Published April 29, 2009
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Canary word: Present
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This was quite an intersting poem. There aren't many on this subject, its very refreshing.
I agree with JordanEmert, though, I prefer because instead of 'cause. Also, I think this poem could use some more figurative language. Maybe its just my style, but I felt that while this gave me a good idea of what you were talking about, I didn't get and real pictures. You nearly got it in the second verse, keep at it. This has a lot of potential.
Hey!! I'm Jordan and I'm your critique.
I loved this... I'm a big fan of dreaming!
Couldn't find mistakes. But I prefer I full word. (picky writer) rather than 'cause.
But it's fine if it's there. I'm just being a grump.
Great Job!
-- Jordan
Hello.
This is quite an interesting poem.
The flow is really choppy in the first stanza. It's either you made the line breaks in the wrong places, the lines are too long or there must be some other way to word it to make it flow better.
All the rest of the poem flows well.
This is very well written and though quite simple, has quite a powerful effect.
Excellent ending.
Keep writing.
--Knightly