z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Clarity

by ErinYount


Hi… Reader, I guess!

Okay, so my head is speaking again,

So, my mind rants a lot, non stop. It's like there is a complete chatter box in there, with people having conversations inside my head, people I do not even know. When you think from the point of me being a writer, it helps a lot. Almost always, I do not have to think before I start penning things down, because they are already in my head, always. It's like, when I write, I can just close my eyes, and let the pen flow (precisely why I write with a pen, because I can’t type with closed eyes!! LOL.).

But in the time I am not writing, this thing is a bloody headache, the people speaking inside my head and stuff.

The point is, I can not let people into my head. That's my biggest fear, that someone will get into my head, and know all my thoughts. There are already so many people living in there, talking, I do not need one living in there judging my thoughts as well. Whenever I have people sneaking into my head, whoever it is, I get creep-ed out, and I feel discomfort; not the usual kind of discomfort, but the kind where I want to pin them to the floor and make an axe kiss their neck off. (Yeah, I am a very violent person, if you think of it that way).

So because of that, I can not write properly, because when I am thinking and writing, all I am doing is thinking about the reactions of different people, friend, family, to it. When I am writing knowing that no one who knows me is going to read it, I can actually write.

Precisely why I write under a pseudonym, by the way! I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping they never discover it is me.

See, I lost the point again.

The point was, what do you do when you're not sure you'll make it to the other end, through this? Like when you try to get sleep, but you simply can't, no matter how tired you are. Like when your head is so full of conversations that you have no idea what is real and what is not, you have no idea what to hold on to and what to let go, what is going to be permanent and what isn’t. It’s scary. Like love.

Like you find love, you let it in, you even begin to like it, you build your life around it, and suddenly, it is all gone, out of the blue, and you don’t know how to get through the broken pieces of glass.

Have you ever felt that?

Clarity,

Erin.

P.S. I always end such things with a quote, but I couldn't find one that fits here, so, I'm just throwing in an unrelated one:

"The truth isn't where it ends. That’s just where you begin again, with a whole new set of questions."

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Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:06 am
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Renard wrote a review...



Hello. :) I am going to dissect this line by line:

'Hi… Reader, I guess!' - How can you not be sure who you're writing to?

'Okay, so my head is speaking again,' - this definitely introduces the topic of your writing and I understand and empathise immediately. One of the main problems of being a writer involves never being able to get your head to shut up. :/ It can be very annoying, as you seem to have experienced.

'But in the time I am not writing, this thing is a bloody headache, the people speaking inside my head and stuff.' I think you need to find a way to keep these people entertained in the interim periods where you aren't writing. Why? Because otherwise they will drive you insane as you know. Also, because you can do really constructive things with them if you can just organise them. How? Well, you can start building ideas with them and creating stories more. Like the imaginary friends I presume you had when you were little. Or maybe even still have? ;) Because I think characters can become so real they start being our imaginary friends sometimes.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong (or insane) about that, it's just a sign of the writer's mind being creative.

'When I am writing knowing that no one who knows me is going to read it, I can actually write.' Ah ha!
The Internal Critic strikes again.
I trust you have heard the expression: 'you are your own worst critic' and it's true. Because in amongst all the character voices in your head, this is your own voice telling you that if people you know read your work they will put you down for it or something silly.
Firstly, this just isn't true. And secondly, you will have to learn to deal with your internal critic. Which I can help with in just a sec. :)

'It’s scary. Like love.' I think this line sums it up beautifully. Yes being a writer is scary, because sometimes it means that you have to surrender your own head and sometimes even your body for a while. I think that does seem rather strange.

Your ending quote, I would hate to think that you have come up with more questions! XD
Now let me see what I can do about dealing with your internal critic.
Sometimes, the voice inside our head is really means and tries to make us give up. Now you seem to have the opposite problem. It's not letting you stop!
I think, if you face your fear of people you know reading your work and generally 'putting yourself out there' so to speak, then you would have a much easier time. How do you do this?
#1 Stop giving a rats about what people think. It doesn't matter. We all face rejection, we all face criticism. The moment you put something out there, it is subject to being scrutinised. I have written a work on this I intend to post I can link you when it's up if you think reading it would help.

If you have any questions about anything, or there is anything you think I could help you with, get in contact with me and I will be happy to try and give you a hand. :)

Fellow writer and maniac

BloodinkSeesFootage




ErinYount says...


Hi.
Well for starters, it feels good to have you review my work, coz I read yours a lot.
I'll answer to what you said, line by line.
'Hi%u2026 Reader, I guess!' - How can you not be sure who you're writing to?
It is used to portray the confusion, and the pre-occupied mental state of the writer.

Yes, parts of the piece are based on how I feel, but it is not based on my internal struggles entirely. It is more like an attempt to portray what writers go through, in general. So, i've written the piece as a Writer, and not as myself.

Thank you for all the thought you gave to the piece, and for all the appreciation. It feels good.

-Erin





Ahhh. I see the point now. :)

- BSF



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Thu Dec 12, 2013 1:32 am
dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



Knight Dragon, here to review.

YES!!! Someone else who has Second Worlders!
[Okay, stopping on the excitement train and linking to an explanation of that term: Wordsmithing: Oh the Places You'll Go! ]

Okay, for an actual review now.
Technical:

"The point is, I can not let people into my head."

"can not" is better written as one word, "cannot". You did this a few more times in the piece.
Also, if you're a writer, you're going to have people inside your head (Second Worlders). It's learning how to live with them that's the challenge.

"Whenever I have people sneaking into my head, whoever it is, I get creep-ed out, and I feel discomfort"

Is the creep-ed out intentional? It sticks out and disrupts reading flow as is, and is better written "creeped" (despite the fact that Spellcheck doesn't like it, we're humans and we know better; you may notice that Spellcheck doesn't even like its own name :D).
Also, "I feel discomfort" could be better written "I feel uncomfortable," although the "discomfort" could be there for repetition. I just felt it was a little rough to read, but it's probably just a style thing.

"all I am doing is thinking about the reactions of different people, friend, family, to it."

In the list at the end of this quote, it's better written "people, friends, family." Minor issue, but it flows so much better when you make friend plural.

Whose quote is that at the end? Is it yours? If not, please cite it properly (all it takes is a dash and the person's name).

Hope this helps!




ErinYount says...


Hi.

First of all, thanks for stopping by.

I'd say that the clumsiness of the piece is intentional. It is supposed to represent the clumsiness of the thoughts, in a stream of consciousness narrative.

"can not/cannot"- personal preferences. Yet, point about a smooth read, taken.

"Creep-ed"- spell check.

"I feel discomfort"- repetition.

"friend/friends"- typo.

It's my own quote at the end. I guess I should have made that clear. My bad.

I get what you mean about a smooth read actually, i the whole of the thing. But I'm not sure when I'm trying to portray a clumsy train of thought, a smooth read would be better than one with a few bumps. I mean the whole concept of making the writing similar to the train of thoughts portrayed.
Does that make sense?!

Thanks a lot, again. For stopping by.
-Erin





No problem, glad to help.
I think your concerns on style come down to, do you want this to be extremely realistic and risk losing readers, or do you want this to be as clear to read as possible while conveying the bumpy train of thought through the writing. It's a style decision, and readers will respect you either way.
~Knight Dragon
PS- Feel free to check out the Knights of the Green Room here



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Wed Dec 11, 2013 8:32 pm
Panikos wrote a review...



Interesting...I'm not sure what to make of this. It's a very odd piece, and I've never read anything like it. That's good, actually. I like originality.

Is this actually written from your perspective, or are you just using your name? Either way, it was sufficiently eerie. I don't really know how to review the content, so I'm just going to stick to what I know and give you some tips on the ins and outs of your actual writing.

Basically, my one problem with this is the repetition. I know you're trying to write this as you might think it, but I think the issue here is that you're not far enough into that territory, nor are you far enough outside of it. Put simply, you need to either really draw attention to how the text is basically a stream of thought, or you need to tone it down a little. I'd prefer you do the latter.

(That probably made no sense. I'm sorry).

Anyway, I'll illustrate this point with some quotes.

Okay, so my head is speaking again,

So, my mind rants a lot,


The repetition of 'so' here feels a bit odd to read, so I'd suggest you take out the second one. Also, the comma after 'again' doesn't look correct; a full stop would be better.

Almost always, I do not have to think before I start penning things down, because they are already in my head, always.


Get rid of that second 'always'; it sounds strange. I'm totally cool with you using repetition in a piece like this. In fact I'd encourage it. However, you need to make it clear that you're repeating out of desire to create effect and not because you haven't read through your work properly, and that can sometimes mean drawing a bit more attention to it. You hear me?

Hmm...here's another bit I wasn't sure of:

I want to pin them to the floor and make an axe kiss their neck off.


First, it's a bit extreme, but I can dig that. Second, the section in bold is very strange, and I don't think I can dig that. I don't think you can kiss someone's neck off, and I don't think that likening an axe to a kiss is a very appropriate combination anyway. A kiss is supposed to be soft and loving - everything that your axe-wielding tendencies are not, as far as I can tell.

I'm going to conclude this review here, because I'm not entirely sure what else to say. I hope my other pointers helped a bit, and I suspect another reviewer will slink over to this work and give you some more advice at some point. Maybe they'll be a bit less befuddled than me. ;)

Still, this was an interesting read. I liked it.

Keep writing!
~Pan




ErinYount says...


Hi Pan,
I'll talk about your pointers in the order you pointed them out to me.

The comma was a typo. it was supposed to be a full-stop.

The repetition, almost in every portion of the piece, is intentional, For me, it is supposed to represent the clumsiness of the thought, through a stream of consciousness narrative. I guess it didn't work that way at some places for you.

A kiss is generally a really soft touch, and yet you feel it take over your body. "axe kiss their neck off" is supposed to mean killing someone with the softest touch, yet brutal enough to take over their body.
I hope it makes a little more sense now.

Thank you for taking the time out to give such a thorough read, and for all the good things you said in your review.
Hope you come back for more.

Thanks!
-Erin




Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS