Published February 27, 2009
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140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I love this poem! It's really good. Just this one thing;
You misspelled heartbreaking. That's all I really found that was wrong, and that was probably only your finger accidentally missing the key on your computer or something.
Once more, I really liked this poem! Great job!
I liked it, a lot. I haven't actually read the entire diary, but I do know quite a bit about it. And I think that you really just did a great job on it. I do have to agree that it can seem kind of repetative at times, but I honestly didn't mind it.
This was quite a beautiful poem that really portrayed the sadness and hopelessness of that time. Here's some comments though~ (I've read the diary, I know what I'm talking about.)
In the annex she describes herself, at many times, bored and unhappy. To portray that in this poem, her innocence and lack of knowledge to what might happen to her, would help it a lot. She had no idea what was happening. All she knew was that she was being kept safe in this hidden place. I'd like to see more depth in this poem and more subtly.
Don't use dread too many times. This is a short poem and unnecessary repetition is quite noticeable.
I love your ending. Perfect.
Overall, I loved this poem. Only the things I've listed above are things that I thought you might consider adding/changing. Again, I loved this. Good job.
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
Wow. This is good. I read part of her diary once, I didn't get even halfway through, then the book was overdue and it had to be returned... Unless I'm mistaken, I think she called it "my little book". The "family of eight" means the people that they shared the attic with, right?
The wording is perfect, almost. I love it! Very good...haunting, actually.
You use the prefix "dread" in two lines, not that there is anything wrong with it, but I think it would sound a little better if you found a way to express that without reusing that prefix.
An 'of' would make the next to last line sound a little bit better between the "all" and the "those."
Overall, spectacular. Keep writing!
Cheers!
--Voxina
PS: I gave you a star. Good poem!