire this piece. You've seem to have put the thoughts of writers everywhere into on compact story- skillfully so, I might add.

The couple of technical errors I noticed have already been pointed out by Knight Dragon.

This passage here really spoke to me: (I've bold printed one little change I made. The same correction Knight Dragon made to another sentence.)

All of us, we have a feeling that starts everything. The feeling isn’t something we can explain, or talk about. It can only be felt, in the deepest and the darkest corners of our heart, while we sit, curled up under the bed, or behind the curtains, fighting our own mind.


These few lines here are really powerful. I think they accurately express the struggle of not quite being able to express that certain 'feeling' we get when it comes to writing, and how we sometimes just can't deal with it. Beautiful.

That's about all I have to say about it other than this:
You did an exceptional job on this piece. Keep writing. :)




ErinYount says...


Hey!
Thank you for all the appreciation Rachel.
The point about "curled"... noted.

Thanks, again.



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Thu Dec 12, 2013 5:18 pm
dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



Knight Dragon, here to review!

Glad to see you got another piece up. Keep up the good work.
Now, on to the review.

Technical:

"And it is also this same very feeling that messes our head"

The "messes our head" reads a little awkwardly. This was the first major issue I came across. "head" should probably be "heads," since you're referring to multiple people (there's a grammar rule about groups being singular, but that only applies to the verb used; all writers aren't sharing the same head :D ). And I would recommend putting a "with" in front of "our." It helps it read better.

"So we stay crawled up, where ever we are"

"curled up" would probably be better than "crawled up," and I'm not sure if the space between "where" and "ever" was intentional or not. I would recommend making those one word.

The commas in the piece are style, I realize, but there are times when it flows better without one. For example:
" It can only be felt, in the deepest and the darkest corners of our heart"

This is purely a stylistic issue, and not one to worry yourself over. I'm only recommending that you consider removing a few of them (definitely not all!), but it's totally up to you.

Hope this helps!




ErinYount says...


Noted. Thank you. :)



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Thu Dec 12, 2013 3:43 pm
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smile says...



nice work.....love it :)




ErinYount says...


Thank you.




#longlivebigbrother
— alliyah