Hi… Reader, I guess!
Okay, so my head is speaking again,
So, my mind rants a lot, non stop. It's like there is a complete chatter box in there, with people having conversations inside my head, people I do not even know. When you think from the point of me being a writer, it helps a lot. Almost always, I do not have to think before I start penning things down, because they are already in my head, always. It's like, when I write, I can just close my eyes, and let the pen flow (precisely why I write with a pen, because I can’t type with closed eyes!! LOL.).
But in the time I am not writing, this thing is a bloody headache, the people speaking inside my head and stuff.
The point is, I can not let people into my head. That's my biggest fear, that someone will get into my head, and know all my thoughts. There are already so many people living in there, talking, I do not need one living in there judging my thoughts as well. Whenever I have people sneaking into my head, whoever it is, I get creep-ed out, and I feel discomfort; not the usual kind of discomfort, but the kind where I want to pin them to the floor and make an axe kiss their neck off. (Yeah, I am a very violent person, if you think of it that way).
So because of that, I can not write properly, because when I am thinking and writing, all I am doing is thinking about the reactions of different people, friend, family, to it. When I am writing knowing that no one who knows me is going to read it, I can actually write.
Precisely why I write under a pseudonym, by the way! I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping they never discover it is me.
See, I lost the point again.
The point was, what do you do when you're not sure you'll make it to the other end, through this? Like when you try to get sleep, but you simply can't, no matter how tired you are. Like when your head is so full of conversations that you have no idea what is real and what is not, you have no idea what to hold on to and what to let go, what is going to be permanent and what isn’t. It’s scary. Like love.
Like you find love, you let it in, you even begin to like it, you build your life around it, and suddenly, it is all gone, out of the blue, and you don’t know how to get through the broken pieces of glass.
Have you ever felt that?
P.S. I always end such things with a quote, but I couldn't find one that fits here, so, I'm just throwing in an unrelated one:
"The truth isn't where it ends. That’s just where you begin again, with a whole new set of questions."